She resisted rolling her eyes. “I need to go into Sea Haven and do some shopping. Women things. Might need to stop by the Floating Hat and get a hex or two as well.” She hoped to make him smile again.
“It can’t wait until we get back from the run?”
His hand on her bottom was bringing every nerve ending screaming back to life, centering her awareness to his mesmerizing touch.
“Birth control. Feminine products. Things for women. Hexes for controllers for on and off switches. No, honey. Can’t put those off.”
His palm followed the curve of her cheeks, fingers just barely brushing her slick heat. Her sex clenched, wept for him. She closed her eyes and let herself savor belonging to him. He was clearly struggling with the thought of leaving her alone. He’d told her from the beginning he wanted her with him, and he’d kept to that.
“On and off switches?” He bent his head and pressed a line of kisses from the small of her back along several of the faint stripe marks still visible over her bottom. “You can’t be talking about the part of my body you love best.”
The whisper of his fingers slid through her wetness again. Her sex clenched in reaction. Nerve endings lit up. It felt good to just lie there with him stroking her so gently. Those little caresses, asking nothing of her. Just being so sweet. Teasing. She loved it when he was like this with her. When they were just happy.
“Well, I did kind of fall in love with that particular part of your anatomy, it’s true. So many things to love about it. But—and that’s a big but—it’s very demanding when I want to sleep. I’m a woman who loves my sleep. A remote might be just the thing. You can control my comings and goings, and I’ll control your … er … ups and downs.”
He laughed—a real laugh—and her heart turned over. Her stomach did that looping roller coaster that did her in every time. Love was intense. Overwhelming. The slow burn was even better than the rush of a firestorm. His breath on her neck, the soft laughter melting her heart. She was so in love with him.
“Seychelle,” he whispered right in that spot where her shoulder met her neck, sending shivers down her spine. “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful inside and out. I swear there’s this light in you that shines so fuckin’ bright it pushes out the demons in me and makes me feel like a human being. You make me feel like I’m a man, not a monster walking this earth.”
Air was instantly trapped in her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. A lump formed in her throat. She closed her eyes tight against the sudden burn. Savage kept his face buried tight against her sensitive skin, the bristle along his jaw rasping like sandpaper, causing every nerve ending to rise to the surface in electrical shock.
“From that first moment when you shoved me out of the way of the truck and you took the hit for me, when you opened your eyes, you saw right past the monster. You never saw him. You always saw the man. Even in the hospital room, I let him out deliberately. I let him taunt you, so you’d be afraid and run from me, but you kept looking past him and seeing the man.”
He kept whispering to her, choking her up, so she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t speak. His arm had curved around her hips, locking down the way he did, holding her so tight sometimes she wondered what he was doing—until now. Until this moment. Now she knew why he lay facedown on her belly, arms around her hips, locking her to him.
“Honey.” One hand managed to move to his head—the head he kept shaved. No thick blond hair for him. He wouldn’t ever be that little boy again. She couldn’t imagine what he would do if he ever had a son with blond curls. “You’ve always been that man. That sweet, loving man. Mine. I’ll always see you.”
He shook his head. “Why do I need …” He shook his head again and then lifted it to look her in the eyes. “No, crave. Have to hurt the woman I love, adore, respect and admire the most in the world. Why do I need that in order to be aroused? I can’t stop thinking about what I want to do to you next. I love what we did last night. I want more. I’ve never felt so free. At the same time, when we’re not having sex, I look at you and wonder how you can be with someone like me. I used to not care what I was. I really didn’t. Now, when I watch you sleep and you look like a fuckin’ angel, I want to put a bullet in my head or drive off a cliff for what I’m doing to you, for where I’m taking you.”
Her heart accelerated. Savage was capable of doing either one of those things if he decided he wanted out. She forced her sore body to move, turning enough that she could frame his face with both hands.
“You aren’t thinking straight, Savin Pajari; clearly you need me to set you right. You are a man. My man. My choice. You don’t ever get to take that away from me. I’m not such an angel that I don’t enjoy what we’re doing. That’s part of the reason I have such a difficult time with coming to terms with our relationship. I still don’t understand the me part of it. Stop condemning who you are. Let it be. We’re going to have real issues, Savage. Relationship issues. The sexual part is something we seem to communicate about fairly well.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. He smelled and tasted delicious. He’d taken a shower, and she was certain she had morning breath and smelled like sex and more sex. Maybe stale sex.
“You haven’t seen the real monster yet, Seychelle. When he comes out, even my brothers tend to tread softly. I can barely control him. The things he will want to do to you terrify me.”
“They don’t terrify me,” she said truthfully. “You and the monster are one and the same. He’s simply another side of you. You don’t fully understand him. He’s actually a good part. He’s filled with rage because he took that on for others. What does that make him?”
He sat up. “Don’t baby. Really. I go to fucking underground fight clubs where you can fight someone to the death. The only reason I don’t kill someone with my bare hands is because my brothers pull me off. And it takes more than one of them to do it. That person is no saint, and you can’t ever deceive yourself into thinking he is. He knows you. Knows your weaknesses. Knows you love him. He’ll seduce you into giving him more. He’ll take and take from you. You can’t let him do that, and if you think he’s a fucking saint, you will.”
She actually heard a note of very real fear in his voice. His face was an expressionless mask, but his eyes were hard, two blue ice chips. Glaciers.
She stroked her fingers over his features, the bones, his eyes, nose and mouth. “He may think he knows me, but he must have forgotten how protective I am. How extremely loyal. I love my man. He asked me to be strong enough for both of us when the time came. I will. It won’t matter what is happening or what he tries; I only know one thing. Savin ‘Savage’ Pajari is my choice, and I will never let him down. When he needs me, he can count on me. The rest of the time, Savage, if I’m on board, even then when things seem out of hand, just feel the freedom and let go. Trust me to say enough when it is for me. When it is for you.”
She meant every word. There was utter resolve in her mind. In her heart. It wouldn’t matter how erotic or sensual Savage made anything sound; if she could tell he was pushing past where they should be going, she would put a stop to it. Even if it felt like the most sinful paradise ever. She was resolved to stop it.