I shake my head. “No, he can’t. There’s no way his father would allow anything to happen between us.”
“But things have happened between you,” Joy insists, and I can’t stop my cheeks from heating. It’s like talking to a parent about the times you’ve had sex. I may be twenty-six, but it’s still strange having this conversation with someone I regard as a mother figure.
“But he’s supposed to marry the girl.” I would never ask Finn to jeopardize his family or his responsibilities and that’s why I told him I would leave. Even though it would break us both. Maybe I should just do it, sacrifice my happiness for him. That’s what people who are in love do.
“Listen to me, Jarred,” Joy says, gripping my shoulders as if I were a child. “You’re both grown men, and love is going to be messy. No matter who you are. If Mr. Thorne could accept Damien and Nesrin, I don’t see how he couldn’t accept you, Finn, and Zaria.”
“I don’t even know if she’s worthy of him.” It may be my jealousy talking, but I feel more comfortable saying something like this to Joy than to Finn. Even though he’s seen the darkest parts of me, the pained, shattered pieces, I have always tried to rein in my feelings. Partly because I knew we could never have a forever.
“You talk from a place of love,” Joy says then. “But you also have to remember, you and he are both in this. It’s not your choice to make. He needs to tell you what he’s feeling. Don’t force the decision on him.”
“So, I just need to wait?” I question, frustration taking hold of me.
“Not necessarily, but don’t write off the girl just yet. Who knows, you may find that the three of you can make this work.” Joy smiles and releases me. Her advice slowly sinking in. “Now, go sit down. I need to finish up here and get dinner on the table.”
With that, I start setting up the table. My mind replaying Joy’s words as the scent of Finn’s cologne which seems to follow me around wherever I turn. It’s like he’s with me all the time.
Both of us at almost six-feet, with broad, lean muscle, make us a match in a fight, and in bed. And I wonder how we’ll fair with Zaria Abadi when she finally meets us both.
6
FINN
Seven Years ago
I make my way up to the roof and get right to the edge. A bottle of bourbon dangles in my hand as I look down, taking in the enormous garden that lies behind the house. The tears haven’t stopped. The pain is still fresh and raw in my mind. When people take their own lives, they don’t realize just how it affects those left behind.
I’m angry.
I’ve been fucking angry for a year now and nothing has changed. It’s the anniversary of her death and the hurt hasn’t soothed itself in my chest. They said it gets easier, but it doesn’t. It’s just a fucking black hole of agony that’s gripped my heart in its claws.
“Fuck you, Eloise,” I shout to the darkness. She was both my best friend and the one girl who made me feel something other than emptiness. I told her I would always be there for her, but she still went and did it.
Creed took the fall because he didn’t want her sister, Genevieve, to think badly of Ellie. But even then, we said it was an accident. There was no foul play, and Creed got off and the case was dropped. It was only Gen and Ellie; their folks had fucked off a long time ago.
I took Ellie under my wing, and then I laid her on my bed. She knew about me, the real me. I told her secrets I never told anyone, not even my brothers. She accepted the fact that I liked both sexes. It wasn’t me being a confused teenager; I just enjoyed variety. It’s the spice of life, or some shit.
“Fuck you, Ellie,” I curse her ghost again. She haunts me day and night. And no matter how much I party or drink, it doesn’t ease the agony of loss. The sting of tears as they trickle down my cheeks and the burn of the alcohol as I swallow back a mouthful can’t diminish any of the feelings that overwhelm me. And my mind goes back to the night my heart broke and the misery began.
The woods are dark, the moon only a slice of white. And even though I didn’t feel like playing this fucking game tonight, I couldn’t stop myself from being here. Mainly because Eloise is convinced that she wanted to play cat and mouse. The difference with tonight is that there are a few girls here.
“Don’t do this,” I implore, when the rest of the guys aren’t listening. I don’t want them to think I’m an asshole for stopping the game. But she’s mine, she always has been. And yet, she wants to play The Burning Roses. When Creed came up with it, we were bored and needed entertainment; I didn’t realize it would still be going strong all this time.
“It’s going to be fun.” Her smile is bright as it always is and her eyes sparkle with mischief. Then, she shoves something in my pocket, and leans in. “Don’t tell a soul. It’s our secret. Lock it in a box forever.” Her words don’t make sense, but all I can do is nod. We always promised each other that we would keep our secrets safe. Anything I told her was hidden in the depths of her pretty eyes, and anything she told me was locked in my heart.
I haven’t told her how much I love her. Not because I don’t want to, but because she doesn’t deserve the shit I come with. “Always,” I tell her with a nod.
“You’re my knight in shining armor, Finn Thorne,” she whispers against my lips before stepping back. “Remember when the time comes, don’t fight it. Allow yourself to fall for some pretty boy. Promise me.” Her words are nothing more than a giggled murmur, and I can only nod. “Good.” But before I can respond, she runs off into the night and the game begins.
Confusion wraps itself around me as I pull out the note she shoved in my pocket. When I open it, I find her perfect, girly scrawl and scan the words with the light of my phone.
Take care of yourself, handsome. My time has come. Remember, keep it locked up tight.
My brows furrow as I look up. There’s nothing to see because the rest of the guys have all run off to find the girls who are deep in the woods. I look down once more, and then I turn the note over to find the words that make my blood run cold.
I’ve left you all my secrets in a letter in your bedroom. Goodbye my love.
And that’s when my feet race through the darkness to find Ellie. But when I finally come across the beautiful girl, she’s no longer breathing. Everyone stands around her body as if paying their final respects. I drop to my knees beside her, screaming for them to call for help. I know it’s too late. Eloise never did anything by half measure.
This was purposefully done.
She knew.
She wanted this.
She came out tonight to seek her death.
“Don’t fucking do that!” The shout comes from behind me. I spin around as annoyance wrangles me in its hold. There’s someone on my roof. Even though Damien and Cass do come up here sometimes, I consider this my hiding spot. The boy standing there glaring at me looks like he’s just walked off a goddamned emo music video. His black hair is long, covering one eye, as the piercing in his lip glints at me.
But it’s his eyes the color of metal that look right through me. It’s as if he can see all the agonizing pain, and he understands it. He’s dressed in a black tee with sleeves of ink. I can’t believe my father hired someone who looks like him, but he must be one of the new staff members. I recall in my fuzzy memories that Dad said he had five new staff coming in because of some party he wanted to throw.