He nodded.
I wasn’t going to lie, I felt relief knowing who they were and that they weren’t some random women Kyle and Hunter had met.
Walking over to Hunter’s desk, my breath caught in my throat. Tears suddenly sprang up and I blinked rapidly to keep them from spilling free. I reached down and picked up the 5x7 frame that held a picture of me and Hunter at Bishop and Abby’s wedding. Their first wedding. My heart raced so fast, I nearly felt dizzy.
Hunter kept a picture of us on his desk. A tear dropped free and hit the frame. I used my finger to wipe it away, then turned to look at him. “You have a picture of us on your desk?”
A shy smile appeared on his face, and he gave a half shrug. “Just like you have that note I gave you still sitting in the honey jar.”
I felt my eyes go wide. “When did you…”
It struck me that Hunter had seen it when he’d been at my place. It was sitting on the small desk in the little nook of the living room.
He chuckled. “I don’t remember how old I was when I wrote that note. High school?”
“Yeah,” I said with a small nod. “Our senior year.”
“That’s right. I meant it, the words I wrote to you.”
I had pulled that note out of the small jar so many times and read it. It was worn and torn in a few spots, but it had kept me from almost losing my mind a few times.
Bella, you will always own my heart. Love, Hunter.
“What if…I mean…” My voice drifted away as I stared at the picture. “Can you still love me, Hunter, if darkness has touched me?”
His brows drew in. “You could never have a dark side to you, Arabella.”
I felt my chin wobble. “I do.”
“Is that why you pushed me away?”
Swallowing hard, I pulled my gaze from his and looked past him into the hallway. He was blocking the doorway, and I suddenly felt trapped.
As if sensing my fear, Jack bumped my leg and whined. Hunter noticed, then looked back at me. He stepped out of the room and motioned down the hall. “Two more rooms left.”
“Right,” I said, quickly walking out of the office. I peeked into one room and smiled. It was the guest room, and either Willa or his other sister Lacy, or maybe his mother, had to have decorated the space. It was the only room in the house with paintings and décor like decorative pillows and a mirror hung up on the wall.
“As you can tell, I didn’t have a hand in decorating this room.”
“I see that,” I said with a giggle. “Sisters or mom?”
He rolled his eyes. “All three of them. They wanted to do all kinds of things to this house when I bought it. I had to put my foot down, but I gave them this room and the bathroom.”
When I stepped into the guest bathroom, I couldn’t help but laugh. Hunter’s family owned an apple orchard, and apparently the décor in there was paying homage to that. The shower curtain, as well as the pictures on the walls were nothing but apples. “Apples?”
Hunter rolled his eyes. “Cruel joke by Lacy and Willa.”
“I like it.”
“Glad someone does,” he mumbled before walking down to the end of the hallway. The door to his bedroom was open, and he walked in first. When I stepped inside, I drew in a deep breath. It smelled like Hunter. A mix of cedar and menthol from the shaving cream he used.
“You still use the same shaving cream,” I said, not even realizing I had spoken until the words slipped free.
“I do. You always said it smelled like cedar and medicine.”
I turned in a slow circle as I took in the large bedroom. A king-size bed sat against the largest wall. A simple black iron bedframe was flanked by two large windows with a beautiful view of the mountains. Hunter’s house backed up to a wildlife management area, so no houses could ever be built there.
“What a beautiful view,” I said softly, making my way deeper into the room.
“It is.”
I glanced around again and noticed Hunter didn’t have anything hung up on the walls in here either. There was no other furniture in the room besides a large dresser.
“Don’t you want something on your walls?” I asked as I walked toward a door that I assumed was the bathroom.
“I never really figured I’d be staying in the house long term.”
“You want to move?”
Hunter looked around the room and shrugged. “Yeah, this place was always just a starter house. It’s not a very big house to raise a family in.”
My steps faltered, and I nearly tripped. I put my hand on the bathroom counter to steady myself.
Hunter had been thinking about starting a family? I wasn’t sure why that would surprise me. He was thirty-three, after all. It was time to start thinking like that…and Lord knows I had been.
I took in the big bathroom. It had two sinks, a large walk-in shower, and an old-fashioned clawfoot tub. I walked over to it and ran my fingers along the cool cast iron. I loved big tubs and wished I had one of my own to soak in.
I felt Hunter behind me, so I slowly turned around.
His eyes searched my face as if he was desperately trying to read my mind.
“You’ve thought about a family?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes. I’ve always wanted one.”
Tears pricked again at the back of my eyes. “I know,” I whispered. “I wanted to be the one to give it to you.”
That caused him to take a step back. Something moved across his face and for a moment, it looked like anger…but not necessarily directed at me. Or maybe it was, and I was simply being hopeful.
Before I could stop them, tears rolled down my cheeks and a sob slipped free. “I’m so sorry, Hunter.”
He shook his head and walked over to me. Pulling me into his arms, he held me as I buried my face into his shirt and cried.
Something inside of me just broke. The dam I had built to hold back all the feelings I’d kept inside after breaking up with Hunter cracked open. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Disappointment. Jealousy. Guilt. It all broke free, and the only thing I could do was cry. And boy did I.
“Shhh, don’t cry, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.”
It was too late. The flood gates had been opened, and all I wanted to do was scream in frustration. I wanted to tell Hunter everything, yet I wanted to tell him nothing. I had never felt more confused and scared.
“I’m…I’m so…I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Bella, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
I felt my legs give out and before I knew it, Hunter had me in his arms. He carried me over to the bed and set me down. I wasn’t even aware I’d curled up into a fetal position until Hunter moved onto the bed and lay next to me. He pulled me to him and I buried my face in his chest once more.
I couldn’t speak. I could hardly breathe. All I could do was cry for the dreams we’d both lost. The missed moments. The missed trips. The missed kisses. The feel of his body over mine as he made love to me. It had been taken from me, and I’d been too weak to fight to get it back. How could Hunter ever forgive me for all the lost time? Stolen from us because of me? It was all my fault—and I wasn’t sure there was anything I could ever do to make up for it.
“Oh God, Hunter. I’m so sorry!” I cried out as I grabbed his shirt and gasped for air.