“Of course you can stay, and you don’t need to pay me shit, Jamie, and you definitely don’t need to ask permission.”
She freezes mid-movement. “Well, technically, legally, I do. And ethically, I suppose.” There’s a humorous lilt in her tone, and I just… I don’t get it.
Until I do.
She’s happy she’s leaving, and I wonder if this is how she felt the first time she did this to me.
“What’s going to happen to the RV?” I ask, gripping the edge of the mattress.
“Someone’s coming to tow it on Tuesday and take it back to their garage. They’ll let me know if it’s worth fixing. If not, I’ll just sell it for scrap metal, and if it is, then I’ll either get someone to drive it to Tennessee and pay for their flight back, or Maggie said she would help me sell it. She’ll ship my stuff to me and donate what I don’t need.”
“And then what?”
She’s sliding open overhead cabinets as she says, “And then… I don’t really know what. I just…” she trails off.
I finish for her. “You just need to get out of here?”
“Yeah,” she says through a sigh, revealing a familiar box and holding it to her chest. “It took me three days. I barely slept. Barely ate. And then I drove sixteen hours here, running on nothing more than hopes and dreams…” She laughs once, the sound of disappointment. “To think that a single puzzle piece brought me all the way here…” She holds the box up between us. “Do you want it?”
My chest tightens. “Do you not?”
“You know where this has been for the past five years?”
I shake my head, swallow my emotions. “Where?”
“In the safe in Zeke’s office,” she says, and she’s back to packing again. “That’s how important it is to me.”
“So why would you give it to me?”
She faces me, shrugging. “Something to remember me by?”
I keep my eyes on hers when I say, “As if I could ever forget you, Jamie.”
Her smile is tight. Fake. “Something good to remember me by then?” She starts to turn, but I reach over and grab her arm.
“Can you just… stop packing. I can’t think with all of this going on.” I tug on her hand. “Just sit with me a second.”
She sits beside me, her bare thigh brushing against my jeans. I rest my elbows on my knees and run my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends. My entire body jerks when I feel her hand on my back, her cheek resting beside it. “Maggie’s going to miss you,” I choke out. And by Maggie, I mean me. I should probably find a way to tell her that, but fear locks those words away in the organ she once broke. And I can’t forget that. Even if I want to.
“You know, I’ve traveled a lot,” she says, her voice soft, solemn. “I’ve met a ton of people, and I’ve never connected with anyone the way I have with her.”
“So stay…” Fuck. I wasn’t supposed to say that, but now it’s out there, and I can’t take it back. I turn to her, search her eyes for a semblance of anything. “At least until you know what’s going to happen with this thing.” I glance around the RV. “It just seems like a lot of work for—”
“I can’t, Holden.”
“Because of me?”
“No. Not because of you. But for you. And me. I don’t want to ruin your life any more than I have, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been mentally spiraling ever since I got here.”
“Yeah, because of me.”
“Stop.” She gets up, and I think she’s going to go back to packing, but instead, she stands in front of me, her fingers lacing through my hair as she brings my head to her stomach, holding me to her. “It’s not your fault, Holden,” she whispers, stroking my hair. I wrap my arms around her, ignoring the warmth that seeps through my flesh and soothes my insides. “Please don’t think that it is.”
I pull away so I can look up at her. “How can I not, Jamie?”
“Hang on,” she says, and I hold on to her hand for as long as I can, releasing her only when she’s out of reach. She gets something from the dash and returns a moment later. Sitting beside me again, she shows me the photograph of her out in the daisy field, with windburned cheeks and a daisy chain for a crown. “Remember this?”
“Of course I do.”
“I’d never felt freer than I did that day. And it wasn’t because you’d gifted me this experience I never thought I would have, or even the incredible sex…”
A chuckle brews, but I keep it down.
Jamie’s smile is so real, so raw. She watches me, her words igniting a flicker of hope inside me, a reminder of why I fell in love with her in the first place. With unshed tears in her eyes, she shudders an exhale and says, “I travel the country trying to chase that same high I felt that day. Trying to find those emotions again. I’d spent so much of my life hiding or trying to portray a version of myself that I wanted other people to see that I never really got to know me, who I was… until that day.” She stares down at the picture—an image of peace, of hope. “I want to become that girl again, Holden, and I highly doubt I’m going to find her here.” She blinks hard, releasing the tears, and I get to them before she can.
I hold her face in my hands, rest my forehead against hers.
Our eyes hold.
Our lips linger.
Our breaths merge, roll into one.
And my chest… my chest aches because my heart weakens—a useless reminder of the damage she’d caused.
I pull back, release her completely.
And just like that, the spell is broken.
As broken as we are.
26
Jamie
The knock on my door comes a few seconds after the headlights, the door closing, and then the footsteps. It reminds me of the night he returned my pendant. I haven’t asked how he managed to find it. I probably should.
I check the time on my laptop, noting it’s just after ten. I’d spent most of the day packing up the RV and getting ready for my flight first thing in the morning.
The knocking starts again, only this time it’s louder. Harder. “Jamie!” Holden calls. “I know you’re in there. And if you’re naked, don’t bother getting dressed. I’ve seen it all before.” I can hear his stupid chuckle from here.
Rolling my eyes, I get up to open the door for him. “Hey.”
He steps back to avoid getting hit with the door. “Do you know what I just realized?” he says, hands shoved deep in his jeans pockets. He’s in a dark gray, long-sleeve tee with the sleeves pushed up, his toned forearms on full display. He looks… okay, I guess.
“What did you just realize?”
“I’ve punched exactly two people in my entire life, and both of them were for you.”
“For me?”
“About you,” he corrects.
Is that why he’s here? For an apology? “Well, you should probably stop doing that, Holden.”
“Maybe.” He shrugs, his eyes taking me in. “Did Mags take you to visit my grandma?”