“He’s really busy.” I try to keep my voice steady. “He spends a lot of time watching hockey videos. I mean, a lot.”
“Apparently he’s is quite the hockey nerd,” Lilly says. “He knows everything about the game.”
“Yes. He does. He also watches a lot of hockey games. And reads about hockey. And sports psychology. He works out a lot.” I make a face. “I know hockey’s important to him. But we don’t do anything else.”
Sara’s thick eyebrows fly up. “Nothing? Not even the devil’s dance?”
For a beat, there’s silence and then the other women all collapse into laughter. My tension eases and I have to smile.
“Sara!” Lilly wheezes. “The devil’s dance?”
Sara grins. “You know what it is.”
“Yes,” Kate chokes out. “But come on…that makes it sound evil! Sex is good.”
“Yes, yes, it is,” Sara agrees. “Though I’m still a newbie at it.” She shrugs and looks at me. “I was a virgin until I met Josh.”
“Oh. Well.” I blink at that sharing.
“I don’t think you can call yourself a newbie anymore,” Lilly says. “It’s been a year of nonstop boinking for you two.”’
This has taken the attention off me and Owen. “Sounds like a good year.”
“It has been,” Sara agrees with a contented smile. “But back to you and Owen. You’re not telling us you aren’t sleeping together?”
“Uh, no. We’re doing that. Definitely. Most of the time he’s focused on hockey, but in bed I have to concede he is very focused on me.” I pause. “I’ve never been so sexually satisfied in my life.”
“Ohhhh.” They all make the same happy noise together.
“Nice,” Sara says. “Owen’s very…big.”
“So is Josh,” Lilly points out.
“I mean, all our guys are big,” Kate says. “They’re hockey players.”
“True. But Owen’s really big.” Sara eyes me expectantly.
“Yes. He’s big,” I agree with a demure smile.
“Ah ha.” Sara grins.
“The man can melt my panties off me with just a look,” I say. “But he doesn’t talk to me much. And we don’t do anything besides eat the occasional dinner together if it’s not game day or he’s not on a road trip.” That lump in my chest materializes again.
Sara tilts her head. Kate purses her lips. “Is he not happy?”
I consider that. “That’s a good question.” I suck on my lower lip. “I don’t think being that focused on one thing is good for him. It’s not that I’m whining because we never go out. It probably sounded like that.” I make a face. “I asked him once why he’s so dedicated. He told me…” I pause and look at the women. “He had a brother who died. He said he doesn’t want to waste the gift he’s been given. Like he feels his brother did. But…” I stop again, my mind whirring. “I think it’s more than that.”
“I didn’t know he had a brother,” Lilly says quietly. Her forehead creases. “Easton’s brother died, too. But I don’t think Owen talks about his brother.”
“I know. He’s never mentioned him again. And he doesn’t talk to his parents much either.” A thought takes hold. I’ll think more on it later. “Anyway, it’s not that he seems unhappy. Just focused on other stuff. Except, in bed, like I said. So I feel conflicted about whether he wants me there or not.”
“Oh, trust me, if things are hot in the sack, he wants you there,” Lilly says.
“Agree,” Sara says.
“I try to stay out of his way,” I tell them. “I know hockey’s important to him. I know how driven he is to be the best. I don’t want to interfere with that. I’ve caused him enough problems.” I roll my eyes.
“You mean with your stepdad,” Kate says.
“Yeah.”
“He’s still with the team,” she points out.
“He is. But…he didn’t make the All Star team. I can’t help but wonder if Vince had something to do with that.”
“Oh my God!” Kate stares at me.
Sara and Lilly blink. “Seriously?”
I shrug. “I know Vince doesn’t have a say. The fans vote for some players, and the league decides the rest. But he could have influenced them.” I bite my lip, then tell them about the showdown at Vince’s place and my threats to go to the commissioner of the league if Vince does anything more to Owen.
“Holy shit! You are badass!” Kate picks up her beer mug and holds it up to me in a toast.
I smile wryly. “Thanks.”
“You know the commissioner?” Lilly squeaks, eyes huge.
“Oh yeah. I’ve met him a few times.”
“Eeeek. Could you have a word with him about some other things?” she asks.
I laugh, recognizing that she’s joking. Sort of. “I need to find a place of my own.”
“Um…you could move in with me,” Lilly says. “Actually, Easton and I are talking about moving in together. I didn’t want to do it too fast, because I…had reasons. Long story. Sometime I’ll tell you. Anyway, my apartment is available as my roommate right now. For a couple of months. Then you could have it to yourself or find another roommate.”
I nod slowly. “Wow. Thanks. Your apartment is great. I’m not sure if I can afford it.”
“I already offered you a job,” she says kindly.
“I’ve been thinking about that. I do have some money, so I’m okay for now. But…” I scrunch up my face briefly. “I like living with Owen. I like him.”
They study me.
“Are you in love with him?” Lilly asks softly.
“I don’t know?” I drop my gaze.
I can’t love a hockey player. That doesn’t fit with my life.
Of course, my life looks nothing like it did a few months ago.
It’s probably not a good idea for me to love anyone. Because they’re not going to love me back. Like Vince. Or they’ll leave me. Like my dad. My mom. Cat. Well, she didn’t leave me, but…same thing.
Even Owen…I feel like he’s drifting away. And fuck, that hurts.
He has more important things to focus on than me. I totally understand that. But it still hurts.
I can’t fall in love with him.
24
Owen
“Cooke. I need a word.”
I’ve just come off the ice. Sitting in the visitors’ locker room in St Louis, I look down at my sweaty self, then back up at Mr. Julian.
“After you’ve showered and changed,” he adds.
I look around and meet the eyes of the other guys. I shrug.
“Any trade rumors?” Brando asks, looking around.
“It’s still a few weeks to the trade deadline,” Jammer replies.
I meet Hellsy’s eyes. He knows what I’m thinking.
“There hasn’t been a lot of talk about this team,” Gunner says. “We’ve got all the pieces in place for a playoff run already.”