“Not going to argue?” he asked.
“Am I supposed to?”
He kissed the top of my head. “No, but I expected at least a little bit of a fight. Wouldn’t have changed the outcome. If you’d have tried to leave, I’d have just gone after you.”
I tried to still my mind, to blank everything and just sleep, but I couldn’t. As much as everything he said was turning me on, I had to wonder if he’d said those same words to another woman some other time. I wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t a virgin like me. The women I’d seen at the clubhouse had probably volunteered to keep his bed warm on many occasions. It was a disturbing thought. I didn’t have any idea if the men I’d seen last night were with someone or single. If they did have a woman at home, did she know they were with other women? Would I be expected to just look the other way?
Outlaw sighed. “Baby girl, what’s going through your mind?”
“If you claim me, what does that mean? I know you wouldn’t let me leave, but what exactly would I be to you?”
He rolled to his back and pulled me tight against his side. I felt his fingers tugging on my hair as he played with the strands. For the longest time, he didn’t say a word, and I worried he wouldn’t answer my question. Then he finally spoke.
“This club, they’re my family. I consider the men here my brothers. Right now, only two of them have women in their lives they’ve claimed. Badger has Adalia as his ol’ lady, and Dingo claimed Meiling. When someone like me claims you, it’s forever, Elena. I won’t let you go. Ever. Once you’re mine, that’s it. Anyone else touches you, I’ll hand their ass to them. They fuck you, I’ll kill them.”
My breath hitched and my eyes went wide. He’d just admitted that he would murder someone. The first frisson of fear settled in me. I really didn’t know anything about this man. What if I made him so angry he decided to kill me? Suddenly, all the warm fuzzies were fleeing. My heart slammed against my ribs and I tensed a little. I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it.
He stroked his fingers down my arm. “Calm down, angel. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
“Just other people?”
“There’s something you need to understand. I think you’ve lived your life with blinders on, and it’s part of what I like about you. The sweetness and innocence. You don’t find that around here. A few years ago a friend of mine was dragged from her home. Those men took me too, thinking I was her husband. I let them beat the shit out of me to keep them distracted. If I hadn’t, they’d have raped and tortured her. It cost me, a lot, but I’d do it again in a second. Those men were dealt with.”
I tried to digest what he was saying, but it was hard. It was one thing to read about stuff like that in paper or see it in a movie. I’d never actually known anyone who faced that kind of thing. He was right. I had been living life with blinders on. Not once had it ever occurred to me that the ugliness in the world could ever touch me. It was naïve, and I realized that now, but that didn’t make murder right. Did it?
“I will protect you with my last breath, Elena. If that means I kill someone to do it, then so be it. There are monsters in the world who deserve to die. If they don’t, then countless others will be hurt or worse. If I can stop just one of those men from taking a life or ruining an innocent, then I’ll do it.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “The room I came from earlier, it’s where I keep my computers and other tech. I used to be a hacker. A damn good one.”
“Used to be?” I asked.
He held up a hand and flexed his fingers. “The beating I took resulted in most of the bones in my hands being broken or crushed. They don’t function the way they used to. Some of it is nerve damage, some of it just the bones not healing quite right. I’m not quick enough on a keyboard anymore to be of much use. I can dig a little, but I can’t risk going too deep and getting caught because of my fucked-up hands.”
I didn’t know anything about hackers, or computers for that matter.
“I’m not a good guy, Elena. Not like other men you’ve met. And I’m not counting Garrison West in that scenario, or even your foster father. I think they’re neck deep in some shady shit. The point is that yes, I will kill to protect my family, to protect you, and I’ll do whatever else is necessary to keep you safe and give you all the things you want or need.”
I traced the tattoo over his ribs with my finger while I thought about everything he’d said. He’d been honest even though he didn’t have to be. At least, I assumed he was being honest. I couldn’t think of a single person who would admit to being capable of killing someone unless they would actually do it. This wasn’t the type of conversation where such a thing could be a boast. If he’d said as much to another man, then maybe I could have passed it off as bragging or trying to seem tougher than he was, but I knew that wasn’t the case. He truly meant that he’d hurt someone to keep me safe, even kill them.
“I should let you go. I know it’s wrong to keep you, lock you up here at the compound, and keep you with me. It’s selfish. Probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done, but I can’t let you go, angel. I’ve never met anyone like you before, and I somehow doubt there’s another like you out there.”
“Do I have to share you with those other women?” I asked.
I saw his faint smile in the dim light that was starting to stream through the windows. His gaze locked with mine, and the humor I saw there made me wonder what he found so funny.
“Angel, none of those women can hold a candle to you. I don’t want them. Only you.” He grabbed a fistful of my hair and tugged lightly. “You’re it for me, baby girl. So no, you don’t have to share me. Any of those bitches puts her hands on me, you have my permission to put her on her ass.”
I wasn’t the violent type. I’d never so much as yelled at someone before, much less gotten physical. Did he want me to do that? To shove someone, or get into a fight over him? Just what sort of rabbit hole had I fallen down? Then again, if this was Wonderland, it was a really fucked-up version.
“So we’d be exclusive,” I said, hoping he wasn’t going to disagree. “A couple?”
“More like you’d be my wife, except not necessarily with all the paperwork involved. But if you want a wedding, I’m happy to marry you. You being my ol’ lady, wearing a cut that says you’re my property, that holds far more weight around here than a marriage ceremony.”
Married. He wanted to marry me. My head was starting to hurt, and I didn’t think it was from a lack of sleep. It was all too much to take in at one time. We hadn’t even known each other for a full day.
“Sleep. I’ll answer any other questions you have when the time is right.” He stroked my arm again, the movement slow and gentle. It was hard to imagine the tough guy having such a soft side.
“Outlaw,” I said, my voice heavy with sleep as my eyes started to close.
“Call me Noah,” he said. “But only when we’re alone like this.”
“Noah.” I smiled. The name didn’t seem hardcore enough for a biker, but I liked it. “Don’t let me sleep too long.”