“No. Just . . . please stay there for a minute,” I said, pushing my hands out as if I could ward him off with such a simple gesture.
Auguste stopped walking, but I could see the confusion in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I moved a few paces into the alcove, but that was as close as I could get to Auguste. A distance between us needed to be maintained. This wasn’t going to work otherwise, not when all I wanted to do was dive into his arms and never let go.
“Did you hear about the banishments today?” I asked.
“I did, yes.”
“Both girls were friends of a friend. I didn’t know them well, but my friend Diane adored them.”
“I’m so sorry. That’s terrible.”
“A horde of people watched Mathilde crying in the Place d’Armes as her father was dragged from the palace by guards. Do you know why she was banished?”
“No,” he said, his eyebrows raised. “I’ve been with my tutor all day.”
“She was banished because she was having an affair with another noble.”
Auguste’s face fell, and he came closer to put his arms around me, and this time, I didn’t push him away. “I will talk to my father. I will tell him about us. I will tell him everything.”
His words shocked me. I pulled away from his embrace. “No! You can’t! You have no idea what he would do! I can’t let you risk that!” I shook my head. “We can’t see each other anymore. This has to end. For our safety. I’m sorry.”
Auguste looked at me as if I were tearing his heart from his chest, the depth of feeling in his eyes nearly overwhelming. He was stooped low but was still so much taller than me. He made me feel so special. So wanted. When he held me in his arms, I felt safe, like the ills of the world couldn’t touch me. But that was an illusion. A lovely illusion, but an illusion all the same. Auguste needed to know the truth. The entire truth. Maybe then he would realize why our relationship had to come to an end.
“Sit with me, please. I need to tell you something,” I said, guiding Auguste toward the marble bench.
Barely an inch of space separated our bodies as we sat, arms and thighs pressed together and hands still entwined. It might have been selfish, but if this was the last bit of contact we were going to have, I was going to take full advantage of it.
“When we met in the stables, I told you my stepmother was unkind, but that I could handle it. Then I changed the subject. Because you were right—I didn’t want to talk about it then.”
Auguste was stroking my palm, the gentle touches calming my nerves. I’d never experienced such affection before. The thought of giving it up was unbearable. “You can tell me anything,” he said. “I’ll listen.”
The dam in my chest burst, allowing the words to pour out. There was no stopping them.
“The truth is my stepmother is very cruel. As soon as my father was buried, she made me her servant, forced me to wait on her and my stepsisters hand and foot. My friend Elodie is a seamstress and was trapped with me in Lady Catherine’s château. And Marius—an orphan boy we took in who is like my brother—was sent away. Now he works on a farm where he is beaten. I had no family other than Papa and no money or possessions that weren’t Lady Catherine’s. I had nowhere to go and no choice but to do what she wanted. I thought that Lady Françoise would be able to save me, and she promised that she would, but—”
My voice hitched. My godmother’s passing was too recent to talk about without getting emotional. Auguste let go of my hands, nearly sending me into a panic, but he instead wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tugged me against his chest. Gratefully, I leaned into his warmth and shut my eyes.
“You’re taking part in the competition in order to escape your stepmother?” Auguste asked quietly.
I nodded. The silk of his justaucorps was soft against my cheek. If only we could stay like this always.
“I didn’t have a choice. But I thought I could live with it, until . . .”
“Until?”
“Until I saw you again,” I said. “But it can’t be, Auguste. Your father and your brother are too powerful. It would hurt Louis’s pride too much, and who knows what they would do to you, to us.”
Auguste tightened his hold on me and said, “I am the king’s son too. My brother may be the dauphin, but that does not mean the king doesn’t love me. I know we can find a way. I can’t lose you again.”
I wished I could believe him, but I had lived in France for too long. The king’s word was law, and nobles who fell out of favor were soon reduced to peasants, if not worse. “Your brother could have both our heads if he found out about us. I don’t know about you, but I would very much like to keep my head, and I prefer yours exactly where it is.”
“I would never allow it. You won’t be beheaded. Don’t even say that. And my father may not recognize me as his legitimate son, but he wouldn’t have me executed. Punished, yes, but not executed.”
“You can’t know that for certain. Mathilde’s punishment was banishment for herself and her entire family. What would my punishment be for having an affair with the dauphin’s brother? If Louis found out, do you think he’d just smile and give us his blessing? If you truly believe his reaction would be thus, I would be more than happy for you to court me publicly.”
Auguste brushed a soft kiss against the crown of my head. “My brother would give his blessing because he would have no choice. I would protect you.”
I pulled back to look him in the eyes and said, “I know you would want to.”
“But you don’t believe I can.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, but I need you to come to terms with what is happening. It’s too dangerous for us to be together right now. We’ve been reckless, and all over a foolish dream. This has to be our goodbye.”
“No, I can’t say goodbye to you.” Auguste tenderly kissed the corner of my mouth.
“You have to,” I whispered.
But turning my head slightly, I met Auguste’s lips with mine. He groaned low in his throat at the contact. The sound sent a thrill racing through my body. I burned to bury my fingers in his hair, to sink deeper into his embrace. The taste of honey flooded my mouth. I wanted—no, I needed—this one final kiss. I would remember this forever, as it was the last kiss we would share.
After, Auguste cradled my head in his hands and kissed my forehead like a blessing. “I know you don’t believe me. But I promise I will find a way for us to be together.”
“There isn’t one. I made the decision to enter the competition, and now I have to see it through to the end, wherever that takes me.”