I nod without hesitation. “Like I said, I know what I want, and I want a life with you. I have never been surer about anything.”
“Those are the best years of your life, Vander. You don’t want to be tied down to a divorced woman with three kids and a truckload of self-doubt.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, and I do. College, for me, is all about art and building the kind of career I have dreamed of. I have no interest in girls, and that won’t change whether we are in a relationship or not. The only woman for me is you.” She knocks back a large mouthful of her wine while I close the distance she created. I place my hands on her hips. “How about this? We agree to see each other from now until I graduate, and then we can talk about the future?” I won’t change my mind, but I think I need to ease Kendall into this. Her self-confidence has been dealt a blow by her cheating ex, and she can’t comprehend the depth of my feelings for her.
I have just under six months to prove to her I’m sincere and to convince her she belongs with me.
Challenge accepted.
31
KENDALL
I rap on Vander’s door, four nights after Christmas, trying not to fidget, but my rapidly beating heart is making it difficult to concentrate on anything but him—the man who has stolen my heart and all sense of reason along with it. I have reached a decision about us, and it’s a big step for me. I know that after tonight everything will change, and I’m incredibly nervous. More than I was the first time I had sex with Curtis and on my wedding day.
Not sure what that says about me.
“Where is your key?” Vander asks when he swings the door open.
“In my bag,” I admit as he pulls me inside, closes and locks the door, and immediately folds me into his warm protective arms.
“What’s it doing there?” His voice is muffled as he buries his face in my hair. “I gave it to you so you could come and go as you please.”
I lift my head to peer up at him. I haven’t seen him since Christmas day when he joined West, Stella, Ridge, and me for dinner. Curtis had begged me to let him share the day with us, but I refused. West is still not speaking to him, Stella has the bare minimum to do with her father, and although Ridge wanted him there, it’s best he gets used to the new arrangement that will see us splitting up the holidays and spending time separately with the kids.
Vander stares at me expectantly, awaiting a response.
“We haven’t resolved anything yet, and I didn’t want to be presumptuous.” We had a big heart-to-heart the Saturday before Christmas, and I left his apartment that night having given both of us a lot to think about.
“You know how I feel about you, and it won’t change. The key is as much symbolic as it is practical,” he says, pulling me over to the couch. The place is toasty warm, and he has a bottle of champagne resting in an ice bucket on the table along with two flutes and a bowl of chocolate strawberries.
“What’s all this?” I ask, unbuttoning my coat.
“A celebration to mark the beginning of us.” He smirks as I reach the last button on my coat. “How’s that for presumptuous?”
I laugh as I slip the coat off my shoulders and hand it to him.
“Holy fuck.” His eyes are out on stalks as his gaze roams me from head to toe, drinking in my fitted, lacy, strapless, black dress, sheer pantyhose, and skyscraper stilettos. He tosses my coat on the end of the leather sectional and reels me into his arms. “You are so fucking sexy,” he murmurs, lowering his mouth to my neck. “Stay the night, Kendall. Let me make you mine.”
I close my eyes as he plants a slew of drugging kisses up and down my neck. Shivers dance over my skin, and my legs almost buckle. His touch does the most amazing things to me. His hands mold against my ass as he pulls me in flush against the hard length of his erection. Even if I hadn’t decided to give his six-month proposal a go, I would be hard-pressed to deny him anything right now. Pun intended. He turns me on like you wouldn’t believe, and I’m like a dog in heat. It’s so embarrassing, but it’s the truth. “Okay,” I whisper, and he stalls, lifting his head and gaping at me with shock splayed across his face.
“Okay?” Excitement blends with hope in his eyes.
“I’m tired of fighting my feelings for you,” I admit, taking his hand and pulling him down onto the couch with me. “I want to give the six months a try, but I can’t promise anything after that, Vander.” He vigorously nods his head, still looking shell-shocked, like he can’t believe I agreed. “And we’ve got to keep this between us. It means we can only meet here. We can’t risk going out in public. If you want to do this, it has to be on those terms.”
“I will take you however I can get you,” he says, sounding dazed. “Holy shit, Kendall.” He reels me into a huge hug. “I didn’t think you’d agree.”
“I almost didn’t,” I truthfully admit as we ease back with our arms still loosely in an embrace.
“What changed your mind?”
“June.”
He raises a brow, urging me to continue.
“I spoke to her the day after Christmas. I needed to confide in someone.”
“I thought you would’ve gone to Viola.”
“I don’t think Viola would understand.” I run my fingers through the five-o’clock shadow on his jawline, loving the tingly feel of his bristle against my skin.
“You already knew what you were going to do.” He palms one side of my face.
Slowly, I nod, not surprised he gets it. Vander has a high level of emotional intelligence. “I just wanted someone to tell me it was okay to take something for myself.”
“Remind me to thank June when I see her next.”
“For someone who doesn’t like cock, she sure was excited for me.” I giggle as I recall our conversation. “I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth when she was dancing around the room, screaming and shouting and telling me to go for it.” I hold back on telling him exactly what she said. It made me blush, and it would only stroke Vander’s ego.
June is into women and happily engaged to her fiancée, Carly, but she didn’t hold back in her gushing about Vander. It seems I’m not the only older woman who has noticed how hot he is.
“I knew I liked her for a reason.” Vander scoops me up and deposits me on his lap until I’m straddling him. My short dress rides up my thighs, and I’m flashing a lot of skin. His eyes darken, and a shudder works its way through me. My new panties are already wet, and he hasn’t even touched me.
Adrenaline courses through my veins, comingling with trepidation. “I’m scared,” I admit, placing my hands on his shoulders.
“Scared of what, baby?” He rubs his nose up and down my neck as his hands land low on my back. “You know I’ll take care of you.”
“Scared of everything.” I want to say this last piece and then move forward with my decision. “Scared my kids will hate me if they find out. Scared of ruining your life when you have your entire future ahead of you. Scared of losing you when you discover I’m not everything you make me out to be.” I toy with the hairs on the nape of his neck. “Scared of loving you so much I forget myself all over again.” Scared of getting naked with a guy who looks as perfect as you do, knowing I won’t compare to the girls who have come before. I hold the thought back because that insecurity is best left unspoken.