We continued to just stare at each other.
I needed to break the tension. “Maybe we can discuss this all again when you can dress yourself?”
He smiled and then winced.
“I’m so sorry.” And without trying to second guess myself, I did what I wanted to do. I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek where there miraculously weren’t any stitches or bruises. “Thank you for not leaving me all alone, Miller. Thank you for coming with me. I owe you everything.” I hugged him, trying hard not to put too much pressure anywhere on his body. I couldn’t believe the last few nights he’d held me in his arms as I fell asleep. That must have been incredibly painful for him.
“I’m just doing my job,” he said.
“We both know that isn’t true. Pretending to die and take care of a member of the family was definitely not in your hiring agreement.”
“It certainly was in the contract I signed. Mr. Pruitt’s contracts are very thorough.”
“Well, either way, bringing said member of the family ice cream wasn’t in it.” I took a step back from him before I did something awkward and kissed his cheek again.
“And it’s melting. Come on, back to bed with you.” He hit the lights.
I was happy he turned them off again because looking at him made me want to cry. And not just because of the damage to his face. But because I could see that his feelings for me hadn’t changed. He still looked at me the same way he did when I crawled in his bed back at my dad’s apartment. Before I chose Matt. Before Matt chose me back. My ring was gone, but that didn’t make me feel any less engaged.
And when Miller looked at me like that? Like he wanted me to touch him? I was worried that maybe a little piece of me wanted that too.
Chapter 12
Wednesday
“Your wish came true,” Evil Nurse said.
I was busy staring at the ceiling so I didn’t bother turning toward her. She had no idea what I was wishing each night when I went to bed. I was wishing my heart would stop aching. Because I was thinking about Matt even though Miller was the one holding me. Or maybe I was thinking a little too much about Miller. Which wasn’t fair. No, Matt hadn’t come to rescue me like I’d hoped. But how could he? He thought I was dead.
“Are you not even going to take the phone?” she asked.
I finally turned toward her. She was holding a cell phone out to me. I immediately sat up in bed and tried to grab it.
She pulled away at the last second.
What kind of cruel joke was this?
“Your father is on the line. You will take his call and then hand the phone back. Do we understand each other?”
No. No we did not. I was most definitely going to try to call Matt. But instead of confessing the truth, I just nodded my head.
She handed the phone over and stood there staring at me, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
A little privacy would have been nice. I pulled the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“How are you feeling, angel?”
So we were back to pretending I’d willingly saved him? Great. “I’m all better. So I was thinking. Since you and Miller both know I’m alive…couldn’t we tell like…two more people? I think Matt and Kennedy deserve to know where I am. They can keep a secret. If you’d just let me explain to them…”
“I’m not calling to negotiate. I’m calling to let you know you’ll be moving to the secure location tomorrow. Miller will be escorting you there. You’ll find everything you need once you arrive. Your virtual classes will start on Monday. Everything is all set up for your new life.”
I swallowed hard. I didn’t want a new life. And even though I didn’t know my father very well, I could tell by his tone that he was serious about not negotiating. “So it’ll just be me and Miller?”
“I’ll visit when I can get away. Don’t worry, angel.”
I tried to think if I could actually do this. Be good and stay put for the rest of the school year. Just until Isabella was off to college. It wasn’t that far away. Six months until she graduated from Empire High. It would keep Miller safe if I just…accepted my fate. But what was Matt doing? Was he falling apart too? It wasn’t right to let him mourn me when I was right here still breathing.
“I can’t do this to Matt. Dad, please. You have to let me speak to Matt. You have to.”
“Once it’s safe…”
“So just until Isabella goes off to college?”
“Or five years or so. We’ll see.”
He’d said that before. But I was hoping he was joking. I could already see six months turning into a year. A year turning into five. And five turning into forever.
I thought about how strong my feelings for Matt were. He felt the same way about me. I knew he did. “What if you tell him he has to move far away with me? If you told him the circumstances, he’d come with me. He’s not just some random guy I was dating. We’re engaged. He loves me.” I’d follow that boy anywhere in the world. He’d follow me too.
“For a young man in mourning, he certainly seemed eager to have the ring back.”
I swallowed hard. “What?”
“The first thing he said to me when he found out you were dead was if he could have it back. Because he still wants to get married one day.”
“You’re lying.”
“Why would I lie about that? He was never good enough for you. I tried to warn you. It’s better for you to know the truth now than to find out years later.”
I shook my head. There were a million reasons why my dad would lie to me. The first of which was that he was trying to control me right now. What better way to control me than to tell me I left no one and nothing behind. That he was the only one who cared about me. Well…fuck that. “I don’t believe you.”
“Do you see the ring on your finger?”
I didn’t bother to look down. I knew what was missing. My hand felt lighter. It bothered me every day. I clenched my hand into a fist. But now it somehow felt heavier too. Like there was some truth in my dad’s words. My whole body suddenly felt heavier. Like the ground was about to collapse beneath me and swallow me whole.
“You’re lying,” I said again. But tears were streaming down my cheeks now. I didn’t want to believe him. It couldn’t possibly be true. He’d put the smallest ounce of doubt there though. And it felt like it was strangling me. “Please, I need to speak with him. Please.”
“I love you. I’ll do everything in my power to protect you. And I’m glad that this is protecting you from that boy. He never would have been worthy of you.”
It wasn’t about being worthy. It wasn’t about worth at all. Matthew Caldwell made me feel…loved. He made me feel whole. He’d promised me forever. I’d promised it back. Matt was my home. My heart. My everything. The tears streamed down my cheeks even faster.
“I’ll visit as soon as I can.”
“Wait. Did…did Matt say anything at my funeral?” My dad said that a funeral for the living was a great way to see who truly cared about you. Surely Matt had said something beautiful. Surely he was as devastated as me right now. He had to be.