Having brushed off her mother with a kind of lie that happened to be true, Helena did call Amy.
‘So I’m going round to Mum’s in a minute to borrow her mapbook and then tomorrow, bright and early, I’m going on a road trip.’
‘It sounds fun in a way. I mean, finding your way to a hidden location and reuniting yourself with your lover.’
‘If that’s what it was I’d agree with you. It’s a mission, anyway.’
‘Although it’s Wales, the Wye Valley, so not miles and miles away.’
‘Actually, that’s what I thought but James put it into my head that it might not be easy to find. Hence the physical map, so I can see all the little tiny roads. I’m not going until tomorrow, anyway.’
‘And you’ll be OK on your own?’
‘Of course!’ Helena sounded brighter than she felt.
Gilly put a meringue on Helena’s plate. ‘You can tell I bought these. I just felt I wanted you to eat something.’
‘Did you buy them before or after I called you, Mum?’ asked Helena, recognising her mother’s compulsion to feed her family if she was worried about them.
‘Not the point. Just have a bit of sugar – I know! It’s poison! – a sip of tea, and then tell me everything you think I need to know.’
‘You’ll have guessed it’s about Jago.’ She sighed.
Her mother nodded and broke off a bit of her own meringue with her fork.
‘And my wretched super-recogniser thing comes into it.’
Gilly looked up, anxiety making her frown. ‘Did you see him on a rerun of Crimewatch?’
Helena found herself laughing, not sure if her mother had been deliberately funny or was just being naïve. ‘I wish! No, I found him on Facebook.’
‘And that’s bad?’
‘Yes – when he’s got a completely different name! He’s not who he says he is, Mum. He’s a different person with a different name.’
‘People are allowed to change their names if they want to,’ said Gilly.
‘Yes, and he had good reason, but I feel like he’s lied to me!’ She had been going to give Gilly a carefully edited version of what she’d discovered but found herself wanting to tell her mother everything. ‘His real name is Jonathan Relto and his uncle owned the company that was responsible for all those people nearly dying in that fire. Do you remember? All those firefighters got awards for bravery, rescuing them. Let me show you.’
Soon they were both peering at the screen of Gilly’s computer. ‘It does look bad, I know,’ said Gilly, ‘but my instinct tells me he’s a good man.’
‘You thought he was gay!’
‘I rest my case,’ said Gilly primly and then laughed. ‘I know it must be a horrible shock for you and you’re quite right to try to find out the facts as soon as you can, but I’m putting my money on Jago being one of the good guys.’
‘Oh God, I hope you’re right, Mum!’
Helena didn’t go back to Jago’s house that night. She stayed with her mother and allowed herself to be mothered. Comfort food, wine, a bath, girly telly. It didn’t cure her from doubt and a sense of being enormously let down, but it did cushion her from it a little.
And in the morning, although she should have gone to her own home to pack a case, she preferred to manage with some clothes she’d left at Fairacres for years and things she could borrow from her mother. This included a slightly moth-eaten cashmere cardigan, a long cotton nightie (which she’d borrowed the night before) and a few pairs of her mother’s knickers (which was a bit weird). Gilly had provided a new toothbrush and a small pot of moisturiser along with a new mascara and a stub of a kohl pencil. It was pouring with rain.
‘Well, the saying is, rain before seven, fine before eleven,’ said Gilly as she and Helena looked at the rain-drenched sky.
‘It’s half past seven, Mum, and I do hope to get there before eleven.’
‘I meant it will be nice when you get there.’
Gilly sounded feeble, and Helena knew she was struggling to be optimistic.
‘It’ll be fine,’ said Helena and made a dash for the car.
Her raincoat held over her head, Gilly followed her, apparently trying to disguise her reluctance to let her daughter drive off into the storm to an unknown destination. Helena knew exactly how she felt.
‘I’ll be OK, Mum,’ she said, when she was sitting in her car, Google Maps on her phone, the map open on the seat beside her and a list of places to aim for on the dashboard. She also had a packet of sandwiches and a tin of shortbread.
‘I know you will,’ said Gilly, sounding very confident but not fooling her daughter. ‘And I know it might be difficult to keep in touch, but if you can, do. You’ve got your phone charger?’
‘Yes. It’s plugged in right now. Google Maps eats battery.’
‘Off you go then!’ Gilly stepped back from the car and started to wave.
The weather was completely in tune with Helena’s mood. It was dreary, persistently grey and visibility was affected. She didn’t really know what she was going to find when she reached Jago – if indeed she did reach him. Would he be pleased to see her? Probably not or he’d have asked her to go with him. Still, she had to find out his side of the story. If he was as bad as the internet made him out to be she had a fallback position – she would go to the little cottage she and Amy always rented for World of Wool and hope it was available. It was midweek and in a less touristy part of Wales, so she was in with a chance. Then she’d have to start putting her life back together.
She switched on the radio for any traffic news and for cheering music and discovered that the Severn Bridge was closed. This didn’t make it impossible to get where she was aiming, but it did make it more complicated. She pulled in and had a good look at the mapbook and Google Maps. The bridge being closed would make her journey a bit longer. Then she sat off again.
The weather got worse as Helena drove, and while she was on the motorway the sound of the rain on the roof was deafening, relieved only by the brief spells spent driving under bridges. She slowed right down, wishing her fellow drivers would do the same.
Following the directions on her phone she turned off the motorway and started climbing into the Welsh hills. The rain seemed to come down harder and in places the road turned into shallow streams. Still her road led her upwards – which surely was a good thing?
Her phone lost signal at the same time as Helena came across a ‘Road Closed’ sign. As water was pouring down the road in question this didn’t seem unreasonable. She pulled into the side and got out the map again. She set off when she had found herself an alternative route, hoping her phone would pick up another signal.
When she had a second to glance at the scenery, she saw that it was very beautiful but the road was getting narrow, steep and winding. Cow parsley lined both sides and the verges seemed full of wild flowers. At another time she would have either stopped and walked a little to identify the flowers or driven slowly and just admired the beauty but today she was on a mission. Her optimism with regard to the success of that mission was waning, being washed away by the rain.
She thought she was nearly at her destination when she came across another sign. This one said ‘Road Ahead Closed’. It did not specify how far ahead and this was important because nearly at the end of the road there was a little turn-off which was the one she wanted. There was no water running down this road – or at least not an unreasonable amount. Should she risk having to turn back? Or search for another way now?