He squatted down beside me. “What exactly am I looking at?”
“A future tomato.” I gently touched the side of the little green circle. “We can make a lasagna with fresh tomatoes from the garden in a few weeks.”
“How much do you want to bet?”
I lightly shoved his shoulder. “Don’t talk to him like that. He needs support in order to grow.” I started humming to my plant.
“You’ve completely lost it, kid.”
“They like music.”
“We’ve been over this. I’m pretty sure that’s houseplants.”
“Definitely not. It’s all plants.” I think. Honestly I wasn’t even sure anymore. We’d had this discussion several times and I always stayed firm on my side. I quickly shook my head instead of admitting that I wasn’t sure. “No, Henry loves music.”
“You named it?”
“He’s my first healthy plant.”
“Don’t tomato plants have to be replanted every year?”
“That’s not the point. The point is that I’m going to fill all these planters you build with fresh veggies and herbs and everything we can possibly imagine. It’s going to be amazing.” I looked over at the other planters that were very much empty despite the seeds I’d planted. It was a work in progress. I’d spent hours out here trying to grow things the past couple years. But it was never a waste of time. Because I got to enjoy the view of the lake the whole time. Our backyard was beautiful.
“That does sound amazing,” Miller said.
“So you’ll sing to it?”
Miller laughed but didn’t reply.
I always begged him to sing. We danced to music all the time but I’d never once heard him sing. Unless you counted him talk-singing me happy birthday every year. I most certainly did not count that. He swore he had a terrible singing voice. But I secretly thought that maybe his voice was as beautiful as the rest of him. And that he was keeping it hidden for no good reason at all.
“I can do you one better,” he said.
I shook my head. “I doubt that.”
“Close your eyes.”
“You know I don’t like surprises.”
Miller laughed. “And like I always say…it’s a good surprise. I’m not going to steal your other kidney.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay…” I reluctantly closed my eyes.
I heard his feet retreating. It was tempting to sneak a peek but I somehow managed to keep my eyes shut tight.
Music started lightly playing around me and then I felt Miller’s hands on mine, pulling me to my feet.
“You can open your eyes,” he whispered in my ear.
I slowly opened my eyes. Miller lightly touched the bottom of my chin, lifting my eyes to the trees above us. The whole sky was lit up with lights. “Oh my God.” I twirled in a circle staring up at the fairy lights he’d strung between the huge trees in our backyard, extending all the way down to the dock. And the music? I looked over at the speaker on the side of the house. I wasn’t sure how I hadn’t noticed it before. But I’d been very distracted by my beautiful tomato.
“Congratulations on graduating,” he said. “I know we couldn’t do the whole cap and gown thing. I hope this makes up for it.”
Was he kidding? This was so much better than walking across some dumb stage. I smiled up at him. “I can’t believe you did all this.”
“Do you like it?”
“I love it. Henry will like it too. The music. And extra light and…everything.” I felt tears welling in my eyes. This was the most beautiful present I’d ever received. Although, that Christmas morning when he’d surprised me was at the top of the list too. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
I blinked my tears away. He refused to sing. But he’d made it so we could play my plants music. And the lights? I looked back up at the sky again as he pulled me in close. We started swaying to the music. Usually I was very distracted by Miller’s face but tonight I couldn’t help looking up at the sky. It was like we were dancing in the stars.
I laughed as he dipped me and then pulled me in close again.
His eyes locked with mine as we swayed to the music. “There’s one more thing,” he said.
“What?” How could he have possibly gotten me something else? This was so perfect… My train of thought quickly stopped when Miller dropped to his knee.
“Brooklyn. You’ve turned my world upside down. In the best way possible. I never imagined when we first met that this would have happened. I tried to fight it. But I think you and I were written in the stars.” He glanced up for a second.
I knew he was looking at the lights above us. The ones he must have spent hours setting up. Just for this occasion. Because he thought our love was written in the stars. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box.
I started crying. “Miller…”
“I love you. With all my heart. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?” He opened up the ring box.
It wasn’t anything like the ring Matt gave me. This one was simple. Just a thin elegant gold band with a small single diamond in the middle. It was classic. It was…it was perfect. And yet… “I can’t.” I took a step back from him. “I can’t.” It felt like I was choking. I pictured Matt’s face when he’d fake proposed with a hotdog. I pictured being sprawled in the sheets with him as we talked about getting married. I pictured joking with him when I said he’d be my first husband. And he promised he’d be my only husband. I pictured the wedding we were planning. I pictured the future I’d imagined with him. With kids and our friends and… “I can’t.”
I took another step back. I wanted to turn around and run. I wanted to run as fast and as far as I could. I wanted to run away from the pain in my chest. I took another step back.
Miller stood up and put his hands on my shoulders. “Okay. That’s…that’s fine. You don’t have to say yes. That’s why it’s a question.” He smiled but there was so much pain in his eyes.
I dropped my face into my hands. What was I doing? Why did I want to suddenly run away from the one person I had? The one person who loved me? The one person who actually cared whether I was alive or dead? The one person who cared if I smiled and laughed every day? Miller had given me his whole heart. And I’d only given him fragments of mine. All I had to offer him were the pieces of my heart that weren’t broken.
“I’m sorry,” I choked.
“It’s okay.” He pulled me into his chest, running his hand soothingly up and down my back. “You’re not ready. It’s okay, Brooklyn.”
But that wasn’t the truth. Nothing about this was okay. And it had nothing to do with me not being ready. I was ready. I loved Miller. I was head over heels in love with that man. But I’d made a promise to Matt. Yes, I’d joked around with him about being my first husband. But I’d meant my first and only. How could I possibly accept this proposal?
But that was the whole problem…I was upset because I did want to accept. I held Miller tighter, letting my tears stain the front of his shirt.
“It’s okay,” Miller said again, more believably this time. “I’m happy. Right here, right now. With you. I can’t imagine being any happier. I shouldn’t have tried to change anything…”