She crinkled her nose. “Why did you do it?”
“Because…it can be pleasurable with the right person.”
“It sounds horrible to me—like it hurts.” Kiki cringed. “I’m never gonna do it.”
“You don’t need to think about it for a very long time.”
I could only hope that when Kiki was my age, she handled such matters better than I had.
• • •
The following Saturday, Shala’s husband offered to take care of the kids so she could get out for a night. She’d asked if I wanted to meet her at one of the bars in Meadowbrook Center. I’d spent enough time lamenting the self-inflicted end to my “friendship” with Troy, so I figured a night out would do me some good. A distraction was much needed.
As expected, the Kaleidoscope Lounge was packed when I stepped inside. There weren’t a ton of options in Meadowbrook, but the few bars we had were all modern and popular.
Shala had her purse on a stool next to her to hold the seat for me until I arrived. A band was setting up in the corner as the singer tested the mic.
She lifted her glass. “I’m already on my second drink. Is that bad?”
“No. That’s why we both got Ubers, right? And you totally deserve to get drunk tonight, mama.”
I ordered a glass of red wine, pretty much the only alcohol I allowed myself since I could justify the resveratrol as a health benefit.
“How’s Kiki doing with the whole period thing?” she asked.
“She’s handling it okay.”
“I’m so glad. I suppose I’m fortunate to have boys in that respect.”
“See? I couldn’t imagine dealing with a boy. I think we’re comfortable with what we know.”
“You’re amazing for doing what you do for her.”
I shrugged. “It’s not that commendable. Anyone would have done it for their sister.”
“I beg to differ. Some people would’ve taken off and let their parents handle it all. I know that’s what my selfish siblings would have done. You didn’t have to do what you did.”
I’d never looked at it that way, especially since I took some of the blame for my sister’s death. But even if things were different, I couldn’t imagine leaving Meadowbrook and Kiki behind.
After a few minutes, the wine started to hit me, and I felt relaxed for the first time in a while.
Three glasses and nearly two hours later, the feeling of euphoria was even better. That, unfortunately, came to an abrupt end the moment I spotted him. My stomach dipped.
Troy Serrano.
He was at a table across the bar, sipping on a bottle of beer and laughing as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
My heart began to race. Why? He looked so damn good. His hair was damp and slicked back off his face. And the white sweater he wore accentuated his tanned skin and clung to his pecs perfectly. There was no denying how beautiful he was. I just wished I didn’t have to bear witness to it tonight when I was trying to forget about him. Why he’d chosen not to venture to Trenton or Philly instead of staying in Meadowbrook, I didn’t understand. Shala and I only came here so she’d be close to home. She wanted the option to head back quickly if she needed to.
Damn it.
Troy hadn’t noticed me yet. He seemed surrounded by both men and women. I couldn’t tell who he was here with or who he’d just happened to meet. The inability to distinguish drove me crazy.
I wondered if I should make up an excuse and leave so I didn’t have to deal with this.
“Are you okay?” Shala asked.
It was no wonder she’d figured something out, considering how long I’d been staring over in Troy’s direction.
“Yeah. I just noticed that Troy is here.”
She turned around to get a look at him. “Oh wow. Yeah. Is that a bad thing?”
“Can we switch seats so I’m not facing him?” I asked.
That was cowardly. But the only way I could continue to relax tonight was if he didn’t notice me.
Shala narrowed her eyes in confusion but complied. “Sure.”
Once my back was to him, I felt a little better, albeit still preoccupied with the fact that he was just across the room. Of all places, why did he have to be here tonight?
“Everything okay with you and him?” Shala asked.
“We don’t really interact anymore after I stopped chaperoning the outings.”
“I never asked you about the day I saw you in the parking lot. Things seemed tense. Something tells me there’s more to the story here.”
I took a long sip of my wine and set the glass down. “There is. But I’d prefer not to get into it right now.”
The conversation temporarily moved off of Troy until I noticed him at a new table, diagonally across from me. He’d moved! And now I was facing him. So much for switching seats. I wasn’t about to play musical chairs, either. Poor Shala would think I was nuts.
This time, Troy was alone with a woman, and the other people were nowhere in sight. They were chatting away, and unfortunately I now had a front-row seat to it all. It was still unclear to me whether this was someone he’d just met or whether he’d planned to meet her here.
“What’s wrong?” Shala asked.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. Troy just moved seats, so he’s facing me again. He’s sitting over there with some girl. And I’m a little distracted.” Downing the last of my wine, I slammed the glass on the table. “I’m the worst person to be out with tonight.”
“No worries. I’m actually finding it amusing.” She turned around to look at Troy and the girl, and when she faced me again, she examined my face. “You’re turning red as a beet, Aspyn.” She chuckled. “You have it bad, don’t you?”
Her words were humiliating. Mostly because they were true.
I wiped my forehead with a napkin. “I’m sorry. I think I’m losing my mind.” I cleared my throat. “There’s no doubt he has an effect on me, but I wish that weren’t the case.”
“Please don’t apologize. You’re human. He’s a very attractive man, and clearly you two were getting on pretty well for a while there.”
“Nothing happened between us.” I felt the need to clarify. “But it felt like things were starting to cross a line, and I told him I thought it was best if we didn’t hang out anymore. That’s not what he wanted. It’s not really what I wanted either, if I’m being honest. But I thought it was the right thing to do. Seeing him here tonight is getting under my skin a little.”
She nodded. “You like him.”
“I don’t want to like him, Shala. He was such a dick in high school. It hasn’t been easy for me to accept that he’s changed. But I do think he has. Even so, he’s still not right for me. What I’m feeling is just an intense, mostly physical attraction to someone who’s all wrong. He’s my friend’s ex, on top of everything. He doesn’t even live here. And he doesn’t want to settle in Meadowbrook. There are so many reasons to stay far away.”
She smiled knowingly. “But you haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Sounds like you’re using every excuse in the book to justify your decision. But feelings don’t lie, Aspyn. You tried to write him off, but he’s still in your head.”