Fucking me. Desire streamed through her, and she rolled onto her side, squeezing her eyes shut. Go to sleep. She had to get up early and deal with horses and chickens. She had to find Tigger and give him his egg.
But every time she closed her eyes, she saw Declan’s face while she’d given him a blow job, the passion in his eyes as he’d watched his cock slide in and out of her mouth. And when he’d come, his big hand had clamped onto the back of her head and his handsome features had wrenched into a tortured, ecstatic expression.
That was the first time she’d ever seen him really let go. Most of the time, he was alert, watchful. He was extremely in tune with her needs, constantly gauging her feelings. Even when he’d licked her into an orgasm, he’d been all about figuring out her pleasure centers. And she loved that, she really did.
But in that moment, he’d lost control.
God, he was the hottest man she’d ever met. It wasn’t just his face or his body or those badass tattoos. It was him. Since her visit with Glori had run later than expected, she’d had to accompany him to the rink where he’d coached one of the Renegades’ hockey players.
He hadn’t been the only guy on the ice, but he was the one who’d captured her attention. His powerful thighs and absolute confidence had been such a turn-on. He was a force to be reckoned with.
Watching him coach a professional hockey player, seeing the man’s gratitude…the way he’d broken into a wide grin when he grasped what Declan was saying…it had been exhilarating.
She’d wanted to straddle him in the Jeep, rock her hips over his erection, let him know just how hot he made her. But she didn’t, of course. She was careful not to let him see how much she wanted him. She wouldn’t dare flirt. No way.
She’d asked a favor, and he’d delivered. And that was that.
But she wanted more. She wanted to slide under his covers and feel his arms wrap around her. She wanted him to nuzzle her neck, feel him hard and prodding against her. She’d let him in. Oh, yeah, I would. She’d open like a flower bud for him.
Well, wait. He’s not hooking up with anyone. She knew that because he spent all his time either working in the office or with her. Tonight, they’d cooked dinner, watched a movie, and gone to bed.
As long as she didn’t get clingy or emotional, why couldn’t she have another night with him? There wouldn’t be real feelings involved because she was leaving in two weeks.
In the meantime…why not?
Chapter Fourteen
Throwing the covers back, she got out of bed and peered down the long hallway. Shafts of moonlight from each bedroom puddled on the gleaming hardwood floor. Since they kept the windows open at night, the house was chilly, and it woke her all the way up.
Even the anxiety of heading to his room made her feel alive. She was stepping out of her comfort zone in a big way, and it was exhilarating.
And terrifying. What if he’s annoyed that I’m waking him up?
Oh, come on. What man wouldn’t like being awakened for sex? And if she was going to do this, she’d better be confident. He wouldn’t like a weak, insecure woman. That, she was sure of.
She stopped outside his door. God, what if there was someone in his bed? She would die. But she didn’t hear anything. Not a sound.
Had he gone out?
Wouldn’t it be hilarious if, every night after she went to sleep, he showered, slapped on some cologne, and trolled the bars for hookups? Here she was thinking they were being all domestic and cozy together while he might be off banging a different woman each night.
Actually, that didn’t sound so farfetched. There’s no way a guy like Declan is going to bed at ten o’clock. That’s literally when she and her friends used to head out to the clubs.
Ugh. I’m ridiculous.
If I can’t be a sexually confident woman, then I’ve got no business standing outside Declan Cadell’s door. She turned to go but something held her back.
What if she played the favor game again? So far, they’d kissed and had oral sex, but they hadn’t had sex. This could be the last favor I ask.
Yes, perfect. Knocking lightly, she pressed her ear to the door.
“Yeah?” She heard a rustle of fabric. “Phinny? Come in.”
She didn’t know how he could sleep with the curtains open like that, but in case he had company, she did a quick scan for panties or high heels.
“There’s no one here.” He said it with surprise, like how could she think he’d sneak someone in?
Well, she could stand there like an idiot, or she could go after what she wanted. Worst case scenario? He’d tell her to get out. That she was taking the game too far.
And apparently, she’d rather feel the sting of rejection than the bottomless ache of what if.
What if I crawl into his bed, and he welcomes me?
What if he feels for me what I feel for him?
Oh, no. No, no, no.
No feelings.
You can have fun with him, but that’s it. He doesn’t want anything more complicated.
Moving with a confidence she didn’t feel, she headed for the bed. “Sorry I woke you.” But I’m feeling frisky.
Ew, no.
But I ache for you.
Shut up. No.
You know what? Forget it. She wasn’t a game player, so she climbed onto his bed and sat up on her knees. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Come on.” His sleep-roughened voice burned through her like whiskey, igniting a fire in her core. He threw back the covers, and she crawled underneath. Before she had a chance to figure out how close to him she should be, he drew the fluffy down blanket over them.
She breathed in his scent—something clean, like dryer-warmed cotton, and outdoorsy, like hiking on a sunny day. She smiled to put him at ease. It’s just fun here, folks. Nothing more.
But his serious expression let her know he wasn’t buying it. “What’s keeping you up?”
Oh, that little whirly thing you do with your tongue. But her stomach churned, and her mind raced, and she just wasn’t feeling bold enough to say it out loud.
He cocked his arm and shoved his hand under his head. “Must be weird to hear a whole other perspective on your dad. And live in his house without him.” He grinned. “Even weirder to live with a total stranger.”
“You’re the best part of it.” Oh, dammit. She wished she could suck the words back in. So, before he could kick her out or give her the talk, she said, “I’m scared.”
He brushed a lock of hair that had fallen across her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “Why?”
“Because I’m pretty sure my mum cut Kurt out so she could make a family with me and Andrew.”
He didn’t look surprised at all. “And if she did…”
“I’m not sure I could forgive her.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Slowly, gently, he sifted his fingers through her hair. “Would she do that?”
“Yes, I think she would. Looking back, I can see how she changed when she met Andrew, how excited she became. She’d say it all the time, that we’re going to do this or that ‘as a family.’”
“Kurt was no threat to that. He lived five thousand miles away.”
“No, I think he was. He had me for whole summers and every other holiday. That’s a big threat.” What does it say about my mum that she could erase Kurt just to have her idea of a family? The more she thought about it, the faster her pulse revved. Anxiety spun like rotors, practically levitating her out of his bed. You have to stop thinking about it. That’s not why I’m here. Resting her cheek on his chest, she gave herself a moment to calm down. She had what she wanted—she was in bed with Declan, his strong arm around her, his heart beating powerfully. Stroking his warm skin, she flashed him a smile. “On a happy note, I’ve now got two products to sell at my farm stand.”