"Then let's think about what we want to do. But let's do that in the car because it's starting to rain."
I got to my feet, and we jogged to the car. Once we got inside, I turned to him. "Ben and his dad are not going anywhere. Once Kelsey is found, we can go full force into the past." I caught his gaze and held on. "I promise you that, Drake. I won't leave this island again without doing everything I can to find out what happened to Melanie."
"I'm going to hold you to that, Willow."
"I know you will. And hopefully, I'll remember more." I let out a heavy breath. "I am so angry with myself. If I had never gotten drunk that night…"
"I said the same thing about you a million times. I also said it about myself. I was partying hard that night, too, Willow. I might remember everything I did, but I also remember that I wasn't even thinking about my sister."
"You were more concerned with making sure I knew you didn't like me."
"Yes. That was my primary concern," he admitted.
"And I wanted to show you I didn't care, which was why I went to the party. Why I tried to awkwardly flirt with everyone while I got wasted. I was so stupid."
"I was worse."
"Well, I won't argue with that."
He gave me a dry smile. "I didn't think you would."
As the rain came down harder, my mind returned to the present. "I can't bear to think of Kelsey out in this storm. You must have had a million thoughts like that about Melanie."
"For a long, long time," he said heavily.
"When did you give up, Drake? How long before you couldn't lie to yourself anymore?"
"Years. Even now, I never say she's dead. I just say she's gone." He sucked in a breath and blew it out. "It feels like a betrayal to say the word, like I've given up. I don't want to give up."
"I understand. I can't say the word, either. About Melanie or about Kelsey." I licked my lips, seeing the pain in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Drake. I wish I'd stayed in touch with you, that I'd fought past your anger and my guilt. Maybe we could have helped each other. Maybe we could have gotten justice before now."
"I wasn't ready to let you help me, even if you'd wanted to. I didn't want to see you or talk to you, Willow. You left, and you didn't just leave Melanie, you left me."
"You pushed me away before I left," I argued. "That's on you."
"I know. I didn't say my feelings were right. I'm just saying how I felt." He paused as his phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocket and read the text. "My mom wants me to come by the restaurant and talk about my dad."
"Has something happened?"
"She says it's not an emergency. She just wants to check in."
"That's good."
"I guess. The bar is set low these days."
"Yes, it is. I'll take you back." I started the car and turned it around, then headed to the highway.
"Why don't you come inside with me?" Drake suggested a short time later, as I pulled into the restaurant parking lot. "My mom will want to feed me, and you must be hungry."
I hesitated. It was almost seven now and while there was plenty of food at my house, I wasn't in the mood to cook or reheat or even make a sandwich. I also needed to take a breather from my family. The Crab Pot looked warm and inviting. "I could eat something."
"Good. You don't have an umbrella, do you?"
"Nope."
"Well, it's not too far."
As we got out of the car and dashed through the rain to the restaurant, I was reminded again of that night ten years ago. But we were not going up to the apartment, we were going into the restaurant. I'd eat and then I'd go home. Nothing else was going to happen.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sylvie had a table waiting for us when we arrived. She seemed a little surprised that I was with Drake, but she covered it up with a cheerful smile. She said she would feed us first and then we could have a chat. I wasn't about to argue as the delicious smell of seafood and garlic set my stomach rumbling. We slid into a corner booth, and I had barely put a napkin in my lap when the server delivered a loaf of hot sourdough bread. I immediately reached for it, pulling off a chunk of bread and lathering it with butter.
"Amazing," I murmured with my mouth full.
Drake smiled in agreement. "I can never resist."
"Why would you want to? It's heavenly."
"It is," he agreed as he popped a piece of bread into his mouth.
The server returned with glasses of water and said, "Your mom is making all your favorites, Drake. She wants to know if that's all right."
"What do you think, Willow?" Drake asked.
"Fine with me."
"How about some wine?" the server asked.
"I'll just have the water," I replied. "But go ahead, Drake."
"I'll take a beer, whatever is on tap."
"Coming right up."
As the server left, Drake gave me a thoughtful look. "I'm surprised you don't want a drink. It's been a long day."
"It has, but I don't drink."
"Never?"
"Not since that night ten years ago."
He met my gaze. "Well, I guess I can understand that."
"I never want to be in a position where I've lost control, where I don’t know what I'm doing or who I'm doing it with. I want to remember everything."
"That makes sense."
"Have you ever had a night you couldn't remember?"
"No. That's why it has been difficult to accept varying claims of blackouts and fractured memories. You're not the only one who doesn't remember or can't recall or has forgotten the details… Those answers run throughout the police report. So many vague and unreliable comments, many from our friends, or I should say, your friends."
"They were yours, too, at one point. In fact, they were probably better friends with you than with me. I might have been born into the circle, but you fit in better than I did. You were very popular."
"It was all superficial. That became very clear, very quickly."
"Maybe all teenage relationships are superficial, even in the best of times."
"I suspect you're right." He gave the server an appreciative nod as she set down his beer. Then he turned back to me. "It's good you remembered something today."
"I want to go back to the area tomorrow, see if it triggers another memory. I can't figure out why I would have been on that road. Why was I heading toward that beach? It wasn't where I was supposed to meet Melanie. The waterfalls were in the other direction. Maybe I was just trying to get home and got confused. I could have ended up in the ocean. A lot of terrible things could have happened to me; I was so vulnerable. I don't know how I got luckier than Melanie."
"I don't know, either, but I'm glad you didn't disappear, that you weren't hurt." He paused. "I was angry with you, but I never wished it were you and not Melanie."