Her voice was tinged with raw pain. The truth hit her full force, causing her to step back as if slapped. Yes, she’d said it. Meant it at the time, thinking Bailey would laugh it off like she did everything else. But there in her sister’s eyes, she saw the fear, the rejection, and the anguish.
“I didn’t mean it, Bae. I swear, I didn’t.”
Bailey swept at her leaky eyes, sniffing. “My head knows it. But the way you looked at me with such hatred? I thought maybe you were telling the truth. And after that, everything changed. You never really spoke to me again—not in the way you used to.”
“You’re my sister,” she said fiercely. “Always.” Bailey nodded. “I’m so glad we’re finally talking about this, but it leads to something else. I want to talk about Hawke.”
“What does Hawke have to do with anything?” A bit of heat crept back into her gaze. “Are you going to ask if we slept together? Are you still judging me on this stuff?”
“I went to speak with Hawke just now. He told me you didn’t sleep together, but I want to know why. Because you made a proactive decision not to? Because it wasn’t the right time? Or because he rejected you? It’s important I know why, Bae.”
Pris looked confused as she glanced back and forth. “What does it matter if Bailey sleeps with Hawke? They’re both single. Am I missing something?”
“Exactly,” Bailey said fiercely. “I hate the way you try to make me feel ashamed over my choices. It’s messed up. I’d never butt into your love life or judge your decision to sleep with a guy or not! I cannot believe you went to speak with him about me—that is so . . . uncool!”
Frustration coiled inside Dev, squeezed with a slow-building tension that suddenly erupted in a desperation to get her sister to finally see what she was doing. “Oh my God, it’s not about sex or your female prerogative to have it! It’s not even about Hawke. This is how you solve every problem, Bae—with men. Can’t you see it? Aren’t you exhausted from hopping in and out of encounters and pretending none of them touched you? Don’t you know why it’s always your go-to?”
It was the first time Dev spotted real uncertainty in her sister’s clear blue eyes. She jumped up from the chair and stepped back as if fearful of being attacked, but Dev stood rooted to the spot, the lash of her tongue reaching beyond her sister’s retreat. “I’ll tell you. You think you’re this seeker, and open to the world in any form, but you’re more scared of love and attachments then me and Pris together. You have this habit of moving to a new place, getting a job, and immediately focusing on some guy, all the while telling yourself it means nothing. But you’re lying.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Bailey began to pant, shaking her head wildly. “I give my full self to whoever I’m with at the time, but I never feel the need to stay. I’m happier moving forward, seeking a new experience, a new relationship. Why is that wrong?”
The white-hot anger began to dull as she stared at her younger sister. God, she really believed it—believed she had this wandering spirit that was above them all. Above her own heart. “It’s not that it’s wrong; it’s just not true,” she finally said. “Why did you really sleep with my boyfriend, Bae? You said it meant nothing, right? It was just sex, and you didn’t realize it would affect me.”
Her face paled. “I thought we just talked about that and we were good. I thought—”
“No, we are good. I know you believed that, and it made all the difference. I swear, I’ve forgiven you, and hope you forgive me for cutting you out of my life. But did you ever really think about why it was so easy? You didn’t even really want him. I’ve watched you. You sail into a room, and within the space of one conversation, you decide if you want to have an affair. You set up the terms before they even know what’s going on in your head. And you set up the goodbyes, usually by moving to another job, another place, with another excuse.”
Pris stayed silent, but it wasn’t with horror. She seemed to grow more thoughtful as she stared at Bailey, and pieces seemed to slide together to make a full picture.
“No,” Bailey said. But her voice had weakened. Doubt flared in her eyes.
Dev stepped toward her, but it wasn’t in warning. It was in support. “We’ve started to dig deeper—all of us. Stuff is coming up and it’s been uncomfortable. Is Hawke a distraction for you? Are you really attracted to him? Do you have any feelings for him? Or is he just convenient to keep avoiding your shit?”
Pris rubbed her head. “We need wine. I’m getting wine.” Her footsteps clattered over the tile floor as she yanked open the refrigerator and poured three glasses of white, not seeming to care that it wasn’t even noon.
Dev prepared for her sister’s hot objections, or defense. She didn’t blame her either. There were so many patterns of behavior from all of them that couldn’t be solved within one conversation or one week in Italy.
Pris handed Bailey a glass and she sipped, fingers shaking around the stem. Then she met Dev’s gaze dead on. “I was completely neutral on sleeping with him. Hawke rejected me, and we ended up talking all night. Later on, I was so relieved, because I realized I’d never wanted to have sex with him in the first place. I wanted . . . connection. I just didn’t understand how to get it.”
Pris dropped in the chair next to her, squeezed her hand, and took a gulp of her own wine. “I get it. Physical stuff is so much easier in some ways. It’s like going halfway, but keeping the most important parts locked up and safe. I spoke with Garrett last night. Told him the truth. I don’t know how to fix it, but for the first time, I feel like I’m really here and not just a ghost of myself. I like it.”
Dev took the third chair, drank her wine, and glanced at her sisters. “Hawke wants to take me on a date.”
Bailey and Pris gasped. “Oh my God,” Bailey shrieked. “That’s so romantic! I swear, I kept thinking about how similar you two were.”
“Even as you planned to sleep with him?” Dev asked with a teasing grin.
Bailey punched her arm. “Stop, I told you I didn’t really want to. Thank God he had the hots for you instead. What are you going to do? We’re leaving in two days.”
“I want to stay,” Pris announced.
Dev stared at Pris in astonishment. “You what?”
“I want to stay.” Stubbornness carved out the lines of her face. Her eyes snapped with a fire Dev rarely caught. “I need more time to figure things out. Think. Walk. Sit in the sun or sail on a boat and be close to Mom. And I want you both to stay with me, because I think we need the time too, more than anything.”
Dev gave a half laugh. “That’s crazy. We have stuff to go back to. I’m teaching this huge course in August and have all this prep to do. We already have tickets.”