The door opens and I tense, refusing to look back. I already know it’s him because of Rylee’s expression. “Hadley,” he says, and I briefly close my eyes. I’ve missed his voice.
“Do you want me to go?” asks Rylee.
“If that’s okay,” says Grim. She waits for me to respond, and I eventually nod. “I asked Mama B to watch Oakley for a minute.” He moves into my eyeline, but I don’t look up, scared of how I’ll feel when I look into those blue eyes that have haunted my dreams for months. “You look amazing,” he says, taking a seat opposite me. His scent fills my nostrils, and I take a drink of water to distract myself. “How have you been?”
I take a moment to think over his question. How have I been? Lost, lonely, sad, hurt. “Fine,” I mutter.
“That’s good. Did you get my letter? I told you I was meeting the parole board today and there was a chance I’d get released.” I shake my head. Fuck, why didn’t I read the letters? “I thought you might not read them. I guess I deserve that.”
I glance at my watch. “Fuck,” I mutter to myself. “Sorry, I have to go.” I stand, feeling his eyes on me.
“Can’t it wait? I haven’t seen you in over a year.”
“Sorry,” I repeat, rushing from the room.
GRIM
I watch Hadley leave the kitchen and sigh. I don’t know what I expected. Sixteen months felt like five years to me, and I thought about Hadley and Oakley every second of those months. Maybe that’s why time dragged on. But I dreamt of seeing her and how she’d forgive me, throwing herself in my arms and telling me how much she missed me. I didn’t prepare myself for the look of horror on her face or the way she’d avoid looking at me. I should have guessed it wouldn’t be easy, that’s why she didn’t visit or respond to my letters.
I head back to the main room because at least the brothers are pleased to see me. Ghost shoves a beer in my hand and the club girls push each other to sit beside me. “How come you got out early?” he asks.
“And why the fuck didn’t you tell us?” asks Mav.
I wrote it in my letter to Hadley, but I suspected she wasn’t reading them. The fact Mav didn’t mention it when I called him last night confirmed my suspicions. It’s why I’d called to arrange Mav’s visit today. I was waiting at the gates the second he pulled up outside.
“I didn’t wanna give you guys a chance to arrange a party,” I say. “We all know how they end.”
“You’re not getting out of it that easily,” says Copper. “It’s tradition, and we’ll party all night.” I force a smile. All I want to do is be with Hadley until she forgives me. “And seeing as you’ve been missing for so long, I’ll even give you first pick of the girls,” he adds, and the club girls giggle.
Hadley rushes past me, and I watch her go to Oakley and kiss her on the head. She speaks briefly to her mum, who nods and smiles. Then Hadley leaves. I put my beer down and race after her, catching her as she gets to her car. “Where are you going?”
“I have lunch plans,” she says, still not looking at me.
“Look at me, Hads,” I demand. Eventually, she pulls her eyes to me. “We need to talk,” I say firmly.
“We don’t.”
“Of course, we do. We have so much to talk about, including Oakley.”
Her mobile rings and she winces when she looks at the screen. “I have to go, I’m running late.”
I stare at the name flashing on the screen. It’s a man. “You’ve met someone?”
“I’m not doing this now.” She gets in the car and starts the engine.
I tug the passenger door open. “Then when?” I ask.
She drives away without answering, forcing me to slam the door closed. Cracking Hadley will be harder than I thought.
I turn to find Mum watching. When I reach her, I kiss her on the cheek, and she smiles sadly. “Hadley hasn’t told anyone, but she meets him a few times a week.”
“How do you know?” I ask, frowning.
“I just watch. Sometimes I overhear conversations, telephone calls. I’m good at staying in the shadows,” she says, and I smile. I’m proud of her for staying clean. I expected her to slip back into old ways without me around, but it made her more determined to be there for me. We spent her visits learning about each other again and sometimes it was painful. But we’re getting through it, and hopefully, now I’m free, we can talk about finding Xzavier and making things right. “It’s Oakley’s nap time,” she adds.
Inside, I take my daughter from Mama B and head to the kitchen with Mum to make a bottle. While I was in prison, I attended every parenting class I could to learn all this stuff, but now, making a bottle for real feels totally different, and as I rock her in my arm and scoop powder into the plastic container, I feel nervous. Mum smiles reassuringly, standing back and allowing me to do it myself. I test the temperature just like I’ve been shown and then head upstairs to my room. Sitting on my bed, which smells freshly made, probably by the ol’ ladies, I cradle Oakley in my arms and watch her feed.
It’s hard to believe I helped create such a perfect little human. She has my bright blue eyes and Hadley’s brown hair. She’s chilled just like her mum, and as her eyes drift closed, I shuffle down on the bed and close my eyes too.
HADLEY
Lunch went by in a blur. I can’t recall anything that Harry spoke about because my mind was racing. And each time he asked if I was okay, I lied and told him I had a headache. Eventually, it was over and I rushed back to the club, not really sure why I felt the need to be here because I don’t want to see Grim, but I don’t want to be away from him either.
Mama B smiles when I go looking for Oakley. “Grim took her upstairs for her nap.” That sentence alone freaks me out. I’ve been her sole carer for her entire life, and now I’ll have to share that with Grim. I don’t know how to feel about that.
When she isn’t in my room, in her cot beside my bed, I head for Grim’s room. Standing in the doorway, I take in the scene before me. Oakley sleeping soundly in Grim’s arms is the best yet most painful thing I’ve witnessed. As if he senses me there, he opens his eyes. They fix me with that cool expression he uses when he’s trying to remain calm. “Was lunch good?”
“Yes,” I lie. “I like her to sleep in her cot,” I add.
“I’d know that if you stuck around to talk to me instead of meeting him.”
I shouldn’t feel guilty, I haven’t done anything wrong, but it’s hard not to when he’s staring at me accusingly. I hadn’t told anyone about Harry, mainly because it’s new. He’d spent a long time asking me out, and I’d always turned him down. When it was clear my pregnancy wasn’t putting him off, I began to think about him more. So, last month when he invited me to join him for lunch, I bit the bullet and said yes. We’ve had a handful of dates since then but nothing more, not even a kiss. I’m cautious about who I let into my heart these days, but Harry’s been a completely understanding gentleman.