I feel like my insides are twisted in a knot. How can I not see Poppy for so long? How can I explain to her that I have to do this to secure my future? The fact that we just slept together and now I have to dump her makes me feel sick. I love her, but I need to put those feelings on hold and hope she won’t hate me.
“McAvoy?” Coach arches a brow.
“Sorry. Yes, I’m in.”
THIRTY-ONE
Poppy
There’s a knock on my dorm room door. I have my laptop on my lap and I’m working on a paper. The knock comes again.
“It’s probably not for me,” I say to Bonnie.
“You’re just a Debbie Downer, aren’t you? What has you feeling so sour?” she asks.
Her choice of words makes me want to gag. “Things ended with Declan,” I tell her. Just so she knows she has nothing to hold over my head anymore.
“Aw! That’s too bad, but you had to know things don’t ever last with those kinds of jocks,” she says.
I truly believed that Declan was different but he hasn’t made contact. I have gotten numerous texts from my brother asking if I’m okay, which I haven’t responded to because I’m super angry at him for bringing attention to me and Declan at the engagement party. I’m also super angry at him for not realizing I’m an adult and capable of making my own decisions.
Knock. Knock.
Bonnie rolls her eyes. “Whoever it is, is stubborn.” She walks over to the door and opens it.
“Surprise,” Holland cheers and she has Blossom, Paris, and Cait with her.
I want to bury myself under blankets but it’s too late. Holland has been texting me all week but I feel so embarrassed about causing a scene at Rebel’s engagement, I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m so sorry about what happened. I hope you told Rebel that I feel terrible about the scene I caused,” I say. Bonnie watches me carefully but she must know what happened too. One of the guys from the team brought a bunny as his date to the party and she recorded the whole thing and made a TikTok out of it. So basically all of Westfall knows of my embarrassing moment.
“Rebel was honestly just worried about you. She and Wolfe are super happy. Nothing is going to bring her down right now, so you need to stop worrying yourself. We’re here to see how you are. It’s been a full week and none of us heard from you,” Holland says.
“How did you find out where I live?” I ask because she may know which building I was in but not my room number.
“I called an Uber for you on girls night, remember?” Her lips turn down.
“Right.” I nod, remembering the first night I hung out with these girls. It wasn’t that long ago but they’ve become such good friends. “I’m fine.” I plaster on a fake smile.
I’m really not fine though. I haven’t shampooed my hair in a week and I’ve been wearing the same pajamas to bed. They stink.
Holland frowns and Blossom steps forward. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You shouldn’t have to hide out in here.”
I look over at Bonnie, hating that she’s witnessing my pain. She may not have given away my secret but she was still mean.
“You’re coming over to my house. Bring an overnight bag. You’ll stay in one of the empty rooms. Cole is out of town, it’s just me and CC,” she says.
It does sound nice to be able to get away from this place. When I walk down the halls people are blatantly staring at me. I’m the girl who Declan used and clearly dumped.
I do as Holland says. I take an empty backpack and shove some clothes inside. I also pack up my laptop and textbooks. I throw on my jacket, realizing that I’m leaving in my pajamas. Thankfully the girls don’t mention my state.
I say bye to Bonnie and head out with my friends. We walk down the path to Holland’s car and we all get in.
“Thanks for getting me away from there,” I say to Holland. She knows all about Bonnie’s attempted blackmail.
“Just stay with me. Christmas is only a couple of weeks away. CC and I are on our own until then anyway and I have the space. You won’t have to face being on campus all the time,” Holland says.
“Thanks for the offer. I’ll think about it. I’m heading home for Christmas, although I don’t know what kind of holiday it will be. I’ve never not spoken to my brother before,” I say.
“Give him time,” Blossom says. “He felt like he needed to protect you but he clearly went overboard.”
I huff, “You think? Like why didn’t he wait to pummel Declan? Why did it have to be in the middle of the party? He was totally not thinking how this would affect me if it got out. My editor at the paper spoke to me and he pulled me off the story because it was unprofessional for me to be writing the Spotlight when I was…” I make a little air quote sign with my fingers. “In bed with the subject.”
“That’s so unfair,” Cait says.
“Tell me about it. At least he didn’t kick me off the paper completely.”
“That’s it. Look at the glass half full,” Blossom says.
“If I’m not writing the story on Declan, someone has to. I can’t imagine who Elijah could find at this point. And let’s not discuss how uncooperative Declan is, I mean I barely got a story out of him,” I say, realizing I’m on a rant.
“Oh, girl,” Cait says like she feels sorry for me.
“Things have a way of working out,” Holland responds. I get it, they are being supportive friends and I truly appreciate them, but me losing the story was the worst thing that could happen to my spot at The Gazette. And the fact that they know Declan and I were together will hang over me like a storm cloud, ruining my chances of ever getting the editor position.
The rest of the ride back to Holland’s is quiet. We all head inside the house and just hang out on the couch.
“Have you talked to Declan?” Holland asks and my stomach twists.
“He hasn’t even sent me a text,” I pout. I have to admit I didn’t peg Declan as the type to leave me like this.
“Shit,” Paris says.
Holland shakes her head. “I spoke to Cole. He went by the arena the morning after the party. Apparently, a fight broke out during practice that morning. Ryse really ripped into Declan. The team is really pissed with Declan for creating a rift this deep into the season,” Holland explains, causing my stomach to dip. “The coach made Declan promise not to contact you ‘til the end of the season.” Her lips turn down.
“When is that?” I ask, but I’m pretty sure I know the answer.
“The regionals start last week of March and the Frozen Four is first week of April if they make it, and the Dragons are always gunning for it,” she says.
“Don’t I know it,” I say. Damn. I can’t believe they’re making Declan stay away from me. That’s so unfair. This is all my brother’s fault for being so close-minded. A part of me is hurt also that Declan is willing to walk away from me just like that, even though I know it’s his future on the line. I knew when I gave him my V card my heart was all in, but I thought he was all in too. I figured we would come clean to Ryse together and he would get past his ego and be happy for us. Declan walking away from me stings so bad. I’m angry and sad, but I get it. Declan was worried from the start that this would happen and I convinced him everything would be okay. This isn’t only on him, it’s on me too. And I can’t expect him to throw his future away, no matter how shitty I’m feeling.