“I don’t care about age.”
“You don’t now, but you might one day.”
It was frustrating me that he was even bringing this up. I was there, with him. I’d spent the night with him. I trusted Harrison. “Why are we fighting about this?” My parents used to fight all the time. I hated it.
“We’re not fighting. We’re discussing. And I know that what you and I have isn’t serious. That isn’t what we agreed on. We’d said this would be no strings, but…I’d like to ask you to tell me if something does happen with you and Cameron, or you and someone else. I would like to know beforehand.”
“Okay,” I replied softly, still trying to figure out how my funny story got us there. “You too, then. If you want to hook up with someone else, tell me first. We can still be no strings, but plus honesty and a little heads-up.”
“Exactly,” Harrison replied.
“Exactly,” I added.
We didn’t talk the rest of the way to the dealership. I couldn’t stop wringing my hands when we arrived. I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but then, I didn’t have much choice, did I? Not if I wanted to be able to get back and forth to work.
“Let me see your hand,” Harrison asked.
“Huh?”
“Your hand. Let me see it.” I held it out for him, and Harrison interlaced our fingers. “You’re nervous. Is this okay?”
He wanted to…hold my hand? I wasn’t sure a man had ever wanted that from me before, even if it was only to keep me from looking like a nervous wreck. “Yeah, it’s fine. Are you out here?”
“Yes and no. I don’t hide my bisexuality, but it doesn’t come up in everyday conversations. I’ve never brought someone I’m sleeping with here, so it’s not like they would have found out that way. If they don’t know, they will today.”
While my sexuality wasn’t something I struggled with—once I was out, I was out—it was just another way that Harrison seemed so brave to me. Like he would always do what he thought was right, always stand his ground no matter what the circumstances, in a way not many people did. I, for one, hadn’t even been sure how to react when the students had asked if I was gay. I didn’t think anything other than the truth was ever acceptable to Harrison.
We headed inside together. Everyone said hello to him as we passed, a few gazes lingering on our interlocked hands, and… “Oh my God!” I whispered.
“What?”
“They’re going to think you’re my sugar daddy.” The first time Harrison comes in here with a man, he’s seventeen years younger and Harrison is giving him a car…
“They’re not…”
“See?”
“Okay, fair point, and one I didn’t consider.” We were quiet as someone walked by. The middle of the showroom probably wasn’t the best place to have this conversation. “I’ll make sure they know you’re not.”
“Announcement at the next employee meeting?”
“I mean, it would be the most efficient way,” he teased. I tried to pull my hand away, and he laughed. “I’m kidding. Most people won’t think that, and if they do, it’s not like you’ll ever see them again. Let’s just get this taken care of.” When I didn’t move, he lowered his voice even more. “Trust me.”
I nodded and went with him. He approached a tall man with dark skin and a welcoming smile. His nametag read: Travis.
“Hey, Harrison. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, just some family business to take care of. We still have that Hyundai we got a couple of days ago, right?”
“Yep. It’s out back. They washed it, put new tires on, and gave it an oil change.”
“Okay. I’m going to need it. I’ll take care of the paperwork.”
I felt useless tagging along while Harrison talked to someone else about the keys and paperwork for the car. It didn’t take long before he was walking me out to the silver sedan that was nicer than anything I’d ever had in my life, and I just… “This feels wrong, like I’m taking advantage of you.” I leaned against the driver’s side door.
“No, you’re not. You’re the last person in the world who would do that, and I’m not giving it to you. You’re borrowing it, leasing it, or whatever word you want to use.”
I felt… Hell, I couldn’t really put it into words. Like things were shifting around inside me, filling me up, all this emotion building that I didn’t know what to do with. It was so damn foreign, like this visitor inside me I hadn’t expected. I wrapped my arms around him. In that moment, I didn’t care what anyone thought. I just needed to touch him, to try to tell him with my body the words my mouth struggled to set free.
I’d never, ever had someone in my life who treated me the way Harrison did. Who I could count on no matter what.
“Don’t stress,” he said close to my ear.
“I’m trying not to.”
“We better get you out of here before you’re late for work.”
It was a struggle, but I stepped away. “Thank you. I don’t…well, you know. Thank you,” I said again. I was clearly great with words at the moment. “I should head to Ross’s and change before I head in.” He shook his head but didn’t call me on not saying home. “Shit. I forgot my bag at your place. I have papers in there I need to grade.”
He fingered my hair as if plucking something out of it. “You can always just come back tonight…pack clothes when you get home, then stay at my place after work…”
No…say no… This is too much. I don’t do this. “I could probably do that. Are you going to fuck me, though? My hole is feeling a little empty.”
He growled. “If you’re not careful, Mr. Wescott, I’ll bend you over this car and fuck you right now.”
“Promises, promises,” I said just before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
“See you tonight.”
I got into the car. I had to force myself not to look in the rearview mirror and watch Harrison while I drove away.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Harrison
A couple of weeks went by, and Zander stayed at my house a few times a week. I liked having him there, liked looking over and seeing him with his laptop at the table, grading work or planning lessons. Liked hearing his phone go off with a reminder for him to do something. Part of it had to do with the fact that I didn’t feel like such a jackass slipping out of my son’s apartment every time Zander and I got together. The major factor, though, was that I liked being with him, spending time with him, laughing with him and having him tease me, and holding him at night.
He was still adjusting to the car thing. He would randomly thank me and always made sure to call it my car. He’d set out a plan and put it in writing about the payments he would make to me. I agreed only because I knew he needed me to, that he wouldn’t have driven the car if I hadn’t.
As time went on, it was becoming more and more clear that I was in over my head. That I’d misjudged this whole friends-with-benefits arrangement we’d agreed to—something I knew would come up when Warren and George arrived. I’d invited them over for dinner. Zander had driven to his hometown after school ended and wouldn’t be back until Sunday. Ross had plans with Trina. We hadn’t spent as much time together lately as I would have liked, and when we did, it was never the three of us—Ross, Zander, and me.