“I know what I said,” he cuts in.
His words sink directly into me, like a sudden punch to the gut. I fail at keeping my voice even when I ask, “So, you did say it?”
Holden stares at me a moment, then nods once.
“I figured you did.” I glance to the side, shifting the tears caused by my anger. And then I laugh because there’s nothing else I can do. “That’s why I told him I may as well give you a reason to believe I’ve been whoreing around for the past five years. Which, by the way, is real rich coming from you. How many girls—”
“I’m not the one who walked away from us, Jamie!” he shouts, his fists balled. He glances at me quickly before focusing on the back of the seat in front of him. Shaking his head, his voice breaks when he says, “You don’t fucking get it, do you?” Then he laughs once, a sad, sad sound that almost breaks my resolve. “Tell me what the fuck happened. You owe me this much.”
I watch him a moment, before answering, “He went to use the bathroom, and he didn’t bother doing up his fly when he came back. We both knew what we wanted… I was already on the bed, and so he got on top of me, between my legs, and started to pull down the top of my dress…”
The veins in Holden’s neck pop, but he refuses to look at me. “And then what?”
“And then you walked in.”
His shoulders drop an inch. “Did he kiss you?”
“No.”
“Did he touch you—” He clears his throat. “Did he touch you there?”
“No.”
“Did you want him to?”
I don’t take my eyes off of him. “Yes.”
His gaze snaps to mine. “Why?”
I refuse to hold back now. He wants the truth, I’ll fucking giving it to him. “Because I wanted to get fucked, Holden. I wanted to get railed so fucking hard, and I wanted to come all over his cock, just so I could have two fucking minutes of feeling anything other than what I’ve been feeling!”
His face turns red, either with rage or jealousy. Or maybe both. “Get out!” he seethes.
“My pleasure.” I open the door, get out, and slam it shut, my footsteps rushed as I head back to the party.
“Where the fuck are you going?” Holden calls out.
Over my shoulder, I shout, “Going to find Colton so we can finish what we started.”
I make it two steps before Holden’s in front of me, blocking my path. I try to move around him, but he won’t let me. He says, his words a deep rumble that has me standing my ground, “Any of my friends or ex-friends you want to leave untouched, you let me know.”
“Why?” I almost laugh, stepping right up to him, so we’re face to face. “So you can warn them about my magical, cock-hungry pussy?”
“Get fucked, Jamie.”
“I’m trying, but you’re kind of in my way.” My grin is deranged, but when I look at Holden—really, truly, look at him—I’m the only one smiling. The only one finding any humor in my actions. I keep my chin tipped, my chest aching at the sight of his pain. Eyes closed, I murmur, “Hate me yet?”
“Yeah, Jamie,” he scoffs, settling his hands on my waist and slowly guiding me back. “I hate you so much that I want to murder any guy who even looks your way.”
It’s his fingertips I feel first, gentle on my jaw, and then his thumb, stroking at my cheeks, wiping at the heated tears I didn’t know were there. And then his breath, hot against my lips. “Jamie,” he murmurs. And then he’s kissing me, his head tilted, tongue stroking against my mouth, begging for entry. I part my lips, our moans matching, merging into one. Carefully, he pushes me back until I’m leaning against the car, never once breaking from the kiss.
I melt, my entire body burning with desire, when he slides his hands down my sides, lifting the bottom of my dress. “You’re mine, Jamie. No one else’s,” he says, grasping my thigh and lifting it, spreading me open to the hardness trapped in his jeans. He presses into me as his kisses move down to my jaw and then my neck, my chest. The cool air hits my nipples when he tugs the fabric down, freeing my breasts. But the heat of his tongue soon replaces the chill as he licks, sucks, bites. I grasp onto his shoulders to keep myself upright because my legs are weak, barely able to hold the weight of my pleasure. He’s quick to lift the hem of my dress higher, his expert hands finding the apex of my thighs. After pushing my underwear to the side, he slides a finger inside me.
I choke on a breath, my body shuddering in response. “Fuck, Holden.”
He works me to the edge with his mouth on my breasts and his fingers alone, something he’s fucking pro at doing. Then he pulls back to look at me, the pure lust in his eyes sending a shiver through my spine. Keeping his eyes on mine, he lowers himself to a squatting position and removes my underwear completely. I look up at the stars just as he leans forward. The first stroke of his tongue is soft, gentle, just enough to part my slit. “Oh, God.”
His fingers join his mouth, and he brings me closer and closer to bliss. I’m so fucking wet I can hear the sounds of my liquid pleasure breaking through my harsh breaths. Mouth dry, I look down at him, and he pauses when he sees me. And then slowly, he makes a show of flattening his tongue along the entire length of my pussy. It’s that one look, that one move that sends me over the edge. I pulse around his fingers while my stomach tenses with each wave of my release, and before I can recover, Holden’s arm is around my waist, lifting me off my feet while he frees his cock. He enters me. Without pause. Without warning. And then he fucks me.
Hard.
Fast.
Meaningless.
When he’s done, he stills… and I hold on to him, knowing I’ll lose him the second he pulls away.
Through labored breaths, he slowly releases me, saying, “I’ll get you the morning-after pill tomorrow.”
Right.
Because we didn’t use protection.
For the sex.
Or for our hearts.
And broken hearts aren’t just a metaphor because I can feel the physical cracking of mine beneath my ribs. I can hear the cry of its pain in the way my pulse beats—weak—clinging to this wreckage of my life.
24
Jamie
Holden joins me in the car and rests his head on the steering wheel. For seconds that feel like hours, he stays that way, his ragged breaths floating between us. There are so many words flashing through my mind, so many things I wish I could tell him. I’ll start with an apology, I decide, and then I’ll go from there. I open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it.
“I needed to know what happened with you and Colton, so I could find a new reason to be mad at you because I’m running out…” He lifts his head, his sad, solemn eyes right on mine. “And I can’t do this again. I can’t fall for you again, and I’m starting to. And the worst part is that I know… I know we could be so good, but I also know that I would wake up every single day with this fucking paralyzing fear that you’re just going to disappear on me. Just up and leave me, and I…” He sucks in a breath, releases it slowly, and all I can do is watch him. Watch the hurt and destruction I caused tear him down. Break him. Shatter him. Piece by piece. “I need to protect my heart so that you can’t destroy it again.”