My heart started to beat frantically, and my breathing increased. A tight feeling gripped my chest, and I tried to scream—but nothing would come out.
Suddenly, I was off of Hunter. Warm hands cupped my face, and his sweet voice pulled me out of the darkness.
“Breathe, Arabella. Baby, it’s okay. It’s only me.”
My eyes snapped open to see Hunter in front of me. There was a look of fear on his face as he searched mine.
“Don’t leave me again, Bella. Please. Don’t leave me again.”
One quick look around and I realized Hunter had moved us, placing me on the sofa and kneeling in front of me. Jack was to my left, his paw on my leg.
Of course, Hunter picked up on the fact that I was going down a rabbit hole.
I opened my mouth to say something, but words failed me yet again. I was a bit shocked that my worst nightmare was happening when I was wide awake.
“I love you, Hunter.” I blurted the words out in a desperate attempt to drown out the sound of his voice.
His face softened, but I could still see the fear and worry etched in his brows.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “I’m so tired.”
He stood and swept me into his arms before carrying me back up the steps and to his room.
When he put me down, I quickly took off my jeans while Hunter stood there silently. I crawled into his bed and looked back at him. “Please hold me—and don’t leave.”
He nodded before he climbed into bed and under the covers. His shirt was still off, but he kept his sweatpants on. The only clothing I wore was my bra and panties, but I needed to feel him against me. I needed to feel his warmth.
“Come here,” he said softly as he drew me up against him. “I’m not going anywhere, Bella.”
Jack jumped onto the bed and curled up at my feet, and a sense of peace slowly took over.
I snuggled against Hunter’s body and closed my eyes. Before I drifted off to sleep, I said, “I think I need to talk to someone before I tell you…everything.”
His body tensed, but he never loosened his hold. “Okay,” he whispered before he kissed my head. “Whatever you need to do, Bella. I’m here. I’m here, and I swear to you, I won’t leave if you promise me you won’t.”
Before I drifted off to sleep, I whispered back, “I won’t leave you ever again. I promise.”
Arabella
It had been a week since the night at Hunter’s house when I broke down. He had woken me up the next morning with soft kisses on my face. I’d opened my eyes to find he’d already dressed for work in his uniform. Seeing him like that made my body hot and achy, and I instantly remembered feeling him against me the night before. I had to force myself to ignore how much my body wanted him.
Hunter had told me to stay as long as I wanted, but I’d gotten up and dressed and left when she and Jack headed to work.
On Hunter’s days off that week, he and Kyle had gone to Boston to help Brighton move her things back to Boggy Creek. Then he’d gone up to their family cabin to go ice fishing for a couple of days with Kyle and Bishop. He’d stopped by the night before they left to have dinner. Things felt different between us. The secret I carried was beginning to build a wall between us, and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. I had asked Hunter to be patient, and I knew he was trying his best, but ten years of waiting had been enough. I had put Hunter—and myself—through the wringer, and if I wanted to be able to move on, to have a future with him, I needed to talk to someone. And I knew I finally needed to tell him everything once he got back later this afternoon.
That was how I found myself at the counseling clinic Aiden had opened last year. When I’d called Willa to see if Aiden was home, she’d told me he was there catching up on some things for the clinic. Now I lifted my hand and knocked lightly on the door.
Aiden’s voice came through. “Come on in.”
Turning the handle, I drew in a deep breath and pushed open the door. The moment Aiden saw me, he stood and smiled.
“Arabella, this is a pleasant surprise.”
I returned his smile. “Are you busy?”
“No, not at all. I was just here taking care of some things before I head on back to Willa, Ben, and Ciara.”
“I won’t keep you long. How are Willa and the baby doing?”
A look of pure happiness washed over Aiden’s face. “Amazing. I can’t believe Ciara is almost a month old. It’s already going by too fast.”
I nodded, then looked down at my hands as I fidgeted.
Aiden cleared his throat. “Arabella, you know you can talk to me, right?”
I lifted my eyes and met Aiden’s gaze. I worked my lips in and out against my teeth as he leaned back in his chair and waited patiently.
“I met Hunter for coffee a couple of days after Ciara was born.”
He smiled. “I heard. Sounds like things are going pretty good for you both.”
Smiling, I replied, “It started off a bit rough, but things have been good. He’s been to my house a few times and I’ve been to his a couple of times. It’s been so nice to just be with him and talk to him and have him…have him…just hold me, with no expectations. I’ve missed him.” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. “I’ve missed him so much.”
Aiden nodded and waited for me to continue.
“We’ve kissed a few times, and I’ve tried to be intimate, but I…I can’t.”
Aiden looked at me with zero judgment in his gaze. “Is this related to why you broke up with him?”
Tears built in my eyes as I nodded. “I keep pushing him away when things get a little bit more heated.”
“Do you know why you’re pushing him away?”
My eyes snapped up, and I met his intense, yet soft, gaze. I nodded. “I have these nightmares.”
“I know a lot about those. They can take over your life if you let them.”
“Well, mine have taken over nearly the last ten years of my life. They’re about something that happened to me in college. I used to be able to escape them during the daytime, but they seem to be haunting me even during the day now, ever since Hunter and I have been…”
“Intimate?” he asked.
“Yes. I feel like I drift off to this dark place within me, and I’m trying so hard to push it away. To let light in…but I can’t. And the harder I try, the more it keeps appearing in nightmares. I don’t know what to do, and I’m scared. And I know I need to tell Hunter what happened. I can’t keep expecting him to hold me while I cry and not give him a reason for why I’m crying.”
I abandoned my fight to hold back the tears when Aiden got up, walked around his desk, and sat down next to me. He took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Have you ever spoken about what happened to you?”
I shook my head so fast, Aiden was nothing but a blur for a moment. “Never.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened, Arabella?”
My chin trembled uncontrollably as I nodded. “Yes.”
“Take a deep breath in. That’s it. Now exhale…and start when you’re ready.”
I did as he said. I closed my eyes and went back to that awful moment, almost ten years ago to the day.