He hitched my leg up, changing the angle and I moaned.
“God I love that sound.” He moved faster. Thrusting into me harder.
If this was how Miller made love, I couldn’t wait to see what his definition of fucking was. My fingers ran down the muscles of his strong back, pulling him closer.
I was used to him smelling like sunshine and salty water. And before that like some expensive cologne. But I preferred this smell most. He smelled like snowflakes and a wood-burning fire. He smelled like he was mine.
He buried his face between my tits, kissing them the same way he’d kissed my lips. Like he was devouring every inch of me.
All mine.
One of his hands left my waist and his thumb found my clit.
“Miller,” I moaned. “I’m gonna…”
And he squeezed it. Way harder than I thought he would.
My fingers dug into the skin of his back as I started to pulse around him.
“Fuck,” he groaned. He rode out his release with my own. Until we were both still, panting, staring at each other.
But the look on his face wasn’t what I was expecting. He didn’t look sated and relaxed. He looked…devastatingly sad. He slowly pulled out of me.
His eyes searched mine. “Did I hurt you?”
“What? No. That was perfect.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Then why are you crying?”
I reached up and felt the wetness on my cheeks. “I…” I hadn’t realized I had been. “I don’t know. I feel…overwhelmed.”
He lowered his eyebrows.
“In a good way. You’re overwhelming. I feel…amazing.” I turned to the fire burning beside us. “Like I can feel everything more. The fire seems warmer. And the carpet softer.” I turned back to him. “I feel really, overwhelmingly…loved.”
He pulled me closer and I rested my head on his chest.
I listened to his steady heartbeat. It had been a really long time since I’d felt this connected to someone. I traced Miller’s abs with my index finger as I tried to blink away the rest of my tears.
I did feel overwhelmingly loved.
But there was a small piece of me that felt sad. A small piece that I didn’t want to acknowledge. A small piece that I needed to let go of. Matt had taken this first. Not taken. I’d given it to him willingly. But I’d given it to him thinking he’d also be my last.
I closed my eyes and breathed in Miller’s familiar smell. Maybe he was more right than I wanted to admit. Maybe I was still broken. Maybe I’d always be broken.
For the past year I thought my future was Matt. He’d wanted to give me the whole world. But the more distance there was between us, the more I realized he meant his world. And I didn’t want his world. I never had.
I wanted to be snuggled up on a winter’s night in a cozy lake house. I’d meant what I’d said to Miller. It was like I was in mourning for a love I’d lost. A love that was dead. I no longer loved Matt. And I hated that I was thinking about him right now while my limbs were tangled with Miller’s.
I lifted my head and stared down at him. “Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I’m a mess.”
He reached out and lightly brushed my remaining tears away with his thumbs. “You’re worth waiting for, Brooklyn.”
I swallowed hard. Miller had waited for me. Matt hadn’t. And I was pretty sure it was as simple as that. I was choosing to be with a man who thought I was worth waiting for. I’d been searching for love in all the wrong places. When it had been right beside me the whole time.
I ran my fingers down the side of his neck. His skin was softer than I imagined it would be. Everything about him was so much more than I expected. “I’m sorry it took me so long to find my way back to you.”
“I’m just glad you came back.”
I lifted my leg around his waist and moved so that I was straddling him. “Happy New Year’s Eve.”
His hands settled on my hips. “It’s going to be a good year.”
“Oh yeah?” I smiled down at him.
“Yeah.”
I laughed as he flipped us, my back hitting the soft carpet. I just knew that we were going to start the new year with a big bang. Or a whole bunch of bangs. God, I couldn’t wait for him to be inside of me again.
Chapter 36
Wednesday
Miller popped open the bottle of what he claimed was super cheap champagne. But I didn’t care. I just cared that we were drinking it together.
He handed me a mug full of it. Somehow this was even better than a champagne flute. I laughed as he lifted up his mug for a toast.
“To us,” he said. “And to the best year ever.”
I smiled. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” I tapped my mug against his and took a sip. The chill of the champagne made me shiver.
Miller cleared his throat. “I need to show you something. But I need you to promise not to be upset.”
I lowered my mug. “Is it something bad?”
“No. I…well…it’s good. I think. Just come with me.”
That somehow sounded very not good. But I took his hand when he offered me his. He pulled me to my feet and down the hall. He opened one of the spare bedroom doors that I hadn’t cleaned the other day. I expected it to be empty. But it was full of boxes.
“What is all this stuff?” I asked and looked up at him.
Miller dropped my hand and scratched the back of his neck. “Just some of your old things.”
“My things?” What? When he didn’t offer any more information I stepped into the room and opened one of the unmarked boxes.
There were some of the clothes I’d gotten from my dad for Christmas last year. I hadn’t wanted them then. But this year I was actually happy to see them. The warm sweaters and leggings and fuzzy socks were calling to me now. I was still wearing my summery dress and really didn’t have anything weather-appropriate here. Well, until now.
But…why were they here? I looked over my shoulder at Miller. Had he gone back to the beach house? I was happy this stuff was here since we weren’t going to dip into my dad’s money. But…really…why was this stuff here?
Miller looked very guilty.
I swallowed hard. And I was afraid it was so much worse than him going back to the beach house. “You’ve talked to my dad?”
“What? No.” He finally stepped into the room. “Of course not.”
“Then why do you have all this stuff?” I looked around at the other boxes. I opened one and it had some of Miller's nice suits in it. There was even a winter coat. I lifted it up. He was wearing a threadbare jacket to work every day. “What the hell?”
“I went back.”
My heart was racing fast. “Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. So…my dad had called him or something? What the heck was going on?
He stepped farther into the room and took the coat out of my hand. He tossed it back in the box and sighed. “I can’t afford to buy you new clothes right now. I’m working my way up…but I…” his voice trailed off. “I don’t want you to be cold.”
“That does not answer my question. Did you go back to talk to my dad?”