My heart has belonged to him since the day he saved me, so there’s no use in trying to deny him it now.
Ten
LIZZY
I smooth my dress out as I stand in front of the mirror in the master bedroom. I scrutinize the outfit and wonder if this is the one I should go with. It’s a soft peachy pink and I love the way it fits tight at the top and flares out around my waist. It’s soft and pretty and I know it fits the guidelines I have to follow to be able to go see Rocco. I don’t want to break any of the rules. I’d be devastated if they denied me a visit.
I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long I want everything to go off without a hitch. I don’t know why but I have this nagging feeling this might be my only chance to see him. I’m scared he’s going to change his mind about me coming to see him.
I know he wants to see me, but he also sees me as this soft sweet girl that shouldn’t be coming to a prison. Maybe I am but I don’t care. I’d go anywhere to see him. I want him to see this isn’t only about him saving me. It’s about so much more. I want to be with him and this is the way to show him.
I turn to get a view of myself from behind and I think it’s a little sexy. I shamelessly told Rocco in my last letter what I’d be wearing under my dress today. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I could change my mind I sealed the letter and dropped it into the mail.
I might not be able to touch him, but I wanted something between us that’s more intimate than sitting across the table from him. I need it and I hope that this small dirty thing will give it to us. I look over myself one last time before I go over to Mrs. Honey’s house and ask her what she thinks of it.
She got home a few days ago and I’m thanking God she was okay. There aren’t any long-term side effects and I know this scared everyone. Somehow she ingested something she shouldn’t have and her doctors are still running tests to try and narrow down what it might have been.
I went to her house and threw everything out, then cleaned her kitchen from top to bottom. Still, something sat wrong with me about the whole thing. I can’t put my finger on it, but what I can do is keep a better eye on her. God knows her son isn’t going to do it.
“Mrs. Honey,” I call out as I knock on the door then push it open. No matter how many times I tell her she needs to lock her door she doesn’t. She’s set in her ways.
“In here,” she calls out from her kitchen, and when I walk in she turns to see me. “Oh my. You’re going to kill that man,” she laughs as her face lights up with a smile.
“It meets code.” I say as I double-check the length of the dress. Nothing is stopping me from seeing Rocco today.
“You look beautiful.” She walks over and cups my face. “You’re going to give him a reason to get out as soon as he can,” she adds, wiggling her eyebrows and making me flush.
“Mrs. Honey!” I gasp at her innuendo even though it was what I was going for. I want him to see me as sexy and not just the girl he saved. He always talks about how sweet and innocent I am.
He has no idea the thoughts I have in my head about his rough side. I’ve always been a bigger girl and I’ve been thinking to myself that I’m built this way to handle a man as big as Rocco. I won’t break under his firm hold.
“Go see your man,” she says as she kisses me on each cheek.
“I’ll bring dinner back with me,” I tell her and walk out the front door. She’ll be waiting to hear all about me getting to finally see Rocco. She’s the only person in my life that gets it.
It’s doesn’t take me long to get my things together and get on the road. The drive is over an hour and it feels like an eternity.
I swallow when I see the prison in the distance and my eyes start to water. I’m thinking about how Rocco has to spend every day locked inside there for saving me and it makes me emotional. It’s such bullshit, and as happy as I am that he saved me, I wish I’d never gone on that date to begin with. He could be out living his life as a free man.
I wipe the tears away as I get closer, not wanting to show that I’ve been crying. I don’t want to put a damper on today and I know Rocco won’t like knowing I’ve been upset.
I give my driver’s license to the guard before they open the gates to let me in. I pull into the parking lot and put the slip they gave me in my window. I put on some lip gloss and give my hair one last check before I grab my bag. How can I be so scared and excited at the same time? I take a deep breath and step out of the SUV as I look at the giant concrete building that Rocco is inside of. My eyes sting again but I fight it. I have to be strong.
I also need to remember to keep it together in there. I’m not sure if I’m going to throw myself at him the second I see him or turn into my introverted self and let my shyness take over. Writing letters is so easy and I can say anything I want. I let my pen go and tell him anything and everything that comes to mind.
Today I’ll get to look into his eyes and watch his expressions as I talk. I’ll see the way he looks at me and if he really thinks I’m as pretty as he says. I smile when I think about the letter he sent requesting more photos.
I made the mistake of telling one of the girls I had class with about Rocco. Sometimes it’s hard to not talk about him. When I made a slip about him she wanted to know all the details. At first I thought she was being friendly, but looking back I know she only wanted gossip to tell other people about me. Not only that, she told me to stop being pathetic because Rocco was only giving me attention because he has nothing better to do. Who else is going to write him every day, she said to me as she rolled her eyes. Her words stung, and as much as I tell myself they weren’t true, a tiny insecure part of me asks, what if she’s right?
I lick my lips as I open one of the oversized metal doors and step inside. In the waiting room I’m told to go to the guard at the gate and once I get there, six armed guards turn to look at me as I enter.
“I’m here to see Rocco Lang,” I say, holding my chin high. I don’t feel any shame because I know my man didn’t do anything wrong.
Eleven
ROCCO
I didn’t sleep at all last night. How could I after her last letter? She told me she’d be wearing soft pink lacy panties and a matching bra. She just added it in like I wouldn’t turn into an animal at the thought.
My hand cramps after jerking off so many times. My cock is in pain, but it’s not from being sore, it’s because nothing would take away my need for her. The fact that I know she’s going to be right across the table from me has kept me pacing in my cell all night like a caged lion. I’m not sure how I’m going to control myself when I finally get to see her.
It feels like weeks instead of hours, but finally when the guard comes over to my cell and opens it up I’m on my way to her. My feet are almost as heavy as my heart. What if she takes one look at me and decides she was wrong? What if she’s built all of this up in her head and she realizes that she’s too good for me? Because she is.
When I get to the visitation room the guard walks me over to a table and uncuffs me. I’m considered a non-violent offender so I’m allowed to embrace my visitor once at the beginning and once at the end, but there’s no touching otherwise. I have to keep my hands where they can see them and someone will be watching us at all times.