“It wouldn’t be worth the risk unless there was something to lose, and it’s completely understandable to be scared.” He lifts my hand, pressing a soft kiss to the underside of my wrist. “I’m scared of getting everything my heart desires and not being able to hold on to it.”
“It’s not too late to back out,” I say, hating how those words feel like a dagger slicing through my heart. I am already so invested in him. Deep down, I’ve been denying how I feel, hiding behind all the obstacles and clinging to them instead of facing my reality. I am already half in love with Vander, and I don’t think it will take long to give him the rest of my heart.
“We both know it is.” He brushes a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. “There is nothing you or I could do to fight this. We are meant to be.” He kisses the other corner of my mouth.
“I’m so selfish,” I whisper. “I used to think I was a good mom, but a good mom doesn’t sneak around with her son’s best friend behind his back, especially knowing the risks.”
“Your being with me doesn’t make you a bad mom, Kendall. There is nothing wrong with taking happiness for yourself.” His lips glide briefly against mine, and a contented whimper flies from my mouth. “This feels good, feels right, because you and I were written in the stars, babe.” He wraps me up in a huge hug with his face buried against my chest. “Don’t feel guilty for being with me when it was always our destiny.” His warm breath ghosts over the exposed skin of my cleavage, hardening my nipples to sharp points.
“I will try,” I truthfully say because it’s not like this guilt is going to evaporate in a puff of air.
“I can’t deal with uncertainty.” He pulls back and stares up at me. “If you are giving me six months, I need you to fully commit to it, Kendall. Anything less will only mess with my head.”
“I’m committing to you,” I say without hesitation. “That won’t change. I’m just explaining I will have periods where I have doubts and I’m consumed with self-loathing and guilt. You need to prepare yourself for that.”
“We can work through it as long as we are together.”
“Let’s do this then,” I say, leaning down to kiss him. “Let’s be wild and reckless together.”
32
KENDALL
Vander immediately takes control of the kiss, angling his head and gorging on my mouth with urgent, impatient lips. We devour one another, and I groan when his tongue slips between my lips, exploring the inside of my mouth. His hands clamp down on my ass, and I slide down his body until my dress has ridden to my upper thighs and I’m sitting directly on top of his erection.
I don’t know who moves first, but it heats up fast. We are frantically thrusting against one another in a desperate quest to get closer, and it’s still not enough. Grabbing fistfuls of his hair, I rock my hips against the bulge straining beneath his sweatpants, grinding myself along his hard length as every nerve ending in my body comes alive. He bites down on my lower lip, before soothing it with his tongue, while his fingers creep under the hem of my dress from behind. I moan into his mouth as he kneads my ass through my flimsy lace panties. Liquid lust gushes from my core as his fingers brush against my bare flesh, and I’m about ready to erupt from my skin.
My nipples ache behind my dress as I thrust my body against his while he eats my mouth with a savagery I love. “Wrap your legs around my waist and hold on tight,” he demands when he pauses to draw a breath. I do as I’m told, clinging to him as he stands and walks toward the bed tucked into the alcove just inside the window. He continues kissing me, and it helps to steady my nerves.
Very carefully, he lowers me to the center of the bed on my back before climbing over me. Keeping himself propped up by his elbows, he peers into my eyes, his expression serious and full of longing. “Please tell me you want this.” He traces the tip of his finger across my collarbone, eliciting a rake of fiery shivers along my skin.
“I want this,” I say in a husky voice. “But I’m nervous.” He’s used to nubile, flawless bodies, and that’s not me. I know I’m in good shape for my age, and I’m not immune to the way men look at me, but I’m no pretty young thing with a bag of sexual tricks up her sleeve.
“Don’t be nervous. I will take good care of you.” He kisses me softly, which is at huge odds with how he was devouring me on the couch. “I know how to make it good for you, but I won’t lie. I’m primed to explode, and I can’t be gentle the first time. I need to fuck you, Kendall. I need to fuck you hard so your body understands you’re mine now.”
Jesus Christ. I truly am out of my depth with him, but I’m looking forward to getting schooled. “I want you to fuck me hard. Don’t hold back, Vander. Give it all to me.”
My words ignite something inside both of us, and it’s like a race to strip out of our clothing.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says when we are down to our underwear. “Sexy too,” he adds, skimming his fingers over the front of my lacy, strapless, black bra. He lowers his head and trails his lips along the swells of my B-cup breasts as his hands roam freely over the bare skin of my stomach. I flinch a little when his fingers ghost over my stretchmarks, and he notices because he bends his head, dropping feather-soft kisses along the puckered skin, making me feel cherished and helping to settle my nerves. “You’re perfect,” he murmurs, licking a line across my lower belly as he eyeballs me. “Never believe anything less.”
Every drag of his tongue has my core pulsing with need, and I run my fingers over his shoulders, exploring the toned muscles of his back as he worships my body with a reverence that I’m unused to. He moves back up my body, planting a passionate kiss on my lips, and I practically melt into the bed. Reaching around, he unclips my bra as he stares deep into my eyes. “I love you.” He flings the bra aside, exposing my bare breasts to him for the first time. I have to fight the urge to cover myself, and I’m sure he can see how I’m trembling.
Lying on his side, he trails his fingers up my body as his eyes fixate on my chest, and he drinks his fill. “Don’t be nervous. You’re so fucking gorgeous.” He cups one of my breasts. Lowering his mouth to my other breast, he flicks his tongue over the hard peak of my nipple. “These are perfect.” He lavishes attention on both breasts with his mouth and his fingers, alternating between them until I’m a writhing mess on the bed. Every time he sucks on my nipple or squeezes my flesh, I feel it down below, and my panties are drenched, such is my need for him.
I’m close to coming before he’s even touched my pussy. His hard-on is hot and heavy through his boxers against my leg as he diverts his attention from my chest and moves lower. He leaves a fiery path in his wake as he kisses and caresses his way down my body until his mouth is hovering over my lace-covered mound.
Pushing my legs apart, he repositions himself in between my thighs and dips his head until he’s eye level with my vagina. I’m on fire. Panting and sweating and tingling with need. All lingering trace of nerves evaporates when he presses his mouth over my core and looks up at me. “It’s time to feast on my pussy,” he purrs, lifting my ass with both hands as he tugs on my panties with his teeth. Losing patience quickly, he drops my ass and rips my panties on either side, shoving the scraps of lace aside as he lowers his mouth to my crotch and dives in.