She’d tried to take her life three times.
He’d saved her. Each and every time.
My stomach bottomed out as I inspected my marred flesh. It wasn’t Sally’s life he’d been tortured over. It was mine.
I’d been kidnapped.
I’d tried to take my life three times.
He’d saved me. Each and every time.
The lump in my throat grew with each revelation, and I forced myself to swallow. He’d lied so much I had no idea if any of it was true, but with even the possibility of it being real, I needed answers more than ever.
Careful to avoid poor Quincy and his broken pot, I unlocked the door. I was barely out of the way before he rushed in and wrapped me in his arms.
I needed a hug.
I needed something—anything—to feel safe again.
But affection from Bowen had never felt more wrong.
“Get off me,” I seethed, pushing out of his hold. “I didn’t open the door for your sake. Start talking. And I swear to God, Bowen, tread carefully.” I took a step back, needing distance. “This is the only shot you get. One lie and this will be the last time you ever see me.”
He nodded and stabbed his hand into the top of his hair. “It’s the only shot I’ll need.”
“Then talk,” I demanded.
For a moment, he seemed nervous, swaying from one foot to the other, his gaze dipping to the floor, unable to meet mine. It was so unlike Bowen that it softened me for a beat. But before I could let even the tiniest bit of compassion in, I caught myself.
Did I actually know the man who stood before me at all anymore?
And if I did, could I even love someone who lied to me as easily as he took a breath?
His eyes finally came back to mine, and I fought myself not to get lost in the pain swimming in them. “Everything I told you about Sally is the God’s honest truth. We’d only been together three weeks when she went missing.”
“Me,” I corrected, stabbing a finger at my chest. “You mean me.”
He shook his head adamantly. “No. I mean Sally. You are not that woman anymore, Remi. And that’s exactly why we are standing here now. Because I did the only thing I could think of to make sure you were never that woman again.”
“By fucking with my head and altering my memories? Gee, thanks for that.”
“No,” he bit out quickly, his voice sharp. “By not giving them back to you.” He took a giant step toward me, and I backed away just as fast. Clearly not fond of yet another retreat, he clenched his jaw, but then he stilled. “After you were kidnapped, you weren’t you anymore. It was like whoever had taken you had snuffed out the light inside you. Every single day was a struggle, but who could blame you? You’d been through so fucking much. I tried—hell, we all tried—so hard to keep you in the light. But eventually, it got to the point that I couldn’t even find you in the darkness anymore. And every time I tried, I lost another piece of myself in the search. I can’t adequately explain how bad things had gotten, but I was floundering. We were on that plane because you’d decided to check out of a treatment facility early. My last hope of getting you back, and you wouldn’t even try.”
He paused and cleared the rasp of emotion from his throat, but it felt like a hot coal was burning in mine.
Holy shit. What the hell had happened to me? Had I been assaulted? Tortured? Worse? I glanced at the scars on my wrists. I had always assumed they were from the crash. Hell, I’d been told point-blank that they were from the crash. But now I knew they were self-inflicted. Were they covering marks I’d gotten from whoever had taken me? Had this person threatened me? My family? Bowen?
My stomach twisted as all the possibilities raced through my mind. It must have been horrendous. There was no other explanation. Suicide? God, who was that person? It wasn’t me. I never would have put anyone I cared about through that kind of torture. But that was easy to say when I wasn’t sinking in the quicksand of pain and trauma.
He continued. “But then a fucking miracle happened. That plane crash saved us. Me, you, Aaron—we’d all survived. Better than that, you were suddenly reborn. You were smiling again. Laughing. Joking and teasing. Finally, you were back to your old self. Everything we’d thought was impossible. So we made the decision to let you forget.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make,” I hissed.
“Not everything needs to be a memory. I’d give anything to be able to forget.”
“I don’t know, Bowen. It sounds to me like you did forget.” I crossed my arms over my chest as a chill exploded across my skin. “We were engaged, right?”
He dipped his head in confirmation.
“And what? After the plane crash, you just left me?” I snapped my fingers. “Just like that. It was that easy for you, huh?”
His eyes flashed wide. “Are you fucking kidding me? Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There wasn’t a minute of those six months when it didn’t feel like I was simultaneously drowning and on fire. Everything fucking hurt. But you know what? It didn’t hurt for you anymore, and that was the only way I got through the nights. You are the only woman I have ever, will ever, and could ever love. But even knowing that, I had to make the sacrifice.”
“I didn’t ask for a fucking sacrifice!” I yelled, because in a lot of ways, that realization hurt more than the months of betrayal. The idea that a timeline existed in which Bowen had abandoned me felt like a knife through the heart. Tears dripped off my chin as emotions I’d long since packed away exploded, shredding me as they ricocheted inside me with no way out. “You promised me you’d never leave.”
His chin jerked to the side. “You remember that?”
“I don’t have to fucking remember it to know it happened. Whatever version of me you convinced to marry you would have made you swear to it before she ever accepted your proposal. And still, you left.”
“Remi, I didn’t have a choice. It was either leave you or lose you.” The desperation on his face threatened to undo all the anger I’d used as fuel to get through this conversation.
I pushed it down deep and forced a laugh. It held no humor, but rather a whole fucking lot of pain.
“Well, now you get to do both.” I shoved past him to the door and snatched it open, sweeping my arm in an exaggerated motion before I managed to grit through clenched teeth, “Get out.”
“No.” He furiously shook his head. “I made that mistake once. I’m not doing it again.”
Oh, he’d made a lot of mistakes. But so had I. The biggest mistake of all? Trusting him in the first place.
“Get. The. Hell. Out.”
He stood stock-still, both feet planted firmly in place and matched my tone, “Never.”
“Fine. Watch me leave instead.” I didn’t give myself a chance to think twice.
With my keys in my pocket, I refused to pause even long enough to grab my purse. I just marched through the door to my car. It didn’t matter that I was falling apart, lost in a sea of confusion and grief.
All that mattered was that I got out of there and away from Bowen before I let him spin another web of lies and deceit I would inevitably be unable to escape.