“Your brother would think it meant something is wrong with us.”
I turned, looked at him. “Are you jealous?”
“Ew, no. I’m not jealous of anyone.”
He was fucking jealous. I could see it in his eyes. “He’s my brother, Jayden.” I hadn’t expected his trust issues to be a problem with Isaac. But then, Isaac was so electric, how could anyone not feel the heat of him?
Jayden kissed my neck and pulled away. “I’m going to get some work done.”
“I thought you were tired.”
“Kind of. I just…I’m not really into board games.” Jayden stripped out of his clothes and climbed into bed with his laptop. I lay beside him, on my phone, fingers itching to draw, to paint, feet begging to get out of bed and go upstairs to see if Isaac was there. To ask him if I could draw him so I could get him to talk to me and let me apologize to him again. He’d know I’d want to go up there, and he’d likely be there waiting, bitching that I wanted to use him for my muse, while he let me explain myself. Because no matter how hurt he was, Isaac would sit for me. He always did.
Jayden literally worked for two hours. Then did his nighttime skin-care routine. It was after three when he fell asleep, but I still couldn’t go. He’d be annoyed when he woke, but I was still jittery, bits and pieces of what happened today flooding my mind, trying to form a mosaic in my head. Art was the only way to clear it.
Finally, I let myself sneak out. I shouldn’t have to feel bad about working at night. Our parents’ room was downstairs, so I didn’t worry about them seeing anyway. Isaac always heard when I went past his room to go upstairs, which was right above where he slept. I took the attic stairs, but the lights were off.
Isaac didn’t come up.
I stayed until six, wishing I could draw my brother and tell him how much I missed him, but for the first time, he didn’t come to my studio.
When I woke up in the morning and went downstairs, Dad told me Isaac had some work emergency and had gone back to Atlanta.
CHAPTER SIX
Isaac
I was a coward, and while I was pissed about that fact, it was much safer at home in Atlanta, where my brother wasn’t in the next room, sleeping with his douchebag boyfriend, who unfortunately didn’t choke on a chicken bone. I hadn’t thought of a suitable defense for stabbing him.
So I got on an app and got a blowjob from this guy who loved nothing more than getting on his knees for someone…but it hadn’t helped, goddamn it. Since when did sex not cure my mood?
Every single time it had to do with Lane.
The bastard.
I wished I hated him.
Or that I wasn’t inappropriately in love with him. Either of those options would work, but the second would be much more conducive to the happy family life our parents wanted for us.
I was determined to get back to my normal life. I had no idea how long Lane and fuckface would be in town, so I got back into my routine of work and life.
I went jogging with my friend Hutch. Though he’d only met Lane once, Hutch knew a lot about him. I’d told him some of our stories from childhood when he’d shared some about his sister, Maddy, who’d fought cancer twice. He knew Lane was a painter and how proud I was of him because I really was a kick-ass brother who made sure everyone knew how amazing Lane was. But Hutch, being privy to only those bits and pieces of my life I’d wanted to share, didn’t know I’d pulled away from Lane over the years. Hutch was the same in that respect—I didn’t get the full picture when it came to him.
We all had our secrets.
Hutch and I began to stretch. I toyed with the idea of telling him some about Lane, that he was there with a man and I felt some kind of way about it. But how could I make him understand without telling him I wanted to bone my own brother? He’s not my real brother, he’s not my real brother, he’s not my real brother. I couldn’t say how many times I’d told myself that over the years.
So instead I asked, “What have you been up to today?”
“Not much,” Hutch replied. “You?”
“Same ole, same ole.” But my brother is here, and I’m in love with him, and do you know any way to kill a man and get away with it? Because Jayden is on my list.
Things were really shitty when the one person you’d ever felt comfortable talking to was the one who had you tied in knots.
Lane was the only person I shared with.
Lane could never know this.
So I kept it to myself.
“Yeah, I hear you. Same here. How’s your brother doing?”
Sometimes I truly believed the universe hated me. Because of course Hutch would randomly ask about Lane when I was freaking the fuck out. “Stepbrother,” I found myself replying, which I’d never done before. I didn’t make a point of drawing attention to the fact that we weren’t really related…which might come off as weird, so I added, “Lane’s okay,” before standing. “We gonna jog or what, old man?”
“I’m not much older than you,” Hutch replied. It was the perfect change of subject as we teased each other and went on our run.
When we were done, Hutch invited me over for dinner, but I declined, babbling about going out and getting laid. And I really needed that to start helping in the whole forget-about-Lane department.
I kept myself busy for the rest of the week, trying not to think about Lane and fuckface. Friday night I got a text from one of the guys I hooked up with, but I wasn’t in the mood, which pissed me off even more. Now that I wasn’t having sex because I was such a mopey bastard, I just ended up jacking off, but at least I was having sex with someone, even if it was myself.
My phone rang early Saturday morning. I was awake but still in bed, so I rolled over and plucked it off the nightstand to see Lane’s name and the photo of us together at our high school graduation. We had our arms around each other, wide smiles on our faces, but he was looking toward me, while I eyed the camera.
He looked…happy, like I made him happy, which was the most ridiculous fucking thing in the world. I’d have liked to bleach my brain of all these thoughts, but I couldn’t seem to do it.
When I didn’t answer, he immediately called again. With a sigh, I took the call. “I was sleeping.”
“No you weren’t. You’re pissed at me and being a spoiled brat about it.”
Well, shit. Sometimes it sucked that he knew me better than anyone else. “I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”
“Isaac.”
“Lane.”
He was quiet for a moment, so I sat back and waited for him to speak again. “What happened to us? I don’t understand.”
I closed my eyes, my chest tightening, a fist squeezing around my heart. Jesus, everything was so fucked up. If I could just find a way to get over this shit that I shouldn’t feel in the first place… It was torture. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to fall in love, but then, it likely wouldn’t be so bad if I’d fallen for someone else.
“We’re fine,” I finally managed to say. “We’ve grown up, so our relationship has changed, is all. Why are you calling?”
Lane huffed. “Why are you calling? Oh yeah, we’re definitely fine. Jayden and I are heading back to the city tomorrow. I was hoping you’d come this evening and spend some time with me, since you ran off last weekend for whatever reason.”