“I know. I know,” he whispered, but even that was shaky. He extended the tote bag in my direction. “I just needed to see you. I brought you clothes and stuff. I don’t actually know what I grabbed. It’s probably all shit, but it’s clean, and I packed your toothbrush. Shampoo and conditioner too. You’ll look like an electrified poodle if you use the cheap shit for too long.”
Snatching the bag from his hand, I leveled him with a glare. “Did you seriously just insult my hair?”
“It was a joke! I was trying to lighten the mood to hide the fact that I’m freaking the fuck out right now.”
“You’re freaking the fuck out? Oh, I’m sorry. Did you find out that your friends and family have spent the last eight months lying to you too?”
His shoulders sagged. “I didn’t want to lie to you. None of us did. But you were barely even speaking to me before the plane crash. And then you woke up and started asking for me. It’s not an excuse, but I just wanted my best friend back.”
My chin jerked to the side. “Wait. Why weren’t we speaking before the crash?”
He cut his gaze to the floor. “Can I at least come in? I don’t want to talk about this in the hall.”
“Fine. But you aren’t staying long. I came here to get away and give myself space to try to process all of this insanity.”
“Okay, that’s fine. Just let me explain and then I’ll give you whatever space you need.”
Just let me explain was quickly becoming my least favorite phrase in the English language. Bowen had explained. Then Linda. My dad too. And while I had learned that a lot of sad stuff had happened to me, I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the lengths they had all gone to in order to make this ruse my reality.
I started to step out of his way so he could come into the room, but I paused. “Don’t you dare think about lying to me. Not one single exaggeration or omission. Do you hear me?”
He nodded rapidly. “I swear.”
Blowing out a sigh, I reluctantly stepped aside.
As he walked into my hotel room, he seemed smaller. Nervous and timid. I’d spent so much time trying to build him up after the crash, I fucking hated it.
I perched on the edge of the king-size bed, and Aaron stood at the foot. An awkward silence blanketed the room. It felt so distinctly wrong that it was painful.
Jesus. How the fuck had we gotten here?
“What happened before the crash?” I asked evenly.
“I fucked up. And never in my life have I regretted anything more.” He chewed on his thumbnail. “It’s just… When you went missing, everything was so crazy. The police were saying one thing. Bowen said something totally different. Your dad kept looking to me and Mark for answers. We knew you better than anyone else, but we were just as clueless. Well, almost. Let’s be real here. Commitment has always freaked you out.”
He was not wrong there. For the most part, I’d avoided dating in general just to avoid even the possibility of a relationship—or more accurately the inevitable failure of a relationship. Still, I rolled my eyes and circled my hand in the air, signaling for him to continue.
He scratched the back of his neck. “Then Bowen came along and you were smitten from day one. But you were still you, so when I’d found out he’d asked you to move in after only three weeks, I just…hoped that you’d taken off.” He gestured around the room. “Ya know, to get some space to think.”
“You hoped?”
“Well, the alternative was that there was a maniac out there who had kidnapped my best friend, held her captive for almost a week, and drugged her to the point she couldn’t remember anything but the sound of another woman crying.” His handsome face crumbled, and tears welled in his eyes. “And worst of all, if it was true, I had to accept that it was all my fault.”
My whole body locked up tight. “W-what?”
“When’s the last time you went for a run by yourself, Remi?”
I shook my head. I didn’t run by myself. I actually hated running in general. Give me a spin class or elliptical any day of the week. However, when it came to putting one foot in front of the other in the great outdoors, my experiences were limited to when our neighbor’s dog got out of the backyard or if Aaron had guilted me into going with him.
“Oh, God,” I breathed.
His shoulders shook with a silent sob. “You shouldn’t have been there. I got called into the office early that morning. You were still in bed when I left, so I texted you on my way out the door. I figured you’d see it when you woke up and be damn near ecstatic that you didn’t have to run with me. I never thought you’d go alone, but every day over the last year and a half, I have shredded myself over it.”
A vise cranked down on my chest. Just what Aaron needed—more guilt in his life. This did explain a lot about how different he’d become after the plane crash. Though maybe the crash hadn’t been the root cause of his survivor’s guilt to begin with.
He walked over to the bed and sank down beside me. Not touching, but close. “I didn’t handle things well after they found you. I couldn’t stop blaming myself, so I was defensive about everything. You tried to tell me it wasn’t my fault, but hearing and believing it were two very different stories. So one night, I lashed out at you and told you I thought you were making it all up. It was fucking dumb and by far the biggest lie I’d ever told.”
My lips thinned and I gave him a pointed glare.
“Up until that point, I mean,” he amended.
I nodded at his appraisal and bumped him with my shoulder. A simple gesture to let him know I was there, even if I wasn’t anywhere ready to throw my arms around his neck and tell him it was all forgiven.
“Did you apologize at least?” I asked.
He scoffed. “At least a hundred times. Often daily. But so many people, the police included, thought you had fabricated everything to cover a drug problem that had gotten out of control. I think when I said it, the words grew claws and dug into your flesh. I was never able to convince you that I hadn’t meant it. At first, you stopped speaking to me. Then just the sight of me would set you on fire. We’d had a huge fight the night before your second suicide attempt. After that, Bowen asked me to move out.” He lifted one shoulder. “So I did.”
“What the fuck?” I gasped. “You moved out?”
His eyes met mine. “It was for the best. It was for you.”
I hung my head. “For me. That’s what everyone keeps saying.”
“We love you, Remi. We all lost you in one way or another. Some of us more than once. We just wanted you back, and when you lost your memory, it was our shot. I have to say, it’s been hard since the crash. I struggle a lot. But having you here again… It doesn’t feel like I’m suffocating.”
My eyes popped open as a thought struck me. “Why were you on the plane? I mean…if we weren’t on good terms. Bowen told me he’d gone to get Sally—I mean, me—from a treatment facility. But why were you there? And why was I sitting next to Bowen when the flight log said you were in the seat beside me?”
“You called me. It was totally out of the blue. You hadn’t spoken to me in over a month, but you wanted to come home. And you asked me to come get you.” His lips curled in a sad smile. “Thirty minutes later, I had two plane tickets and Bowen pounding on my front door. He was pissed. I didn’t know he’d already told you that you had to stay, and quite honestly, I didn’t care.” Copying my gesture, he rocked into me, bumping me with his shoulder. “If you needed me, I was on my way. Bowen bought a ticket on the same flight. Fought me every step of the way. The minute he laid eyes on you, he caved too. Hated himself for it, but love is a real bitch like that.”