All I’d needed to do could be done online, but in those first days, I was so mad, so hurt, I just wanted to disappear. I’d withdrawn a lot of cash from the account dad had set up for me and used the new ID to open an account, leaving most of the money from my inheritance untouched, just taking what I needed to survive.
I knew that Gabriel could track me that way if he wanted to, so I’d done some research and found a forwarding agent that specialized in helping people move money discreetly. It would take a monumental effort for him to go through all the hoops to find me, and even then, I’d put other things in place to safeguard myself from being found. I bet he wishes now that he’d never taught me all that he had,
Maybe he mistook my silence all those nights for disinterest, but little did he know that I was so infatuated with him that I wanted to enmesh myself in his world until we became one—stupid me. My eyes landed on the little red circle, only one more month, and I’d have to move closer to town.
Has it really been that long since I left home? Time really had flown. I’d followed dad’s case online, looking for any bits and pieces I could find, but because he was of no importance, there hadn’t been much to go on—just a small mention in the police blotter back home. Maybe I’ll reach out to him at some point when he gets out; who knows. Some days I just want to leave that whole life behind and never look back.
I went into a deep depression after first leaving the state. I went for days without eating, missing Gabriel so bad with every mile I put between us that even the thought of food made me ill until I passed out on the street one day in front of a group of strangers who took pity on me and came to my aid even in the middle of a pandemic.
I was taken to the emergency room at the local hospital in the third or fourth town I’d wandered into on the bus. I was still too afraid to get my license at that point, afraid that even with all the steps I took that Gabriel might still find me.
I was out for almost half a day only to wake up to the staff hovering. I had no ID on me, so there was no one to call, my information was locked away in the little out of the way hotel room I’d rented when I got into town a few days ago, and because the town was so small, and no one recognized me, they almost called the cops. Thankfully I woke up just in time.
When they told me what I’d done to myself in the time that I’d gone without eating, that I’d almost taken a life, I made up my mind then and there that I was going to get myself together. I had to live. I had something to live for other than Gabriel Russo. I could almost hear my mother’s voice in my ear urging me on. I wanted to make her proud.
Before I left that little town, I did some research and found this place off the beaten path. It was as far removed from civilization as one could get without falling off the edge of the earth. I spent my first days here in a daze, scared and alone but with a new sense of joy that could not be beat.
Slowly, gradually, my mind turned to other things than what I’d left behind, and I found a new purpose. There wasn’t much to do here, even after I paid an arm and a leg to get internet set up, which I thought would be impossible so far off the grid, but with the right amount of money, you can do anything. It cost thousands, but in the end, it was done.
There was nothing for me to do here except enjoy nature. The lakes and streams that run through this place are picture-perfect, and I think catalog worthy, and I get to enjoy it every day. Of course, I grew bored with my days, and the fear of being out here alone was almost crippling at first, but the more time went by undisturbed, the more at ease I became until it started to feel like home.
Still, I needed to do something with my days instead of just wiling the time away and counting down the minutes. I could’ve gone into town during the week and signed up for school with my new name and falsified transcripts, but the thought of sitting in a classroom all day didn’t appeal.
So, I put school on hold for a while until I decided to sign up for online classes once the internet was up and running. I thought Gabriel every day, and when I didn’t think of him, he invaded my dreams to the point that I’d sometimes wake up in such pain it was hard to escape.
I ran my fingertip over the little red circle on the calendar with a melancholy smile. It’s been a while since I’ve hated him, not that I ever really did. But once the anger and hurt wore off, I found it hard to hold on to the anger; besides, he’d given me more than anyone else in this world ever had, even though he may never know it.
DRACO
“So, where we at now? Still nothing?” All four of them shook their heads at me the same way they’ve been doing every time I asked for the last eight months or so. I’m beginning to think we’re never going to find this kid, and I’m not sure what that means for my son. Watching over him is like babysitting a tiger; you never know when but there’s always the possibility that he’ll strike.
For the first few months, when we all held out so much hope of finding Gia, he was able to keep an almost positive outlook on things. But, somewhere in the last couple of months, he’d switched into some sort of mode that not even I recognized. Of course, life for everyone else has moved on, but my boy, I don’t know what’s true and what’s not.
He tells me daily that he’s fine. He’d thrown himself into his new studies at my old alma mater even though he’d opted into studying from home instead of heading to campus. His mother and sisters spend almost every day worried about him, and since he moved into the guesthouse that’s more than a few feet from the main, it’s gotten worst.
It’s almost like he’s decided to distance himself from life or at least from the rest of us. Nothing scared me more than when he stopped talking. About the only time he’s shown any life in the almost year since the girl left is when Lancelot decided not to join the program at the precinct. Gabe rightfully guessed that his friend was only thinking of dropping the one thing he’d always wanted to do so that he could keep an eye on him, and he’d lost his shit.
I’m still not sure what he meant when he kept saying he won’t be responsible for destroying another life or the life of someone else he loved, but I can take a guess. It’s no secret that something happened between him and Gia, but he’s never said so I can only speculate. Then there was the time I grew afraid that he was going to end up drinking his woes away or dipping into drugs.
He’d become so withdrawn; what else was I supposed to think? But I should’ve known better. Where most would’ve buckled under the pressure and done just that, my son had turned to his old passions. He’s now honed his body into something approaching perfection, I guess. I caught sight of him one day when I went over to the guesthouse to see him, and the boy has an eight-pack, arms that look like they could bend iron, and a chest that Michelangelo would’ve wept over as he sculpted.
That was the day I realized my son had become a man. Now, Gabe has always been old for his age, but there was always still a hint of innocence about him, or maybe that’s what I wanted to see. The boy I saw that day had shed all pretense at softness; there wasn’t a shred of it left. It’s not just his body that has changed either; when I look at him these days, there’s something in his eyes that had grown hard. If I wasn’t his father, he’d scare the shit outta me.