“I was scared,” I admit quietly. “I didn’t think further than what I was feeling. It was difficult for me to admit it to myself, let alone you two.”
Cass smiles. “Is it Jarred?” he asks, the knowing glint in his eyes tells me even though I’ve tried to be discreet, it’s not worked that well.
I nod. “It is. I mean, it started innocently, but,” I say, swallowing the lump of emotion that’s threatening to choke me. “He’s a good person. I fell so quickly; I didn’t even realize it was happening.”
“Or, you did know, you just couldn’t stop it,” Damien tells me with a supportive hand on my shoulder. “I get that,” he whispers, and I realize he’s talking about how he fell for Nesrin. It was monumental, it shook him to his core, just like Jarred stole my heart.
“All I wanted was to be me.”
“And he allowed you to be,” Cassian confirms as he watches me. His relationship was much the same with Kalyn. I had never seen my brother more at ease than when he was with her.
Once again, I’m surprised by how much they understand me. We’ve always been close, but we haven’t allowed ourselves to show emotions, especially soppy shit like this. But knowing they love me no matter what, that lessens my anxiety when it comes to my future.
“I just wasn’t sure how to even tell you,” I finally say. “The fear held me back from so many things. From living my truth. My life. I didn’t want to admit it,” I confess as my heart thuds against my ribs.
“I understand that fully. It’s difficult coming to terms with life in general, but to have emotions changing you and everyone around you, it can’t be easy to admit.” Damien’s words settle my pulse, and I can breathe again.
“You know something brother,” Cassian adds, “nothing in life is easy, but we will always be here for you. No matter what.”
“I thought—”
“You’re still Finn. Your sexual orientation doesn’t change that,” Damien assures me, and he pushes to his feet, before pulling me into a hug. The anxiety and tension that had coiled in my gut eases and I can breathe again.
“Don’t ever feel like you can’t tell us anything,” Cassian says as he joins us, and that’s how the girls find us moments later. Hugging in the kitchen, while my eyes burn with salty emotion.
Initiation.
A fucking crowning ceremony.
All four men are here from Tynewood—Ares, Etienne, Philipe, and Tarian. They’re suited in black, with crisp white shirts and black ties. It’s as if we’re at a funeral. But this is my choice. I wanted to do it.
It’s quiet as we each pull the raven-hued capes over our suits, and the hoods over our heads. Silence hangs heavily around the dark cave-like structure that resides under the Thorne Haven cathedral. I’ve always seen the building, but never been inside.
Our family aren’t religious in any way, so growing up, we never attended mass, so I haven’t stepped foot inside, let alone beneath the church before. When my father made his way to the back of the grounds and took the small stone steps beneath the earth, I wasn’t sure where we were going.
But the carved-out cavern is enormous. There is a concrete table that has a crown engraved into it, while the chairs, which were taken from the church, surround the structure.
“It’s time,” my father murmurs, and two of the hooded figures I noticed when we walked in go around the space lighting candles. The circle is illuminated with a soft yellow glow.
The older gentleman, who came along with Ares, steps forward and sets a black leather doctor’s bag on the table. We watch as he removes the tattoo gun from the bag and sets it up.
I’ve never seen anything like it before.
“Sit,” he orders, his dark eyes on mine.
I don’t argue. Slipping into one of the chairs, he waits for me to shrug off my shirt, then goes to work on my left shoulder. The symbol of the Sovereign is a crown, and I know that it will be with me forever.
“You will be a Sovereign,” Ares says as the older man works. “This means you abide by the laws that rule us, and you do as we say.”
“The only way you leave us,” Philipe murmurs, then Etienne chimes in, “is in death.”
“Vow your allegiance,” Tarian commands. For a young guy, possibly in his early twenties, there’s a darkness in him. Tarian Calvert is the fourth of the Gilded Sovereign. While Etienne Durand is the third. They make up the head of the society in Tynewood. Thankfully, I like them all.
I don’t know what I would’ve done if they were bastards.
“I swear my allegiance.”
“And I swear mine,” Jarred suddenly says, stepping forward as he looks between us. “If he’s a Sovereign for life, I take my rightful place at the table.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, knowing this wasn’t something he wanted in the past.
He nods. “I do.” Then he looks at the men who hold the decision.
“Then we accept your choice,” Ares agrees. “They both join the Sovereign,” he announces. “Please, Jarred, vow your allegiance.”
“I swear my allegiance,” Jarred confirms confidently before he settles in beside me. And I know that no matter what happens, we will always be together.
From this day forward, I’ll have a connection to law enforcement, to politicians, to money that I couldn’t spend in my lifetime. The Society rules over the country, but also different countries around the world. We can go anywhere, do anything we want, and they’ll watch over us.
Yes, we may have to work on underhanded deals at times, but we knew that. The Gilded Sovereign have mostly cleaned up their act, but there are still times we’ll come face to face with criminals.
At first, I thought I couldn’t do it, but knowing that I’ll be free, be able to travel with my wife and partner, I know I’ve made the right choice. I never wanted to be a businessman. I wasn’t cut out for it, and this brings me the freedom I’ve always craved.
I smile as I take my oath.
One vow today, and another to take when I marry Zaria.
26
FINN
The living room is a flurry of activity as I walk in and find Nesrin and Damien with Marcia. Dad is at the bar, pouring himself a drink. With Jarred busy, I only have Zaria with me. The blue eyes of my eldest brother lock on mine and I know he knows about Nesrin’s father. The look he gives me is one of thanks, relief almost.
Nesrin, on the other hand, looks like she’s about to be sick. I don’t blame her. Finding out your father is now married to a woman who’s going to be part of your extended family can’t be easy.
“Finn,” she greets with a smile.
“Hey, sis.” I pull her into a hug and hold her for as long as she needs. When she finally steps back, I say, “This is Zaria.” The two girls smile, and it’s then that I notice it. Something about them both is so familiar, it makes my chest tighten. I flick my gaze at Damien whose eyes widen for a second before his wife slips into the crook of his arm.
He saw it too.
Just then, the living room doors open and Zaria’s mother walks in. Her back straight, head held high. There’s a look of calm on her face, but the moment I step out of the way of my brother and his wife, Mrs. Abadi’s face falls. Not only that, it’s the man behind her who looks like he’s walked into the lion’s den.