I deliberately cleared my throat, turning away from Drake. I needed to stay in the present. The box of files was still sitting on the coffee table, and there was a lot of information to go through.
But I couldn't find the strength to pick up one of the folders. My brain was tired of the relentless circle of unending questions. And the sound of the rain on the windows, the steamy warmth of the room, was taking me back in time. I should fight that feeling, but I didn't want to.
"Willow?"
I slowly turned around.
Drake gave me an uncertain look, his gaze darkening. "Where do you want to start?"
"Where I shouldn't," I said helplessly, memories of a very similar conversation coming back into my head.
He'd asked me if he could kiss me. I'd never expected him to ask. I'd just thought he'd grab me and kiss me, and I'd be in heaven. But he'd given me a choice. And I'd said yes.
It had been a mistake. It had been the wrong time, the wrong place then, and it was the wrong time, the wrong place now. But my breath was coming fast, and my nerves were tingling.
"I should have learned my lesson," I added.
"Me, too," he replied, a husky rasp in his voice.
We stared at each other for a long minute.
"Willow? Tell me what you want."
I looked deep into his beautiful blue eyes. "I shouldn't want anything from you."
"I shouldn't want anything, either, but I do."
There was so much electricity between us, I could hear the sizzle. I'd always been drawn to him like a moth to the flame, knowing he could burn me, but yearning for all that heat.
There were so many reasons why being with him was a bad idea, but I couldn't remember any of them. I didn't want to think anymore. I just wanted to feel. I wanted to be with Drake. I wanted to lose myself in him.
I didn't care if I got hurt again. It would be better than feeling nothing. I'd shut down all my emotions ten years ago, to the point where I often felt dead inside, numb, cold. I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I wanted to burn. I wanted to fly.
"Drake?" I took a step forward.
"Are you sure? Because I'm not."
His words disappointed me, but they only made me want to fight harder for what I needed. "It doesn't have to mean anything. I'm not seventeen anymore. I don't have expectations. You don't have to worry about protecting me."
"You're vulnerable, scared for your sister, for your family."
"And I want to forget about all that. Let's not think about tomorrow or yesterday. Let's just be who we once were. Two people who had absolutely no problems, except a crazy, hot need for each other? We can't let the past go forever, but we can let it go for a little while. Can't we?"
Drake didn't answer. He just pulled me into his arms and pressed his mouth on mine. We kissed with an unrestrained passion fueled by emotion and desire.
They were the same hot, wild kisses I remembered. As we stripped off our clothes, the barriers between us fell away.
This was Drake, the man I'd loved forever, even when I'd hated him, even when he'd hated me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
"So that happened," I murmured, as I snuggled against Drake on the futon in his living room an hour later. "And comparatively speaking…"
He rolled onto his side and gave me a smile. "Are you going to finish that statement?"
"Way better," I said.
"Yeah," he agreed, tucking my hair behind my ear. "But just as unexpected."
"It must be the rain, this apartment, and your incredibly sexy blue eyes—a dangerous combination."
"I think it's you that brings the danger, Willow."
"The shy girl brings the danger?" I teased. "I don't think so."
"You weren't as shy as I thought you were when we started kissing."
"Tonight? Or ten years ago?"
"Both. You have a lot of hidden depths, Willow Kent."
"I never thought I did."
"You never saw yourself the way I saw you."
I thought about his words, then propped myself up on my elbow as I gazed into his eyes. "How did you see me back then?"
"At first, you were just my sister's friend, but when we started running into each other at the paper, I realized you weren't just this quiet, shadowy girl. You were creative and imaginative, and you had determination. You might have hidden behind your camera, but you were bold with your pictures. I became fascinated by you."
I was incredibly touched by his words. "I was fascinated by you, Drake. I couldn't stop looking at you, and when we got to know each other away from Melanie, away from anyone else, I felt like we had a connection. I loved how you wanted to shed light on the problems of the world. You were much more of a deep thinker than I'd first thought and an interesting mix of arrogance, intelligence, and charm. I enjoyed talking to you about things that mattered. All my other conversations with boys seemed so meaningless." I sighed. "And then it wasn't the talking that I wanted, it was the kissing, and everything else. I was glad my first time was with you."
"Until I fucked it up?" he asked.
"Until then," I agreed.
"You scared me, Willow. The way I felt about you took me by surprise. I didn't know how to handle that kind of emotion. I'm sorry I hurt you."
"Me, too. Did you sleep with that girl that you were parading in front of me the night Melanie disappeared?"
"No. After I realized you'd left Ben's house, we went to the bonfire. I was in a bad mood by then. She got bored with me and made out with someone else. I went home, locked myself in my room, pissed off at everyone but mostly myself. And then the next morning, my world was completely ripped apart."
I touched his face, seeing the anguish in his eyes. I felt an immense wave of compassion for him. "That morning, my world ripped apart, too. I thought it was bad the night before, when my biggest concern was why you didn't like me anymore. I had no idea how much worse everything would get. Or that the hurt would last so long." I paused. "I do want to help you, Drake."
"I know. After we find Kelsey."
"Yes." I gave him a regretful smile. "I should probably go home."
"It's still raining."
"Not as hard as it was, and I should check in with my family. I don't want anyone to think I've forgotten about Kelsey."
"Anyone or yourself?" he challenged.
"Both," I admitted. "This was fun, and I'm not sorry we got together. But I do feel a little selfish for taking pleasure when…"
He put his fingers against my mouth. "Don't. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I just feel like every minute should be spent on finding Kelsey."
"There's nothing you could be doing right this second, but I do understand where you're coming from. I'll walk you to your car."
"You don't have to do that," I said, as I slid off the futon and put on my clothes. "You'll get soaked for no reason."
"Then I'll get soaked, but I'm not letting you go to your car alone. In fact, I'm going to follow you home and watch you walk all the way into the house."