“No. That doesn’t sound like her. I know that my parents are checking in on her too. Wes is gone again. He left for Atlanta, day before yesterday. Hayley was supposed to travel with him and work remote. We got her all the permissions necessary then her partner on her first big project had a family emergency. She has to stay behind and give the presentation on her own. I think Hayles wanted to spend all the time she could with Wes, between Hannah and his work. Maybe that’s where she was?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t like it. I told her to come over and stay with us. I laid the guilt on pretty thick because she kept saying no.”
“Wait. Knowing you’re hurt she said no? That is definitely not my sister. She is coming, right?”
“Yeah. She should be here in an hour. You should probably shower and put clothes on.”
“You should probably get in with me.”
“Get me there, Goose, and you have a deal.”
Hayley
I spend the whole ride over to Eli and Dylan’s giving myself a pep talk. You can do this. Dylan needs you. Eli might need your help. This is what sisters do. I’m trying so hard to feel like I can be positive and show someone else the silver lining. I just don’t know if I can.
Even on the elevator ride up, I consider making an excuse not to go. By the time I knock on the door, my best smile is half plastered on. “Hey, sorry I took so long. I wanted to bring a treat. The bakery across town by the office has the best cream cheese coffee cake.”
“You didn’t have to do that. Just you being here is enough. Dylan is all set up on the couch. There’s enough room for you. I’m just about to plate dinner. Want some?”
“No thanks. I ate before I came.” Lies. I’m a lying liar. I’m so tired of being forced to do this and forced to do that. I just, for once, would like to have my life be about my choices, not with what I end up with because of someone else’s decisions. “I’ll have some of this coffee cake later.”
Dylan’s bubbly smile greets me as soon as I round the corner out of the foyer and into the living room. “Did I hear you say the words cream cheese and coffee cake in the same sentence?”
I stop dead in my tracks when I see her. Her leg looks like it has about fifty pounds of bubble wrap on it and is cushioned on about a thousand pillows. “No. Oh. No. Look at you. I mean, Eli told me what happened, and I thought I understood. This is really bad.” I start winding the cuffs of Wes’s Tacoma Thunder jersey into my hands, and at some point, tears start falling from my eyes.
“Hey. Stop. Don’t cry. Oh my gosh. It’s not that bad. I mean, it is, but I’m getting better. Come here.”
I drop everything I have in my hands into a pile to kneel at her side. Dylan pulls me in for a hug. I bury my face in her neck and hold on. She ends up holding on as tight as I do, until I feel a hand on my head. I’d know that touch anywhere. My brother is standing right behind me.
I let go of Dylan and fold in against his chest. I guess I didn’t realize how much I needed him, needed them. The way he’s holding me reminds me instantly of being little. He’s held me the same no matter if I was four, fourteen, or twenty-four. It’s a constant. I need it so much.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I think I’m just overtired. I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve gotten used to not sleeping alone.”
Eli gives me a gentle sway as he speaks, “I get it. You’re here now. I don’t want you to go home tonight. You can sleep with Dylan, and I can take the couch or spare bedroom if I can find the bed.”
“I don’t want to put you out. I’ll stay only if I can take the couch. I don’t need the bedroom. Thank you.”
“You’re always welcome here,” Dylan adds. “I think Eli could use a break too, and shower on his own without having to help me.”
“You know I don’t mind, Viper.”
“I know. I was making a joke.”
Eli sets me on my toes. “Oh shit. Something’s boiling over.”
I watch Dylan watch my brother runs into the kitchen. She smiles and laughs at him while he’s swearing at the pots. Things like that are what I miss most. I pull Eli’s favorite gaming chair closer to Dylan and climb over the back of it, pulling my legs under me.
“What do the doctors say?”
“It’s not a full tear, so that’s good. Physical therapy starts later this week and hopefully in a few more weeks, I can test some basic dancing to see what I do or don’t have.”
“How do you do that? How do you stay so calm when things could be blowing up?” I ask, because I need to know.
“This is a place I’ve gotten to, not where I started. I didn’t talk for almost two days at first. Some of it was the pain, which was fucking awful. The rest of it was a whole lot of feeling sorry for myself and I can’t change it, so I need to change how I look at it. Once I got there, it got a whole lot easier.”
“So you’re giving up?”
“No. Fuck no. I’m accepting what is and finding perspective. I sound old.” She laughs.
“No. You’re just in a good place.” I can’t say more than that. I have this feeling of a boiling pot inside me. If I let the lid go, there would be no stopping it. Kind of like the pot Eli is trying to contain.
While Dylan and Eli eat, we watch one of Dylan’s favorite movies. I know I’ve seen it, so I play along. I’m not really paying attention. I’m listening more to the thoughts in my head and the sick feeling in my body. The loneliness and fear have manifested themselves in very physical ways. I feel it all the time now and it sucks.
To distract myself, I start scrolling the apps on my phone. Social media is a total time suck. Since that’s all I seem to have right now, why not. I look at Facebook first. I don’t know why. I hardly use it. Then I pop to TikTok with one earbud in and listen to all the silly things and people I follow. I used to be able to laugh at some of it, now I use it to pass the time.
After about fifteen minutes, I can’t do it anymore. I think about shutting my phone down but then I accidentally open Instagram. I follow several of my favorite celebs, a few chefs, popular places in some of my favorite cities, and lately, I’ve had a followfest for Wes’s clients. I thought it was a way for me to invest in him and his career if I learned about the people he’s spending so much time with.
“Hayles? Hayley?” I hear my brother’s voice trying to reach me.
“Yeah?”
“Did you want a piece of that cake now?”
“Sure. I’ll nibble on it.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks. “You’ve hardly said two words in the last hour.”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? Shit, what am I now, some liar?”
Eli sits frozen while Dylan slides herself forward. “Hayley, your brother cares about you. That’s all. No one said you were a liar. He’s worried. We both are.”