I’d never met this Bash guy, so I didn’t have an opinion one way or another.
“Plus, who’d want to leave Chicago, am I right?” Sean grinned at the rest of the table, who nodded along with him. “You understand; you grew up here. Whereabouts did you say?”
I hadn’t. Several people had asked me where I was from tonight, and “Chicago” seemed like a good enough answer for them. It wasn’t that I gave a shit one way or another if these people knew where I was from. But as I stared at Ryan, who was surrounded by everyone in their fancy evening wear, I realized just how out of place I was. I didn’t belong here. What the hell did I think I was doing, trying so hard to fit in?
So finally, I spoke up.
“South Side.”
“No shit.”
Ryan looked up, and when he noticed everyone at the table staring at me and Sean, he began to make his way back over.
But I didn’t need anyone to come to my rescue, especially not about this.
“Yep. Born and raised.”
Sean whistled and clapped me on the back. “Born and survived, more like it. Man, your side of town sure kept me busy this last decade. How’d you get out?”
Get out? Wow. I’d spent my entire life being looked down on for where I came from, which was why I made it a hard and fast rule to never stray too far. Tonight, I’d broken that rule, and this was the consequence.
As the blood began to ring my ears and everyone’s attention seemed to zero in on me—the odd man out—I tightened my fingers around my tumbler and downed the remaining contents.
“I didn’t get out. I was forced out by rich assholes buying up every part of the city and claiming it as their own. So I guess in your opinion I was just fucking lucky, huh.”
The table fell silent just as Ryan reached it, and as much as I wanted to play nice for him, I couldn’t do it anymore. This was not me.
I got to my feet, ready to make my exit, but that was when the lights dimmed and a video of Future’s Hope—A New Beginning began to play on a large projection screen.
A tragic scene of a young girl on the streets appeared. She begged for money while protecting what little she had. It then merged into black-and-white stills of the rooms at Future’s Hope. Rooms that I’d slept in, cried in, and at times hidden in played out for everyone to take pity on, and I cursed under my breath as I tossed my napkin on the table.
I looked at Ryan, and when more pity was aimed my way, I did what I should’ve done the second we pulled up at this place tonight—I got the hell out of there.
Chapter 33
Ryan
SHIT. THIS WAS not good. In fact, it was very, very bad. I watched Jameson walk out of the ballroom with what I believed was every intention of not coming back.
I’d known tonight’s event was about as far out of Jameson’s comfort zone as he could be. But as I watched his broad shoulders disappear from view, I realized I’d pushed too hard.
Of course Jameson had said yes when Alexander put him on the spot at the station. He’d felt responsible for our being caught making out on the job and done what he felt was right in that situation. But from the minute he’d found out tonight was more than just a small dinner at a nice restaurant, I’d noticed the change in him.
It was subtle at first, the tension that crept back in. The closer we got to tonight, the quieter and more withdrawn he’d become. I’d told myself over and over that I gave him plenty of outs during the week. But if I were being honest, I’d known Jameson was too proud to back out—and I’d selfishly ignored it.
The discomfort I’d seen in him just now made my stomach churn. When Sean had inadvertently drawn a spotlight to the very thing Jameson was most sensitive about, I realized how thoughtless I’d been.
I hurried around the table, about to go after him, and as I brushed by Alexander, Sean took my arm, drawing me to a halt.
“Hey. I didn’t mean to offend your guy just now.”
I put a hand over Sean’s and offered a pretty weak smile. “I know. I think it just hit a nerve, that’s all.”
I looked to Alexander whose expression was full of concern.
“Thank you for inviting us. The dinner was lovely and the cause amazing. I think we’re going to be heading home now, though.”
“Of course.” Alexander squeezed my arm and nodded. “I hope Jameson’s okay, and if you need anything, call me.”
I nodded then hurried out of the ballroom. As I took the elevator downstairs, I prayed I wasn’t too late, that Jameson was still here. But when I stepped out into the lobby, there was no sign of him.
Snow was falling now, soft and soundlessly glistening under the lights, as I rushed over to the revolving doors. When I emerged on the other side, I saw him.
Jameson was down by the curb, facing the road. He had a light dusting of snow on his dark hair and jacket. When I stopped beside him, he shoved his hands in his pockets.
The message was loud and clear, even in its silence. The idea that I’d inadvertently pushed him away devastated me.
“If you’ve come out here to try to get me to come back inside, you might as well save your breath.”
I studied his profile as he stared out into the street, and noticed the tic in his jaw. He was practically vibrating with emotion, and I knew the only way for us to have a chance of getting past this was to talk about it—now.
“I’m not here to ask you to come back. I’m here to apologize.”
Jameson angled his chin up, and the proud, silent stance made my heart ache.
“I shouldn’t have made you come tonight. I knew you were uncomfortable, but I thought once you got around everyone—”
“That I’d be so impressed by all the glitz and glam that I’d want to be a part of it? Yeah, I was a part of it, all right. The part that everyone in there was pitying and getting all teary-eyed over. Did you know I used to stay at Future’s Hope? Did Alexander tell you that?”
“What? No.” I’d had no idea, and there was no way Alexander did, or he wouldn’t have put Jameson through this tonight.
“Yeah, so all that pity, it wasn’t wasted. It was aimed in the exact right direction.”
“No one in there was pitying you.”
“Really?” Jameson scoffed. “Then you were sitting on the wrong side of the table, GQ, because that’s all I saw. Even Sean was feeling sorry for me by the end of it.”
“Sean didn’t mean anything by what he said.” I worried my lower lip, trying to think of a way to put this that would make any kind of sense. “It’s just…he’s known to put his foot in his mouth more often than not.”
“And that’s what you think he did in there? Put his foot in his mouth? I don’t think so. He meant exactly what he said. My side of town has kept him busy, and guess what? That includes dealers and users like my family. Want to come home and meet them?”
Jameson turned away from me as though he were about to walk off, and I quickly took hold of his arm. When he glanced down at my hand, I was reminded of the first time we’d met. I’d taken a chance then, and I did the same here, knowing I needed to somehow break through this massive wall that had just appeared between us.