“Um, I’m not at liberty to tell you…hey, what gives bro?”
“Gabe, let him go.”
“Talk, or I’ll break your fucking neck.”
“Okay, okay, but it won’t do you any good. It’s like this. One of my connections works with this underground outfit that helps women disappear.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“It’s an organization for battered women. Even if I tell you who, it won’t be of any help. Once she passes her off, she won’t know anything more about her; that’s how it works. One hand doesn’t know about the other and so on.”
“What’re you saying?”
“She could be halfway around the country by now, or anywhere for that matter, if she has the money and resources.”
“Give me the name and number of this contact.”
He started to argue, but the death glare in my eyes changed his mind. Halfway around the country or anywhere. Where would she have gone? I took the paper with the name he wrote without looking at it and turned to leave the room. “If anything happens to her, I’ll….” No, not his fault; this was my doing.
I had that choking feeling again as I headed back down the stairs. The idiot assistant looked pissed that we’d overruled his authority but whatever. “Where to? You still wanna go to her house?” Lance sounded pissed, worried, but pissed.
“No, take me back home; I need my computer.”
I’m going to find you and when I do…. I didn’t give you permission to run away, Gianna. What did you do then, asshole? What did you think was going to happen? My conscience can be a bit of a stronzo.
GABRIEL
Nothing! I spent all night into the morning looking. It’s like she never existed. There’s no way she could’ve disappeared that fast on her own, but then again, she had help, didn’t she? The contact I got from Diego is lucky she does good work for women in need, or I would’ve ended her already. She gave me nothing when I called and even refused to meet with me face to face.
I’ve played around with the idea of holding someone hostage until I get some answers, but that’s the monster in me. I have to keep that shit on lock, he’s already cost me more than enough, but it’s hard not to lose it at every turn. I even paid Felix a visit, but he had no idea where she was and was now spending his days worrying about her instead of the sentence he was facing.
Good, the monster is very pleased that he’s not the only one suffering. Her grandmother had returned home with a promise to come back soon. For some reason watching her go was like losing my last connection to Gianna. Now I’m beginning to think maybe she, Gianna has some monster in her as well. How else could she just disappear from my life like this? I have moments when I wonder if she ever cared, but then I remind myself that I’m the one who sent her away, that it was me who’d thrown her away, or at least that’s how I think she sees it.
Pop wasn’t having any luck finding her trail either, which somehow scares me more than my wasted efforts do. If he couldn’t find her with all of his resources, and the two of us together were coming up empty-handed, I don’t know what that says about the lengths she’d gone to to escape me.
Was she really that hurt? Had I been that careless with her when all I was doing was trying to protect? I run the gamut each day from wanting to wring her neck in anger to just wanting her to come back home or at the very least just reach out and let me or someone know that she’s okay and not hurt in a ditch somewhere.
I’ve thrown up more times than I care to remember at the thought of her hurt and alone somewhere, to the point that Pop has me under twenty-four-hour watch. Between him and Lancelot, I don’t think I’ve been alone for more than ten minutes at a time without one or the other checking in.
Now I’m sitting alone in her room at the Fontane residence like a fool, blaming myself because it’s my fault, all of it, and wondering why this had to be my penance. I was hoping against hope that she’d at least contact the twins and let them know she was okay, but they themselves have heard nothing.
By the end of the first week, my fear turned to anger and back to fear again. I couldn’t eat, was hardly sleeping, and was just going through the motions. I miss her voice, miss her smell, I miss everything about her. Even though I know it was for her own good, I’m now wondering whatever made me think I could live without her in my life.
People stayed away from me; only Pop and Lance dared get near me. At school, there were whispers and stares. I became cold, colder than I’ve ever been. I didn’t look at the blueprints for Ricci’s demise, not once because somewhere in the back of my mind, I blamed him for this too. Had he not been the bane of my existence, I wouldn’t have sent her away.
Anger and fear turned to hate by month three. Not hate for her, but for everything else. My life truly had no meaning now. I used to think it didn’t before, but now I know what that truly means. After I’d exhausted all my options, I used that hate to dive back into vengeance mode. I had no other way to expend all this pent-up energy, but I never stopped looking.
My team had become like my shadow, no doubt thanks to Pop, but they were the ones doing most of the looking. At least once a day, they did a search using their own contacts and connections as well. Pop never stopped using all of his resources, and it was because of him, because of the worry I saw in his face across the breakfast table each morning, that I decided to pull myself together.
There was one thing I knew that she was alive. I told myself that had she departed this world; I would’ve known. I think she’s just hurt for now and that one day she’ll come to her senses and return or at the very least get in touch to let me know that she was fine. I had to tell myself that in order to move on, to breathe again.
When the pain got too unbearable, I’d hold the mutt in my lap for comfort. She’d left the damn dog. For some reason, when I think of that, I get so pissed off at her I want to scream. She’d thrown everything back in my face. But then sometimes I’d have these moments where I’m so proud of her because she’d stood up for herself. She could’ve done that shit in Virginia, where I’d at least know that she was safe.
“I’m gonna light your mama’s little ass up as soon as she shows her face again.” Can dogs roll their eyes? I’m pretty sure the little shit just did just that. “Where did your mother go? You know, don’t you?” She’s brought me to this. Now I take care of the dog, waiting for the day she comes back for him.
GIANNA
I looked at the calendar on the wall in the little log cabin on the lake in the middle of nowhere paradise. I still find it hard to believe that not many people have found this place yet, that it’s still so uninhabited. There were maybe fifty people spread out across thousands of acres, everyone keeping to themselves but being neighborly enough to look out for one another if need be.
Winter had been hard as I’d been warned beforehand, but it wasn’t that much different from winters back home. No one knew I was here, not even the people who’d helped me escape New Hampshire. I’d used them as far as I needed to, just enough to get new IDs and such. It’s amazing what you can achieve with the internet at your fingertips.