“What was what about?” His voice was still far too cool. Decidedly unpleasant. But it was the only way he could get coherent words out.
“The nasty tone you’re using. It’s bad enough you were glaring at me the whole time. Now you’re going to be an ass to my face?”
“I’m not being an ass. I was putting up my mug so I could leave.”
“Well, you can do it without treating me that way. You said you weren’t jealous.”
He sucked in a breath. “I’m not jealous.”
“Then what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me.”
“You look like you want to break something.”
“You’re misinterpreting.” He was still managing to get words out, although he was wracked with so many emotions that he was almost shaking with the effort to suppress them.
“I don’t think I am.” She moved closer. Her blue eyes were flashing, and her cheeks were flushed. She was so delectable he had to fight the need to kiss her, on top of everything else he was dealing with. “You’re the one who fixed us up.”
“I fixed you up because you pressured me into it. You know perfectly well it wasn’t my choice.”
“Then you shouldn’t have done it.” She was way too close now. If she’d been closer to his height, she would have been right in his face. “You aren’t the victim here. You had other choices you could have made. And you never made them.”
“I’m aware of that,” he gritted out, clenching one of his hands around the strap of his leather laptop bag.
“So if you have something to say, then just say it.” She was almost spitting the words out, but her eyes were big and deep, gazing up at him with a glimmer of something like hope. “Say it, Rick.”
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. There was a block in his throat he couldn’t dispel.
What the hell was wrong with him?
This wasn’t the kind of person he’d always been. He couldn’t remember ever wanting something so much that he couldn’t shape it into words.
She waited several seconds. Longer than she needed to. Then she swallowed visibly and dropped her eyes. “Okay then. If you’ve got nothing else to say, then I suggest you act like the mature adult you’re supposed to be and stop behaving like a selfish teenager.”
She didn’t give him time to answer. Merely gave Megan a wave and strode out the door and onto the sidewalk.
It was just as well. He didn’t have any sort of coherent answer anyway.
Four
VIVIAN TRIED TO TELL herself that her tense encounter with Rick on Saturday didn’t matter, but she was upset and distracted and restless for the rest of the weekend.
It was annoying. She should be getting over him. That was what this whole plan had been about at its core. And instead she was somehow more wrapped up in Rick than ever.
On Sunday night, she’d taken a few necessary steps but wasn’t feeling any better about the situation, so Megan and Britt came over to hang out for the evening. They brought tacos from a local Mexican restaurant and a bottle of wine, and they’d planned to start a new show on Netflix but instead sat around and talked.
“So you just said you didn’t want to go out anymore?” Britt asked, sitting cross-legged on one corner of Vivian’s dark green couch.
“Yeah. Well, I told him I can’t begin a real relationship right now, and he got the point.” Vivian shook her head, thinking of the uncomfortable conversation she’d had when Tim called her this afternoon. “I do like him. But I don’t like him enough. And it doesn’t feel right to go through the steps of relationship-building when I’m still so into someone else.”
She felt bleak and heavy and exhausted and deeply unsettled, and she was surprised her voice was so mild and steady as she talked to her friends. After a few seconds she added, “Especially if Tim was really liking me. It didn’t seem... fair.”
“That makes sense,” Megan said. “You don’t want him to fall hard for you if you already know it’s not going anywhere.”
Britt nodded. “Was he upset?”
“No. I mean, I think he was disappointed, but he wasn’t falling in love with me or anything. He sounded fine, and I don’t think he was faking.”
“That’s good.” Both her friends appeared to be eyeing her closely, and it was Britt who finally voiced their thoughts. “So are you fine?”
Vivian opened her mouth to say yes, she was just fine, but a weird broken sound came out, and she had to shake her head instead. “I don’t know if I am.” She swallowed hard. “Why can’t I get over him?”
“You can,” Britt said, leaning forward, her perfectly arched eyebrows drawn together with concern. “You will. It just takes time.”
“I’ve had time. I’ve had plenty of time. Nothing is going to happen between us, no matter how much I want it to, and any time I think it might, things just get weird and awkward instead. I can’t seem to shake out of this fantasy. This hope that he might actually... I never thought I was so weak and silly and spineless.” Her eyes were burning, which she hated because this didn’t seem like a serious enough crisis to cry over. “But I guess I am.”
“No, you’re not,” Megan said, sounding almost angry. “You’re not silly or weak or spineless at all. Two things,” She counted them off on her slender fingers, as if two items were enough to lose track of. “One, you’re not hanging around not living your life and praying for crumbs from him. You’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing in life, and you’re making active steps to move on. Even going as far as bonkers dating schemes that anyone could have told you would never work.” She took the sting out of the last remark with a crooked smile.
Vivian couldn’t help but giggle, even though it made her eyes burn even more.
“And, two,” Megan continued. “This isn’t just an adolescent crush built out of thin air. You’re getting something back from him. Everyone can see that. If you weren’t, you would have let it go a long time ago.”
“Yeah,” Vivian sighed. “I think that’s right. I am getting something. But whatever it is he feels for me isn’t strong enough for him to take action. And it’s not like he’s a shy, inexperienced guy who might just be scared of making a move. If he’s not doing anything, it’s because he doesn’t want to.”
“Not necessarily,” Britt put in. “People are different. He might have other issues that are holding him back—other than shyness or disinterest.”
“Sure. I guess. But the truth is it gets to the point where it doesn’t matter what’s holding him back. If he’s not going to make a move, then waiting and hoping is futile. And I really just want to get over it.” Her voice finally broke. She paused for a moment, breathing deeply and getting control of herself.
Britt always cried when other people did. She swiped a year from her cheek. “You will. Just give yourself more time.”
“I should be able to do this. You got over your feelings for Tyler, Megan, and you’d been into him your whole life. I don’t understand why I can’t do the same.”