“You’re right. What he said was insensitive and completely uncalled for, and you have every right to be mad about it.”
Jameson’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not mad about what he said. It’s the fucking truth. I’m mad at myself.”
I frowned. “Why? You didn’t do anything.”
“Didn’t I? I came here tonight pretending to be someone I’m not. Then was caught with my fucking pants down when someone reminded me of who I really am.”
“And who’s that?”
“Not this person,” Jameson shouted, gesturing to the tuxedo. “This isn’t me. I don’t belong up there with you, sipping on fancy wine and eating a meal that has enough courses to feed three families. I feel like a fucking traitor.”
I could feel the agitation and disappointment rolling off him in waves.
“Everyone in that room was looking at me and wondering what the hell I was doing there. But we both know, don’t we? I was there to pass inspection. I was there to make sure everyone approved. Well, I hate to break it to you, GQ, but I think I might’ve failed.”
“Jameson,” I said, my heart aching. “I don’t care what anyone up there says. I don’t care if they approve or not. I’m here with you because I want to be.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m not sure if that makes you naïve or insane.”
“It doesn’t make me either of those things. It makes me happy. You make me happy. And the only one judging you right now is yourself.”
Jameson cursed and mumbled something as he ran an agitated hand through his hair.
“You don’t understand,” he said so quietly I almost missed it. “You’ll never understand how it feels… Those people up there in that ballroom watching that marketing piece of the homeless girl. You know, the one at the end with the shopping cart full of cans? The one they’d usually take a wide berth around? Yeah, she’s suddenly someone they want to help if it’s in the form of a big, fat check that they can write off at tax time. But that homeless girl, she came from somewhere. She has a family somewhere, and using her as some sort of call to action…” He pulled at his tie and tugged it free. “It’s fucking wrong.”
I swallowed and looked down at my feet, wondering how I’d made such a mess of this. As I struggled to work out what to say, a car pulled up to the curb, and I realized I was too late.
“I’m outta here,” Jameson said as he shoved the tie in his pocket and flicked open several buttons of his shirt. As he began to walk to the vehicle, I felt my panic begin to rise.
“Wait.” Jameson turned back to face me, and I ran over to him. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then why don’t you let me get the car and we can go together?”
“I don’t think so.”
I stared at his unsmiling mouth and twisted my hands together, knowing this next move was a risky one. Then I threw all caution to the wind and took his hands in mine.
“Don’t leave like this. I know it was wrong to push you into coming here tonight. It was stupid and selfish, and I should’ve realized long before now how you would’ve felt up there. But please, don’t leave.”
My heart thumped as we stood there in the falling snow, my mind wandering back to the old corner store, and the kiss that we shared…
What a difference a week could make.
“I have to. This isn’t me, GQ. I don’t belong here.” He went to turn away, but before he could, I grabbed his lapels, holding him in place.
“Then show me where you do belong. I’ve been begging you to show me for weeks now.”
His eyes roved over my face, his indecision clear.
“Show me who you are, Jameson. I want to know.”
Chapter 34
Jameson
“MAKE A LEFT at the next street, then a right at the end. You should recognize where we are after that.”
Tonight had been an absolute train wreck. From the moment we’d stepped inside to right now, as Ryan carefully maneuvered us through the Saturday night traffic and across town. I probably should’ve insisted he stay at the Peninsula, considering the mood I was in, but I was starting to realize I was unable to deny him. That was what had gotten me into this mess in the first place.
“This is your friend’s bar, Jon’s.” He pulled up to the curb and shut the engine off, and as the lights illuminated the street we’d met on, I wondered what the hell I was doing.
From the moment I met Ryan, I’d been breaking all my rules. Getting involved, letting someone in, caring… And what had happened? I’d gone and fucked it all up.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and went to open the door, but just before I climbed out, I felt a hand on my arm.
“I really am sorry about tonight.” Ryan’s voice was quiet, his words a plea to let him back in when everything inside me was screaming to do the opposite. But I nodded.
I climbed out of the car and looked across the roof. Still dressed for the night’s event, Ryan looked handsome as ever in his tuxedo. His black jacket was tailored for his broad shoulders and tall frame. The bow tie was impeccably knotted at the base of his throat. He’d swept his thick chestnut hair back and to the left where the part dictated.
He was like a diamond in the rough out here: shiny, polished, and so fucking beautiful that he was hard to look at.
I flicked open the button on his jacket and took hold of his bow tie.
Ryan halted my hands. “What are you doing?”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re not on your side of town anymore. Do you remember what happened the last time you were here?”
Ryan swallowed. “Yeah, I met this pretty amazing guy.”
I stuffed his tie into his pocket, then flicked open the top button of his shirt. “Well, if you’re lucky, Mitch might be here tonight. It is Saturday.”
A surprised chuckle left Ryan. “Jameson… I never meant to hurt—”
“I know.” And I did. Ryan couldn’t have known how tonight would go. He’d thought the worst of it would be a few questions about who I was. He didn’t know anything about Future’s Hope; I’d never mentioned it by name. But the cut was still too raw, and I needed time to let it heal, and whenever my life went to shit, this was where I ended up.
“Come on.” I was about to lead us through the side door of Jon’s when Ryan frowned and looked over his shoulder to his car.
“Uh, is that going to be there when we come out?”
I peered around his shoulder and shrugged. “It’s fifty-fifty.”
When Ryan’s eyes widened and the familiar surroundings enveloped me, I felt some of the tension from the night ease.
“Are you being serious?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry. We can usually track down the parts when they’re sold around the neighborhood.” When Ryan just stood there, I snorted. “I’m playing with you, GQ. Most people round here know better than to mess with Jon.”
He looked slightly more comforted by that.
“Come on. Let’s get out of the cold.”
I entered a code into the keypad and held the door open for Ryan. As he walked by, his delicious scent swirled around me, and I was again reminded of how far I’d let things progress since that first night here at Jon’s.