“That’s fine, Christopher. No need to apologize. We are happy you could make it,” she says to him.
“Thank you,” he smiles.
Wolfe pulls up a chair for him. Beside him and Rebel. I hear Wolfe explain to his dad that everyone is saying what they are grateful for.
When I spoke to Wolfe last week, he said his mom was still in the hospital trying to get well, but that she was doing much better.
“If it’s okay I’d like to go next,” Wolfe’s dad says.
“Please.” Cole nods.
“I’m grateful for Wolfe and I’m very proud of my son. He also has a lovely partner in Rebel and I’m grateful for that. I’d also like to thank Granny Mae for this lovely spread today and including me in your holiday,” he says, and then he sits and gives Wolfe’s hand a squeeze.
Over the years I always made up scenarios in my head about my dad coming back to us. He always had a really good reason for being away and he was always the picture-perfect dad after he came back, only that was just my fantasy.
We move on to Blossom, Paris, then Granny Mae. When I’m the last person who hasn’t gone, all eyes are on me around the table.
I take a deep breath and stand. “I want to say that I’m sorry for being such an ass. . . ” I clear my throat and look at Granny Mae and wince. “I mean, hard to handle. I was a jerk for a long time now and I know I was a shitty housemate. I didn’t clean up and I didn’t cook, and you guys just let me be me and I’m grateful to you. I think it’s time I tell you why I was such an asshole. Why I chose to drown myself in hookups and booze. . .” I look around the table but mostly at Cole and Wolfe and swallow hard. “You see, I grew up dirt poor in a really bad neighborhood in Detroit. My father took off when I was about seven years old. My mother was always kind of checked out and I had a little brother with bad asthma and no health insurance. I know I let you guys believe that I came from some middle-class family with good parents. I’m sorry for misleading you. You have always been good friends to me and I took that for granted. I was worried about not being accepted and I took it too far. Not having any role models growing up probably played a role in that. I came to hockey by mistake. I mostly taught myself the skills until I was good enough. The story of how I made it into Westfall is probably for another day. I’m telling you all this today though because I’m grateful to you. I hope you aren’t going to hate me for lying to you all this time and spending too much time living inside my own head. Last year, my brother’s asthma really started to act up again. He was doing good for a number of years and then bam. He wasn’t doing so well and he plays hockey for the same Tier 1 team I played for, and I basically spent all my time worrying about how he was going to play. How we were going to get him treatment? He needs to get recruited to a Division 1 team so he can leave our old life behind, just like I did. I began to worry that the coaches were catching on to him being too sick to play and I just let myself get out of hand. I’m sorry for that. Recently I got some help from a friend and we were able to get Logan the medication he needs to keep his asthma stable. He’s been doing really good. I’ve felt like I’ve been fighting a long time to stay afloat and lately life has been easier. I feel like I can breathe,” I explain. I don’t want to rat out Holland in front of Cole, which is why I don’t mention her. “Anyway, I’m just really thankful to you. That you invited me here today for this really nice meal.” I sit down and bow my head.
Cole is the first to walk over to me. He gives me a bro hug. “You should’ve said something sooner. We wouldn’t have judged you, but we can talk more later.”
“Yeah,” I agree. He pats my shoulder and walks over to his seat again.
“Same with me, McAvoy,” Wolfe says.
We begin the meal and everyone focuses on the delicious food. After the meal, Granny Mae literally brings out ten different pies. Each one is so damn good. Everyone helps with cleanup and then we all branch off to different corners of the house. The ladies take the couch with CC and Lola.
Cole asks me to come with him to the backyard. It’s cold outside but the dude has a huge outdoor heater set up, along with some really nice lounge chairs. He bought the house from the previous owner and fixed it up. Wolfe follows us outside.
“I feel really bad, McAvoy,” Wolfe begins.
“You feel bad?” I snicker.
“Yeah, man. You said we’re good friends but you were worried about being accepted,” he explains.
“It’s on me, Wolfe. Not you and Cole. I feared the judgment. You guys knew I didn’t have much money and that I was here on scholarship but you didn’t know how dirt poor I was and that level of being poor, it comes with shame,” I swallow hard. “I feel really bad about being a liar.”
“Everyone on the team is on hockey scholarships,” Cole says. “And I get it. This place can be pretty uptight. I’m sorry we made you feel like you couldn’t rely on us.”
“Please, don’t apologize. I was the fuckup,” I say.
“Look, Rebel grew up poor too. It’s not something me or Cole could truly understand but I’ve spoken with Rebel about it a lot, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about this. It’s not easy and on top of it, people can be judgmental pricks,” Wolfe says.
“Why tell us now, though?” Cole asks.
Damn, I was hoping that wouldn’t come up.
“Yeah.” Wolfe nods. “I mean you’ve been hush-hush about your past this long and soon you’re going to be drafting and you’ll have all the money you need.”
“Logan, my little brother, well he’s not so little. He’s a high school senior. He had a bad asthma attack that landed him in the hospital. He got on meds but then we couldn’t afford to get him more meds. . .” I’m not sure what to say right about now. “So I had to find a solution,” I say and Holland comes out the back door.
“You all okay?” she asks, but she’s looking at me with concern in her eyes.
Cole wraps a hand around her. “We’re good.”
“Cole, I know this isn’t the right time to say anything. . .” Holland begins and my stomach sinks.
“Maybe I should tell you guys why I had a change of heart first,” I interrupt. And Cole looks between Holland and me strangely.
“Okay,” Cole says.
“First you need to promise that what I’m about to tell you is going to stay here with only the three of us. I mean, no one can know,” I repeat for clarity.
They all nod.
“I met a girl and uh. . .I like her,” I say.
“Nice,” Wolfe says and gives me a fist bump.
“What’s the problem?” Cole asks.
“The problem is she’s Ryse’s little sister,” I confess, and I watch as Cole’s mouth falls open and Wolfe’s eyes bug out of his head. “I didn’t mean to fall for her. I didn’t know she was Ryse’s sister until I already had feelings and didn’t want to walk away.”
“So you’ve been seeing his sister behind his back?” Cole asks, and I hear his disapproving tone.
“What am I supposed to do? I didn’t plan on liking Poppy so much,” I explain.