“No.” I took a step back from him again. Yes, I’d made promises to Matt. But I’d also promised myself to put those demons to rest. I promised myself to live in the moment. To let my past go. There were tears in my eyes again as I looked up at Miller’s face.
I reached out and gently traced the scar under his eye with my index finger. I stared at the hurt in his eyes. We were an us. It was us against my dad. Us against Isabella. Us against the whole world. I just needed more time. I was trying so hard to live in the present. And being terrified of the future was the exact opposite of that. I’d be ready soon. I would be. Just not yet. I needed just a little more time. “I’m not ready to get married.”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry, Brooklyn. I just…”
“But I want this.”
“What?”
I reached into his pocket and grabbed the ring box. “I want this. I want to be your fiancée. Do it again and this time I won’t mess it up.” I pushed the ring box into his chest.
He laughed. But he didn’t protest at all. He got back down on one knee. “Brooklyn, one day I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. But in the meantime, I’m promising you forever. Will you marry me one day, when you’re ready? Will you be my fiancée?”
“Yes.” This time my tears were happy ones. This felt less scary. This was a promise. But it gave me time.
He slid the ring onto my finger. And even though it was lighter than the one Matt had given me, it felt heavier. More important. More…everything.
This ring meant I was living. It meant I’d found love again. It meant I wasn’t broken.
Miller lifted me in his arms, twirling us around.
I laughed and looked up at the stars, trying hard not to start crying again.
Because as happy as I was…this ring also meant that one day soon I’d be exactly what Matt had called me. I hadn’t given Miller any new firsts yet. But when I walked down the aisle with him? I’d be exactly what Matt called me. His last words to me. Liar.
I closed my eyes and held Miller tight. Because I didn’t care if I was a liar or not. All I cared about was that I was happy. Just like Miller had said. I was happy. Right here right now. With him. I couldn’t imagine being any happier.
He set me down on my feet again and I looked up at the fairy lights. Maybe it was always me and Miller written in the stars. I was supposed to have loved and lost all along in order to find this love. A great love.
“Just tell me when you’re ready,” Miller said as we started swaying to the music again. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.” His lips dropped to my neck.
He was the world’s most patient man. I looped my hand behind his neck, guiding his lips to mine. I kissed him like I’d just said yes to his first proposal. I kissed him like I was ready to marry him. Because in my heart…I was. It was my head that was all messed up.
“I love you,” I whispered against his lips.
“Be careful, Henry over there is getting jealous.” He nodded toward my tomato plant.
I laughed. I could see the reflection of the lights in Miller’s eyes. “I’ll be ready soon.” I searched his face. He looked happy now. The sadness in his eyes gone. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making him as happy as he made me. “I promise,” I said. I didn’t care that I’d be a liar soon. I’d rather lie a million times to Matt than a single time to Miller.
Chapter 39
1 Year Later - Friday
The fall air was crisp, but the sweat dripping down my back made it feel more like summer. I picked up my pace, the leaves crunching under my feet.
“You’re trying to kill me,” Miller said as he jogged beside me. “How many laps have we done?” Despite his complaining, he didn’t even sound out of breath.
I’d figured out that the circumference of the little lake behind our house was a little over a mile. Over the past few years we’d naturally worn down a path around the lake with our runs. The weeds and grass turning into a dirt path that wound around the whole thing. This was one of the reasons I’d bought this property. The house itself was modest, although it had all the nicest features and updates. It was the land I loved.
I smiled over at Miller as he wiped a bead of sweat off his brow. “Four laps.”
“How many are you running today?”
“As many as it takes until my legs are sore.”
He groaned.
“You don’t have to come with me you know.”
He gave me a sideways glance. Because we both know it was better if he did come. A few weeks ago I thought I saw someone watching me in the woods. I’d been so spooked that I’d brought Miller back to the spot I’d seen him. I was worried my father had found us. That one of his men was watching our every move. But no one had been there. Thinking about it still made me shiver.
Ever since that day, I’d been having recurring nightmares of Isabella showing up here. And killing me. I pictured her hands wrapped around my throat. Or her stabbing a knife into my chest. I woke up most nights drenched in sweat, with an image of Isabella’s cruel smile etched into my mind. I tried to push the images out of my head. They plagued my sleep enough. I didn’t need to think about them when I was awake.
We ran in silence.
Miller seemed so comfortable in silence. But whenever he was stoically quiet, it made my mind race. Was he thinking about getting married? I hadn’t brought it up in months. I wanted to be able to say “I do” without a single thought of Matt clouding that day. I wanted to just be happy. I was close. I knew I was. But I’d always regret the day not just being about us if I rushed it. I owed that to Miller. And I’d told him as much.
As we started on our sixth lap, Miller caught me around the waist, almost knocking us both over. But he managed to lift me over his shoulder. “Nope,” he said.
“What are you doing?”
He tossed me into the water.
I screamed at the top of my lungs as the cold water surrounded me.
“There’s plenty more ways to get a good workout,” he said, pulling me close.
“Oh yeah?” I kissed the side of his neck. I loved when Miller’s skin was salty from a good workout. It reminded me of the beach house and the salty smell of the sea air.
But as he slipped inside of me, I remembered just how much better the lake was than the ocean. We had this whole place to ourselves. And could do whatever we wanted wherever we wanted.
I looked over at the edge of the woods and for just a second I thought I saw someone.
Miller groaned as my body tensed.
I blinked and whatever I had seen or hadn’t seen was gone. I closed my eyes tight and held Miller close. My head was playing tricks on me. I was safe. My lips glided across Miller’s sweaty skin. I was happy. The taste of salt made me smile. I was whole.
Miller thrust inside of me harder.
God, I was so fucking whole.
Chapter 40
2 Years Later - Wednesday
I sat up in bed, clutching my throat. Isabella had been right there. Standing over my bed. Her hands wrapped tightly around my neck. I took another deep breath.
It was just a dream.
I tried to take another deep breath, the sweat dripping down the back of my neck.