Smile when you look at him, Phinny.
Be nice to him.
Go on, give him the present. Tell him you made it for him.
She could feel the squeeze of her mum’s fingers on the back of her neck.
You’re not going to Verity’s. We’re having a family dinner.
The first time she’d met Andrew, her mum had gotten her all gussied up, fussed over her hair, and told her quite sternly how to behave. The three of them had gone to Borough Market. She’d wanted a chocolate gelato, but her mum wouldn’t let her. She’d acted so weird, jerking Phinny’s hand when she pointed to the flavor she’d wanted. Her mom had made her get vanilla so she wouldn’t stain her lavender dress.
Once, when she’d cried inconsolably about missing out on a birthday party for a girl at school, her mum had nearly yanked her arm out of its socket because Andrew had just come over.
“He’s going to leave if you don’t stop. Do you want him to leave? Stop this right now. He doesn’t want to be around silly little girls.”
Phinny tipped her head back to take in the bright blue sky. She might have been five or six years old, but the message had been very clear. If she wanted to make her mum happy, she needed to be a good girl for her new daddy.
Had Andrew not wanted to get involved with a single mum who still had ties to her baby daddy?
I just don’t know.
But I did what mum wanted. I became Andrew’s daughter and shut the door on my biological father.
Quickly, she finished collecting the eggs and brought them to the bunkhouse, keeping one for Tigger. When she returned the baskets to the barn and went to grab the gardening gloves and tools, she found the bin empty.
Well, that’s odd. “Tigger? Come on, boy.” Normally, he’d be at her side, dancing and prancing, waiting for his treat. “Where are you?” She headed over to the garden and found him watching her, alert, but not moving. “Tigger, what are you doing? Look what I’ve got for you.” When she held it up for him, he glanced behind, hesitating, before finally dashing over and gently taking it from her hand. “You’re such a good boy.”
And then he trotted right back. It was only then that she noticed a red, floppy hat. Someone was hunched over, yanking out weeds. There wasn’t much to pull, though, since she took care of it daily. “Hello?”
The older woman startled, clutching her chest. “Oh, you scared me.” Pulling out her earbuds, she twisted around, eyes widening when she saw Phinny.
Now the coffee and the unlocked office made sense. “You must be Tina.” She marched forward and stuck out her hand.
But the older woman got up, waved it off, and enfolded Phinny in her arms. “Look at you, all grown up.”
Phinny pulled back. “Did I know you?”
“Yes, dear. I’ve worked for your dad for over twenty years.” She smoothed the hair off Phinny’s damp forehead. “You’re a beauty.”
“Oh.” She’d only just rolled out of bed and brushed her teeth. Her hair was a fright. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember you.”
The woman had to be in her fifties, but her complexion was smooth. Only the graying hair and bags under her eyes betrayed her age. “You were such a wee little girl. I’m not surprised.”
“You’re Scottish?”
“Yes. The West Highlands. Your dad hired me because he thought having someone from across the pond would make you more comfortable.”
He what? In that moment, after the revelation she’d just had, she felt so fragile, so…breakable. “That’s unbearably kind.” Tigger nudged her palm, giving it a lick, and she scratched him behind his ears.
“You sound surprised.”
“I…” She was touched he’d do something so thoughtful. “I came here with a very clear idea of who Kurt was, and now I know I was entirely wrong. I thought he’d given up on me, that he’d replaced me with the hockey boys.”
“What on earth gave you that impression?”
“There’s not a single photograph of me in his house. Not a single…memento.”
“Ah.” She nodded with complete understanding. “Darling, I’ve just unlocked your dad’s office this morning. Take some time alone and have a look around.”
“Yes, I will.” She hesitated. “I’m almost scared of what I’ll find.”
“It’s only good, sweet girl. I can promise you that.” She squeezed Phinny’s hand. “I made coffee, so pour yourself a mug and go on in.”
“I’ve got chores to do.”
“You’ve done a wonderful job in my absence, and I thank you for that, but I’m back now. Go on.”
“Are you sure?” But even as she said it, she felt the pull, the need to get into that office.
“Positive.”
As Phinny started back to the house, Tina called, “I’ve turned on his computer, so I could catch up on some things for him. Open up his email account, dear. There’s a folder with your name, and while he might give me the stink-eye for doing this, I think it’s time you got the answers you’re looking for.”
Chapter Fifteen
Her stomach wrenched. Part of her wanted to stay ignorant because she needed to keep her idea of her mum intact. Until the broken engagement, they’d never gone a day without talking to each other. Shopping, lunches, volunteering…I was her mini me.
But every day here on the ranch, she learned something that fractured, chipped, and distorted that idea. She feared stepping into the office would shatter it entirely.
But she had to do it. I have to.
In the kitchen, she poured herself coffee. Her hand shook as she stirred the sugar and cream. She had no idea what she might find, but as she made her way across the living room, she heard Declan on the phone in the business office. She wanted to ask him to come with her, but that wasn’t the kind of relationship he wanted.
No, she had to do this alone.
Drawing a fortifying sip of her creamy coffee, she opened the door and was immediately hit with a familiar scent. One, she’d long forgotten.
It’s my dad.
It was earthy, spicy, like an expensive, exotic tea, and it sent her back to childhood. To sitting on his lap while they looked at the big globe in the corner of the office. She remembered hiding her face in his neck when they’d go into town and people would want to chat, ask for his autograph, or take a picture with him.
He’d keep his hand firmly on her back, holding her close, making her feel safe.
Associating Kurt with comfort? It rocked her world. She blew out a tight breath and entered his private realm. His business office was all gleaming bookcases and fancy furniture. But this one…was homey. So homey, it had framed artwork hanging on the dark-paneled walls clearly made by a child.
It took a moment to make sense of what she was seeing, but the paintings were done…
By me.
What? He’d framed them?
Taking a closer look at one, she had a vague memory of sitting outside by the pool under a big umbrella. Up on her knees, she’d swirled a paintbrush in a glass jar. She’d watched as the paint slowly dissipated into the clear water, turning it pink.
Framed photographs covered the desk. Picking up one of her and her dad, she blinked back tears until she could see it clearly. But she couldn’t.