Mom tried to get Ryse to ease up but he’s being a doorknob. I mean, she didn’t tell Ryse I was in love with Declan because she said she felt like it needed to come from me, but still. Now I’m sitting on another flight with my brother, not saying a word, and I feel my brother’s gaze burning a hole in my face.
“For crying out loud,” I mutter and turn to Ryse. “Stop looking at me.”
“We’ve never fought for this long. I can’t even believe Mom was okay with you not talking to me for Christmas and New Year’s,” he says, looking a little wild eyed.
“She understands both our point of views,” I deflate and lean into my chair. “I’m sorry that I fell for your friend. I didn’t set out to fall for him. We actually met by accident at first, and I didn’t really know who he was then I was assigned to write the Spotlight. Declan also didn’t set out to hurt you. It’s just been. . .” I stare at the seat in front of me, trying to figure out a way I can say this to my brother in a way he’ll understand. Ryse has never been in love. He had a couple girlfriends in high school but ever since he got to Westfall, I’m guessing he’s been on the puck bunny express.
“Been what?” he asks softly.
“I fell in love with him, Ryse. Okay,” I say angrily. “I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did and I’m not sorry. Or maybe I am. I don’t know. Declan hasn’t reached out to me since the night of Rebel and Wolfe’s engagement.”
My brother frowns. “You love him?” It’s like he’s tasting the words and trying to figure out of he likes them.
“Yeah,” I sigh.
“Does he feel the same way?” Ryse asks.
“I don’t know. It’s not like we were throwing the word around, but I know he really liked me. We had a special connection and. . .”
“And I screwed it up,” Ryse says.
“I mean you embarrassed the hell out of me the night of the engagement, but I know you didn’t do it on purpose. I know you feel betrayed, but that wasn’t what Declan and I set out to do,” I explain, feeling like I took an arrow to the chest. I can’t blame Ryse for Declan not fighting for us, that’s on him, even if I do understand that his career is on the line.
“I may have had something to do with that,” he mumbles, rubbing his chin.
“I know,” I say. “Cole told Holland who told me that you went to Coach. I know all the guys are giving Declan a really hard time,” I huff. “Do you know that Declan grew up poor?”
Ryse shakes his head.
“I mean dirt poor. His dad left him when he was young. He had a sick brother to take care of and he sure as hell doesn’t have a mother like ours. His mother didn’t work. She didn’t make enough money. They had no health insurance to help his brother. Declan taught himself to play hockey. He couldn’t afford to play on a Tier 1 team. He taught himself and his brother everything he knows just by watching other players on teams. He comes from a shitty neighborhood in Detroit, and he’s been working his ass off for a better life for him and his family. Especially his brother, who needs constant medical attention,” I say angrily. I shouldn’t be divulging this information to Ryse but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Ryse will keep this secret if I ask him, no matter what.
“Shit, Poppy, I had no idea,” he says, looking kind of ill or maybe guilty?
“Nobody knows. Especially the part about his brother. You have to keep your lips sealed about that because his brother is trying out for Division 1 teams this year and they can’t find out about his medical condition,” I explain, feeling like shit for telling my brother a secret that isn’t mine to tell. I’m just so mad at Ryse for not seeing the bigger picture here.
“I would never,” he mumbles. “I feel like an asshole. I was just trying to protect you,” he says, pinching his lips together.
“I know and I love you, but I’m all grown up and I know what I’m doing,” I say, even though half that statement may be a lie. I fell in love with Declan without thinking it through and it’s left me with a shattered heart. Not that one can really control their feelings, but I should’ve found a way. “You always feel like you need to be a father to me and you don’t. I need you to be my brother. My equal,” I explain.
“Just with Dad gone, Mom always said I was the man in the house and I had to protect you and her,” he says.
My lips turn down. “We don’t need protecting. We need your love and support but Mom and I are good.”
“I know that on some level but you need to understand. There’s bro code when it comes to a teammate’s sister. As in, you don’t go there,” Ryse says.
“I get that. Declan didn’t set out to hurt you. He respects you and you guys are a team on the ice. We were pushed together because of the Spotlight and the feelings just happened,” I say.
“I can’t believe he told you all that stuff about his family. We’ve been such good friends for years and he never mentioned anything,” Ryse says looking wounded.
“He was scared of judgment.”
“I’m the last person to judge,” my brother huffs.
“I know that, but Westfall is a private university for rich people. Declan worried what people would think and he isn’t wrong. Some people there are serious snobs.”
“You aren’t wrong and I feel really bad about that video going viral,” Ryse says. “I wasn’t thinking. I had quite a bit to drink and when I saw you and Declan, my vision went red.”
“Oh! I know.” I roll my eyes.
“I’m really sorry, Poppy, and now I feel really bad about Declan. I don’t want to jeopardize his chances of drafting,” he says.
I take my brother’s hand. “I know you don’t. You’re a good brother, Ryse. Always have been. You’re a good person.”
“Thanks, sis,” he grins, but there’s sadness hanging in his gaze. I reach over and give him a hug.
“Can you stop being so douchey though?” I ask.
“We’re not going there,” he laughs.
“What about Paris? She’s super pretty and you guys are good friends, you can leave the puck bunny express behind.”
“Paris is a good friend,” he says. “And WTF? Puck bunny express? That’s a good one,” he chortles.
“It wasn’t meant to be funny,” I pout. “I worry about you. That many girls isn’t healthy. Don’t even get me started on the potential for STDs.”
“Poppy, stop. That’s enough. We aren’t talking about my life.”
“Fine.” I cross my arms over my chest and watch him. He laughs, shaking his head, and I hear him mumble puck bunny express.
By the time we get back to school, Ryse and I are back on track. I hope he’ll reach out to Declan and smooth things over between them because I really just want the best for both of them. Ryse will be eligible to draft next year and I just really want him to make it. I also want Declan to have the best chance possible this year. Even if we aren’t together, I still want him to achieve his dreams.
THIRTY-FOUR