He chuckles, shaking his head.
“I can attack it full-force. I think it would really help.”
“I think it would too,” he agrees, “but I don’t want you spending your money on it, and we can’t pay you for your time.”
“Shut your perfectly pleasurable, filthy little mouth,” I snap and wait for him to settle his laughter. “Holden, that place is my legacy too, now, right?”
“Of course it is,” he says, nodding, his eyes softening as his lips lift at the corners.
“And our future childrens’…”
He leans forward, his words a whisper, “I’m going to blow so many fucking loads inside you—”
I shove his face away. “So I can do it?”
“That would be amazing,” he says, his gaze shifting to the diner’s door.
I hear him before I see him. “Uncle Holden!” My smile widens when I turn to Benny but fades just as fast when I see who’s with him.
Tammy and Joseph wait until Benny’s sitting beside Holden before taking a four-top as far away as possible. I spin around, sit ramrod straight as I face Holden and Benny.
“Hi, Miss Jamie!” Benny sings.
“Hi, sweet boy.”
Benny talks, and Holden dips his head, listening to him, but watching me. I plaster a smile, let him know I’m okay.
I don’t know if I am.
I haven’t seen Tammy and Joseph since our encounter in the driveway, and it’s not as if I didn’t expect to at some point. Blessing is a tiny town with a population of just over 200. I just… I wasn’t prepared, and now I’m sitting here, having to fake it in front of my fiancé.
It hurts.
“Bennett!” Joseph calls out. “Come and tell us what you want to order, buddy!”
Benny gets out of the seat but doesn’t leave right away. “You guys coming?” he asks, looking between Holden and me.
Holden glances at me quickly, his brow furrowed, eyes unfocused. I hate, hate, hate this for him. “Maybe another time.”
“You should go,” I tell him.
Benny’s grasping Holden’s arm now, trying to pull him from the booth. “Come on!”
“I can’t,” I tell Benny. “I have somewhere to be.” To Holden, I say, “Go! I told Jimmy I’d be at his studio ten minutes ago. You can get a ride back, right?” I reach over, palm up for Holden’s keys.
“Babe…”
I motion to Benny, almost imperceptibly, hinting not to do this now—not in front of him. And besides, there’s no reason he shouldn’t spend time with his family. I know he speaks to his mom. I’ve caught him on the phone with her a few times now, and he’s always so quick to hang up, as if what he’s doing is wrong. It’s not. And no matter how many times I tell him I want him to have a relationship with Tammy, he still feels like he has to hide it from me.
I hate that he feels like he’s stuck in the middle. That he has to somehow choose between his mother and fiancée, and that it’s either/or, or it’s nothing.
It’s not at all fair to him. I know this. But I’m trying. I’m getting there, I’ve wanted to tell him. I just need time.
“Come on!” Benny urges, tugging on Holden’s arm again.
Holden finally relents, taking his keys from his pocket and handing them to me. “I’ll be home soon, okay?” he says, sliding out of the booth.
“Take your time. I’ll be at Jimmy’s for a couple of hours.”
He dumps some cash on the table for our meal and then bends down, kisses my cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I assure. “Now, go!”
I don’t watch them walk hand in hand toward their family.
Just like I don’t hold back my emotions as I walk out of the diner to Holden’s truck.
And I definitely don’t fight back the tears as I sit behind the wheel, watching Holden and his mom hug each other so tight you’d think they haven’t seen each other for months.
Maybe they haven’t.
Or maybe they have.
And that, too, is something else Holden feels the need to hide from me.
52
Jamie
“That turned out so good!” Paul says, his voice loud with excitement.
I look down at my latest project: a flying pig made from an old milk can and whatever scraps I could find around the studio. Then I look at what he’s working on: a massive, intricate orb chandelier that was commissioned by the local church.
I stifle my guffaw.
My pig has bottle caps for eyes, and his piece has crystals.
“You going to paint it?” he asks. “I think I have some leftover pink laying around.”
God, Holden would die with laughter if I brought home a pink metal pig with wings. “Absolutely.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I retrieve it, opening the text message from Holden.
Holden: Benny wanted me to come back to his house to show me some of his new rocks. Is it cool if I go?
I’m quick to respond.
Jamie: Of course! You don’t need my permission.
Holden: Are you sure? I wouldn’t go if it weren’t him asking. And it’s been a while since I was over there, so...
Did I mention that I hate, hate, hate this for him? I write back:
Jamie: I love you. Go!
His reply is instant.
Holden: I’ll walk home or get Mia to give me a ride.
Holden: I love you too. So much.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Paul asks.
“Yeah, why?”
“You look like you did that day I drove you to the airport.” He pauses a beat. “A little heartbroken...”
I shove my phone in my pocket and attempt to smile over at him. “Can I ask you something?”
After removing his helmet completely, he nods once.
“If you don’t like the townsfolk calling you Peg-leg, why don’t you say something? Why don’t you stand up for yourself?”
“I don’t know.” His shoulders lift with his shrug as he leans against the workbench. “I guess, in a way, it’s the lesser of two evils, right? I’d rather they do it to my face than whisper behind my back.”
I think about his answer for a long moment, finally responding, “So, if someone had something bad to say about you but told you to your face, you’d be okay with that?”
“Well…” He sighs, crossing his arms as he contemplates. “Is the something bad true or false?”
“A little of both,” I mumble.
He runs a hand over his handlebar mustache, shifting the hairs in all directions. “In my mind, I’d hope that I’d set ’em straight right then and there, but in reality… I’m not sure what I’d do.” He eyes me curiously and adds, “Why? What did you do?”
My heart sinks at the reality of my situation. “I ran away.”
He nods as if knowing this already. “You regret that?” he asks.
“Not regret, so much, because I don’t think I could have set ’em straight back then. I just… I wish I had the courage to do it now.”