“I’m trying different things. Expanding my horizons. Challenging myself. My art teacher says showing versatility might help with Yale.”
“You’ll get in.” I smile at him. “There is no doubt in my mind.”
His eyes glue mine in place, and I’m back to not breathing. The wind ruffles his hair, blowing dark strands over his brow and into his eyes. His face is drowning in emotion, and I see it all because he doesn’t hide from me, and I seriously love that. “Thank you for believing in me, Kendall. I’m not sure you fully understand how much it means to me.”
Without stopping to think about it, I reach out and link our fingers. “It’s easy to believe in you because you are so talented and such a good person.” He barks out a harsh laugh, and I sense the agony underscoring it. A stabbing pain spreads across my chest, and I hurt for him. “They don’t deserve you.”
“I know.” Picking up a loose stone, he lets it fly. It soars over the edge, disappearing into the abyss. “But I can’t leave.” He turns to face me. “At least not yet.” I squeeze his hand. “I need to put my Yale plan into place and then try to persuade Mom to leave him.”
“And if she won’t?” I softly ask.
“Then I’m done.” He throws his head back and closes his eyes, gripping my hand more tightly.
“You have done more than most sons would do.”
He angles his head to the side, opens his eyes, and looks straight at me. “You don’t think West would go to the ends of the earth for you?” He arches a brow. “Because I’m telling you now,” he adds, without waiting for me to reply, “he would. He would do everything I have done and more.”
“As I would for him. Stella and Ridge too. They are the most precious things to me in this world, and I would do anything for them.”
“Like stay with your cheating husband?”
I don’t confirm or deny it, but I’m sure my silence says enough.
He moves his position, sliding closer and his knee brushes against my thigh. I look up into his solemn face. “Why won’t you talk to me? I know there is more to it than you have said. You can confide in me. I won’t tell anyone.”
Pain whips me from all sides. Gently, I cup one side of his face because it’s too hard not to touch him when we’re this close. “And that’s exactly why I can’t. You are West’s best friend, Vander. I don’t want you keeping secrets from him. This already feels like a big one.”
Silence bleeds into the air, and I watch all manner of emotions flit across his face. He leans into my palm while his hand lands on my knee. “I love West like a brother. He’s been there for me, and I would do anything for him.” His tongue darts out, wetting his lips, and my eyes track the motion of their own accord. Tension bleeds into the air, and his face burns against my palm while heat seeps into my leg, through the blanket, from his hand. “But what I feel for you surpasses that. I feel so fucking guilty for even voicing it, but it’s the truth.”
“Don’t do that.” I lower my hand from his face and bend my knees so his hand falls away. “Don’t make this a choice.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” He kneels before me, pinning me with a pleading expression. He is shielding absolutely nothing, and I sense the same warring emotions flowing through his veins. “I hate I can’t spend time with you, and time with him, and be open about it. But I’m not stupid. I know what people would think.”
“Not just people. I’m talking about West. Stella too. They wouldn’t understand.”
“I wish I was older.” He emits a weary sigh. “This wouldn’t be an issue then.”
“I’d still be married.”
“Why, Kendall? Why are you staying with him? He isn’t worthy to be your husband.”
“I know, but it’s complicated.”
A wry laugh rips from his mouth. “Isn’t everything.”
Steely determination washes over his face as his eyes lock on mine again. “I’m not making a choice, but I don’t see why I can’t be friends with West and friends with you, and we keep things separate, like I do with my boxing buddies and my friends from school.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It can be.”
“Beginning a friendship when we have admitted we have feelings for one another is a disaster in the making.”
“We wouldn’t be beginning anything, Kendall.” His eyes flash with tenacity. “We’ve been friends all along. Maybe it wasn’t conventional, but that’s what we were to one another until I fucked everything up at the party. I just want that back. I need you in my life.”
Right now, he looks every bit his age, and he might as well have reached out and squeezed a hand around my heart. I have never been able to abandon him when he’s needed me, and I don’t think I can do it now. But how do we do this? How do we keep it platonic and not cross a line? And can I spend time with him while keeping it a secret because no one would understand?
I don’t have any answers, but I’d challenge anyone to look at his gorgeous, pleading face and to listen to his heartfelt tone, and turn him down. I don’t know that I can.
“I was wrong before,” he says. “I shouldn’t have pushed for more. I should have been more understanding of your situation, but I get it now. I won’t ask about him. I won’t pry, but please, please, just don’t shut me out. I need you as my friend, and I think you need me as yours too.”
16
VANDER
“Bowie says we’re not hanging at your place tonight,” West supplies when we meet at our lockers at the end of a fucking long school week. “What’s up with that? Friday nights at Vander’s is practically legendary.”
“I told you yesterday I have plans with Crusher tonight.” I grab the books I’ll need for studying over the weekend from my locker and stuff them into my bag. “And I got some work done this week. The place is a mess.” I’m planning to spend the weekend painting the carriage house and fixing it up nicer. I need something to distract me from thinking about Kendall. Despite our friendship pact, I haven’t seen her all week, and I’m antsy.
He scratches the back of his head, frowning. “When did you tell me that?”
I roll my eyes. “When you were groping your girlfriend in the parking lot, dipshit. I should’ve known better than to talk to you then.”
He grins. “I’m not going to apologize for letting my woman distract me. Hazel is the best distraction ever.” West slings his gym bag over his shoulder, glancing behind me with a grimace, before eyeballing me. “Incoming.”
Shutting my locker, I slowly turn around just as a girl with a sickeningly sweet voice says, “Hey, sexy.”
I close my eyes for a nanosecond, praying for patience that is in limited supply these days. Schooling my features into a neutral expression, I look at Gayle, wondering what the fuck she wants now. The girl is legit driving me insane. Her hands land on my chest, uninvited, as she presses herself up against me. “Want to hang out?” She bats her eyelashes and licks her lips, and I’m sure she thinks she’s seductive, but all it does is irritate the hell out of me. I want to tell her to get lost, but Mom’s battered face resurrects in my mind, and I stuff the words back down.