Today, they were back to Dev’s sightseeing agenda.
A young man named Paolo greeted them at the shore. He had deep olive skin, a mop of chocolate-brown curls, and dark eyes filled with a zest Bailey immediately appreciated. He flirted respectfully, lavishing them with compliments Bailey soaked up as her due, being in Italy, and got them settled in. There were only two other groups with them—a family with two kids, and an older husband and wife with lovely British accents.
Bailey got comfortable in her seat and dragged in a deep breath of sea air. So much had happened within the past twenty-four hours. She still felt unbalanced since the confrontation with Dev. After all these years, she had her sisters back. For real, this time.
But it had come at a cost.
The truth Dev had hit her with took its toll. Learning she might have been slipping in and out of affairs without true intent bothered her. Her foundation had shifted, and she was beginning to question all those previous decisions she’d once been so sure of. At first, she’d waved off the accusations even as she intended to own them in front of Dev. Hearing she was loved, and forgiven, was huge, and she had no intention of screwing it up by protesting Dev’s opinion.
Until she went over the evening with Hawke.
And realized Dev might have been right.
Why had she so distantly analyzed engaging in an affair with him? Yes, she’d catalogued his attractiveness and the fun factor of an overseas affair. Hell, most women didn’t pull apart every intention when passion was involved.
But it wasn’t passion that had led her forward. It was more of a habit—a routine she engaged in when a man seemed interested. When was the last time she truly felt as if she could fall in love? Was she lying to herself by pretending to let life flow without controlling it, when all the while she was keeping herself in a tightly locked box?
She watched as the boat pulled away and cut through the azure-blue water. Paolo spoke over a microphone, but she allowed her mind to keep drifting, caught up in the beauty of the rocky cliffs and colorful houses. Bailey had always believed she’d discovered the true secret to life—unattachment. It never bothered her. She never felt lonely or like something was missing. Drifting from job to job, place to place, man to man, all seemed like part of her adventure. She never questioned it.
Until now.
Underneath the perfect glossy surface of her life lay some serious scratches and nicks. Some from her childhood. Some from the divorce. Others from her sisters—those ones were starting to heal.
But Bailey hated fear, so she’d begun to dig a bit deeper, and she realized the last time she’d truly felt closest to happy in a relationship was with Will. She kept going back to that night when they made love and he asked her to come back soon. Her heart wanted to say yes, but she believed her freedom was more important than any relationship. She’d convinced herself it was her duty to walk. To flee now and pull the Band-Aid off quickly. To limit the pain she’d give to him when she did leave him. One day.
Will was still texting her. She figured he’d get tired of being dissed and move on to another actress to do her play. Instead, he sent her silly little memes about Italy, random quotes of Shakespearean poetry, and musings about his day in the classroom. He’d taken a part-time gig at SUNY New Paltz teaching intro to theater. She enjoyed the way he saw the kids who were passionate about their art and wanted to dive deep. Will had more layers than she’d imagined. Or maybe, more specifically, than she’d wanted to explore.
But now she was questioning herself. Had she really wanted to break up with him? Besides a physical attraction, they’d formed a deep bond, through both their similar lifestyles and their passion for creative pursuits. His conversation kept her engaged. He embraced who she was and didn’t try to change her.
So, why had she left?
Bailey didn’t have an answer. But it spoke of the larger question Dev had posed. And maybe it was time to figure out what she really wanted.
“You okay?” Dev asked, bumping her shoulder lightly.
She turned and smiled. “Yeah, just daydreaming. The sun and the water are relaxing.”
“I know. The last time I reached this type of relaxation was color-coding the cans in my pantry. Extremely satisfying.”
Bailey laughed. “Well, this may not beat it, but I’m sure it’s a close second.”
“Are you mad at me? For what I said yesterday?”
Startled, she swiveled her head to meet her sister’s light brown gaze. Dev would have never asked such a question before. The fact she even thought to check brought a strange sting to Bailey’s eyes. “No. It gave me a lot to think about. I just don’t want to fight with you anymore.”
“Me either. How about when we feel the habitual urge to tear each other apart, we go for Pris instead?”
“Deal.”
Twin smacks on the backs of their hands hit at the same time. “I don’t need either of your shit,” Pris muttered.
“Damn ballerina strength,” Bailey said, rubbing the sore spot. But they were all giggling by the time Paolo announced their arrival at the caves.
“There is a short lineup today,” Paolo said, his deep lilting voice pouring into the mic. “We picked the perfect time to visit, as the sunlight will be hitting full force. This allows us the opportunity to see the unique emerald green of the water. We will stop for photo opportunities for everyone.”
“Oh, look at the kayaks,” Pris said, pointing to the group entering the cave and disappearing through the large mouth. “Paolo, do you need to be a strong swimmer to do this?” she asked.
“Sì, signorina,” he said. “There can be strong tides, so I always recommend taking a boat unless you have had good swimming experience. There are two natural caves accessible from Marina di Praia—a village beach surrounded by rock walls. The other one is Africana Grotto, also quite beautiful. Many tourists stay at the Maria Pia and can walk down straight from their rooms. Amazing, sì?”
Paolo continued sharing a variety of interesting information, and then it was their turn. The small boat glided into the opening, and they were swallowed into a surrounding rocky wall. A strange energy seemed to shimmer in the air, and even the kids remained quiet, as if to decipher what was happening. The water glowed in a myriad of colors, exploding her vision with rich emeralds and turquoise in tiny bursts of color. A distant hum, maybe the wind, vibrated through the space.
Bailey reached over the side of the boat and dipped her hand in the water. It closed around her skin in silky smoothness, and she thought of her mother, picturing her face. Had she experienced this same moment so many years ago? Had she tried to swim in, her lover by her side? Had she felt the same way Bailey did, surrendering to the power and beauty of nature, yet overwhelmed by an unknown future that yielded no promises?