But I still had a choice.
I could still make my voice heard.
The dauphin of France had chosen twenty-five girls to court him, but I had never chosen him to be my future husband, and I think, no matter what, that mattered. I wanted to be happy, and maybe Auguste was right. Maybe we would find a way to be together.
One day.
But I would never know if I didn’t speak up for me, for us, for my happiness and my future.
“I’m sorry, Monseigneur,” I said, backing away as Louis moved closer. “I cannot accept.”
“Cendrillon!” I heard Auguste cry out as I turned and fled from the Hall of Mirrors.
Chapter Thirty-Six
I was sobbing when I walked through the door of Lady Catherine’s château. Stumbling through the hallways, I managed to make it to the sitting room, collapsing into Papa’s old armchair and allowing my tears to soak into the fabric as I struggled to catch my breath. I wanted Maman and Papa and Marraine here to tell me that I’d made the right decision, because nothing was ever going to be the same again.
I could never go back to court. My reputation was ruined. The dauphin was no doubt furious at me for the embarrassment I’d caused him. I’d been so close to becoming the dauphine, and I willingly hurled the proposal back at him. But it had to be done. I couldn’t marry someone that I didn’t love, not when I was in love with that someone’s brother.
“You’re certainly making a name for yourself as the girl who bolts from palaces with royalty hot on her heels.”
I jerked upright at the intrusion. Through the blurry film of tears, I saw Lady Catherine standing in the doorway. She looked predictably lovely in a red silk dress with roses embroidered on the bodice and underskirt, her silver-blond hair tied back in a simple chignon. Amongst all the commotion of running away from the palace, I hadn’t thought about my Lady Catherine situation. And now she was here, and I was trapped with her once again.
“Goodness, ma chérie, you look an absolute mess. Stay there,” she said, disappearing in a cloud of rose perfume.
Before I had finished debating whether or not I should get up and run, Lady Catherine reappeared with two cups of tea in her hand. She handed me one, and the warmth of the cup was wonderfully soothing to my chilly hands.
“Drink up, Cendrillon. It will fortify you,” she said as she took a seat in the chair across from me.
My stepmother took a sip from her own cup. “I just got back from the palace. Severine told me what happened. Why did you refuse the dauphin’s proposal?”
“Why do you care?” I asked, the words leaving my mouth before I could stop them. “I would think that this outcome would please you. It means that Severine and Alexandre still have a chance.”
“I’m your stepmother. Of course I care. But I know I haven’t been the kind of mother that you needed, the kind you deserved.”
This was not the reaction I was expecting from Lady Catherine. “I’m not sure I believe you. You never had a problem causing me pain before. What’s changed now?” I asked, deciding to remain bold.
Lady Catherine winced. “What’s changed is that I realized how abominable my treatment of you has been. And I want to apologize to you for that.”
“You want to apologize? To me?”
“Of course. I almost lost you to the dauphin, never to see you again, and I realized that I was never going to be able to make amends for the harm I caused you if I didn’t act now. Seeing you become more independent and take your first steps away from the château opened my eyes to many things.”
I was so taken aback that I needed something to drink. I raised the cup to my lips and took a sip. The tea was sickeningly sweet and quite awful, the sugar doing very little to hide the bitterness of the leaves.
“I was very young when my first husband died, leaving me to care for two young girls alone. I had to struggle to manage myself, my daughters, and my home. For so many years, I thought that I would never find love again. But then I met your father. Michel swept me off my feet. It was love at first sight. He was so strong, so caring. The man of my dreams. Then he died. And I was alone again.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, Lady Catherine pulled a handkerchief out of her bag and began dabbing at her eyes. The only other time I’d ever seen her cry was at Papa’s funeral, and that had been theatrical, attention-grabbing keening. I’d never known how much of that was real and how much was performance. I still didn’t know, but that didn’t stop me from feeling slightly bad for her. Her life before Papa was something I had never considered before. Maybe she, Alexandre, and Severine had struggled more than I realized. That would explain some of their behavior.
Sitting forward in her chair and staring intently at me, Lady Catherine said, “You are so much like your father, Cendrillon. Strong, capable, hardworking. I was lost after Michel died, and there you were, holding it together while I was falling apart. It was easy to rely on you to take care of day-to-day tasks at the château, because you were so good at it. But I am the adult and you are the child. I should have taken care of you instead of relying on you so much. For that, I am sorry.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This had to be a dream.
“Cendrillon, can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?” Lady Catherine asked. “I know I don’t deserve it. My behavior toward you has been reprehensible, but I want to make it up to you. I’ve ruined the mother-daughter relationship we could have had, but I want us to be friends at least. Do you think that could happen one day?”
I looked at my stepmother, handkerchief clasped in her hands, cheeks wet with tears, and I didn’t know what to do. In my wildest dreams I never would have thought to hear an apology come out of her mouth. And I never would have thought I would be considering accepting the apology.
I didn’t know what to do or what to feel. Instead, I decided to pick up the cup of tea again and slowly drink the rest, ignoring the sticky sweetness coating my tongue. At least then I had something to hold.
Because holding on to all this anger and resentment wasn’t good for me. My stepfamily was the only family I had left. And now that I’d ruined my reputation at court, I would need the support that an atoned Lady Catherine could give me. And Papa wouldn’t want me to let this anger fester. He was always willing to forgive.
“I could forgive you. One day. It might take a while, but I would like to try to forgive you.”
It was all I could muster at the moment, but Lady Catherine didn’t seem to mind, her face lighting up as she beamed at me.
“I’m so happy, Cendrillon! Rest assured, I don’t expect anything right away. It’s enough to know that you want to forgive me. I’ll do everything in my power to prove to you that you’re not making a mistake. Would it be too presumptuous of me to ask for a hug?”