“The coaches have faith in me. They keep me going with their belief in me, but believing in myself isn’t so easy. Not with all the self-doubt I feel on the daily,” I admit. “Geez, I’ve made you into my shrink.”
Poppy rolls her eyes and smacks my shoulder. “You haven’t made me into anything. You’re my. . .”
I watch her and frown because her lips turn upside down. “You’re my girlfriend,” I say. “At least if you want to be.”
“I was going to say friend but that didn’t quite cut it. Girlfriend though. . .it seems so high school. Maybe I can be your lover or mistress. . .” she jokes.
“Very funny,” I chuckle.
“I’d love to be your girlfriend, Declan McAvoy.” She leans over the console and kisses me.
She always has a way of making me feel better. I hope I can repay all that she’s done for me one day.
Logan and my mom appear. Logan has a duffle bag on each shoulder. He looks good, strong.
I get out of the car and so does Poppy. I walk over to my brother and take one of the bags off his hands.
“Hey.” I give him a half hug and then hug my mother.
“This is Poppy,” I say to them.
“Nice to meet you, Poppy,” Mom says and she looks over at me giving me a look I don’t understand. Mom is wearing a miniskirt and a tight shirt. Her leggings look like a net and her jacket is short and cropped. She had me at seventeen and Logan at twenty-one. She is young for a mom and definitely doesn’t look her age. I really hope my friends don’t hit on her.
“How was the bus ride?” I ask Logan.
“Long,” he huffs. “But glad to be here. I can’t wait to see the campus and . . .” He looks at Poppy. “Thanks for doing this for me.”
“It’s nothing,” Poppy says. “It is a really beautiful campus.”
“I bet,” Logan says.
We head into the car and Poppy offers Mom the front seat but she says she’d rather sit in the back.
“Nice ride,” Mom comments.
“Not my car. Borrowed it from a friend,” I explain.
“One of them rich NHL hockey player friends, I bet,” she laughs and it sounds thick and scratchy and then she breaks into a cough. “Guess I can’t light a cigarette in here.”
I watch her in the rearview mirror. “Definitely not. Cole has a baby daughter who rides in this car. Hence, the car seat. He would not appreciate that but the motel isn’t far off.”
We arrive to the motel and I check in for them. I work most summers as a camp counsellor at a private camp in Detroit. This past summer Logan worked there too. The money is pretty good and covers me for extra food during the year, and Logan’s hockey expenses even though I have a modest food plan with tuition.
Logan and Mom drop off their bags. And Mom takes a minute to walk off and have her cigarette.
Poppy is waiting in the car as I stand outside with my brother.
“How are things really going?” I ask him.
“You know how she is,” he says with a sardonic grin. My brother is now my height but I must have at least thirty pounds of muscle on him. That will come with time and age. We share my father’s gray eyes and my mother’s chocolate brown hair. “She’s got Coach sleeping over. How bad is that?”
“Dammit. I hope she doesn’t fuck things up,” I swear, kicking the ground.
He shakes his head. “Coach spoke to me about it. He isn’t a bad guy. His wife walked out on him and he was feeling lonely. He said Mom makes him happy and if it doesn’t work out, I don’t need to worry.”
“That sounds promising.” I nod with my hands tucked into my jean pockets. I’m wearing a hoodie and a light jacket but the day is freaking cold.
“I hope so, bro. This year is so important and you know what happened with the hospital,” Logan whispers.
“Let’s not bring that up around here,” I say. “I can take you around campus and introduce you to the coaches.”
“Really? I thought we weren’t letting on that we’re brothers,” Logan asks and his dark brows rise.
“That was probably stupid planning on my part. I’m always scared of ruining things for you. I always thought that if I screw up somehow, you’d have a better chance not having anything to do with me,” I admit.
“I didn’t know that was your reasoning.” Logan’s lips curve down. “Why would you think that after getting this far?”
“I’m screwed up. Obviously,” I chuckle. “Poppy, she’s getting me to see things a little different though. Her brother is one of my teammates. . .”
“Shit, bro. Is that a good idea?” Logan asks with eyes round as saucers.
“Not the point,” I say, lifting my index finger at him. “Focus.”
He nods and pins his lips together.
“What I was saying is she grew up around hockey. She made me realize how paranoid I was being. We don’t need to act like we aren’t brothers. We just need to bring our best game,” I say, clapping Logan on the back.
“That’s what I’m trying to do, but this year has been a doozy on my asthma. Of all years to have a bad year.” Logan shakes his head.
“We’re going to get that taken care of,” I assure him, feeling my chest expanding in a weird way. It’s Poppy and what’s she done for Logan. I seriously want to cry but I don’t because I’ve always taught my brother we need to be tough. Hockey is not a sport for the weak.
“Thanks for this, Declan. I know it probably wasn’t easy to accept the handout, but it is really a big deal for me,” Logan says.
“Wish I would’ve thought of it sooner. Poppy, she’s. . .resourceful,” I say.
“I can see she’s special. You really like her, huh?” Logan asks.
“I do,” I admit.
“I’m glad for you. You always look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. You seem lighter, maybe even happy?” Logan asks.
“Don’t go pushing it,” I chide playfully.
Mom walks over. “I’m starved.”
“Me too.” Logan grins.
We all head over to the diner along the highway for lunch. I figure it’s better to get a bite there and keep Mom away from my friends for as long as possible. After lunch I drop Poppy off at a random spot on campus, so we can still hide the fact we were together, then I drive over to Holland’s. She has Mary, her old nanny, over taking care of CC. We don’t head inside though. Holland comes out. I pass her the keys and we head over to Veronica’s office so Logan can get assessed. This is really happening and I have Poppy to thank for everything.
Holland and Mom stay behind in the waiting room together while I head inside with Logan. He asked me to be by his side for the tests and Dr. Steele approved. This is how it’s always been with Logan and me. He’s my baby brother and I’ve always kept him close. Leaving him to come to Westfall was hard. It was hard on him too. I know he’s lonely back home with Mom because she isn’t home a lot, but I taught Logan to make basic meals. He has hockey and the guys from his team so he gets by, but I would love to see him leave Detroit and land on a good team.