Megan’s expression was sympathetic, although she wasn’t as emotional as Britt. “Surely you know I’m not as over Tyler as I like to pretend.”
Vivian’s lips parted slightly. She hadn’t known this at all, and she was shocked at the realization.
“Or maybe I’m a better actor than I thought,” Megan went on, looking between Vivian’s face and Britt’s. “I’m not just hanging around waiting for him or anything, but given the slightest encouragement, I could...” She trailed off. Then gave her head a firm shake. “Anyway, my feelings for him weren’t a silly crush built on nothing, and yours for Rick aren’t either. They don’t immediately go away just because they aren’t being fed. And yours are definitely being fed. He’s into you too, whether he wants to admit it or not. So every time you’re around him, all your resolutions are going to evaporate into nothing. So I guess your options are to force a talk with him and make him tell you what’s going on. Or stop hanging around Coble Coffee so you don’t see him all the time.”
Vivian covered her face with her hands and groaned into her palms. She wasn’t crying, but her shoulders shook anyway. “Both of those sound terrible.”
“I know. But if you really want to make a change, I’m not sure what else you can do.”
She thought about it for a minute. “Just staying away would disrupt my whole life and daily routine. I’m not sure if I could... Maybe I can try to talk to him.” Her palms grew damp at the mere thought of it.
“I think that’s the best idea,” Britt said with her typical optimism. “I think he has some things he wants to say to you too.”
Vivian groaned again. Then was relieved when her phone buzzed with a text. Any distraction at this point was a good thing.
But instead of a casual diversion, the texted words on the screen hit her like a blow.
“What is it?” Britt asked.
“It’s... it’s Rick.”
“Wow, what perfect timing. What does he say?” Britt was leaning forward in anticipation.
“He says he wants to talk. He’s asking if I’m at home right now.”
“He wants to talk right now? Oh my God, it’s really happening!” Britt beamed, like she’d won the lottery. “Tell him to come right over. Megan and I will leave.”
Megan was already sliding her shoes back on. “Yep. We’re out of here.”
“But I... I don’t...” Vivian stared down at her phone, her hand trembling slightly.
“Do it now. Don’t you dare stall.” Megan reached over like she was going to snatch Vivian’s phone from her. “If you don’t, I’m going to reply for you and tell him to come over.”
“No! I’ll do it!” Vivian was still cold and shaky as she tapped out a quick reply, saying she was home, and he could come over if he wanted. “There. I did it.”
“Be brave,” Britt said as she grabbed her purse from the floor next to the couch. “Tell him the truth. And let us know what’s going on as soon as you can.”
“I will,” Vivian replied, standing up because her friends were. “Thanks for everything.”
They were gone in less than a minute, and only a minute after that, there was a knock on her apartment door.
Surely he wasn’t here already. She wasn’t remotely ready for him.
She peered out her peephole to see who it was.
Rick.
Standing there in front of her door, his hands in his pockets.
She didn’t have time to even think about it or plan out what she was going to say. She swung open the door.
They stared at each other across the threshold.
“Hey,” he said at last. He wore jeans and an untucked gray Oxford. He was as attractive as ever but also realer than normal. More human. She noticed a few flecks of gray in his hair. The creases around his eyes and mouth. The way his dark stubble ran all the way down his neck. There were dark smudges under his eyes, like he hadn’t gotten much sleep.
“Hi.” She had absolutely no idea what to say.
He glanced from her face to the entryway behind her. “Can I come in for a minute? Or we can go down to the coffee shop? Or somewhere else?”
She appreciated him giving her a choice about where to talk, but going somewhere else would just delay the inevitable. She stepped out of the doorway. “You can come in.”
He’d never been inside her place before, although he’d walked her home occasionally if they were in the middle of a conversation. She noticed his eyes running around the small living room and kitchen with her simple, bright-colored furnishings. The desk held piles of books, but the rest of the apartment was pretty well picked up, because she liked her surroundings—like her life—organized.
“This is nice,” he said. He still had his hands in his pockets, and it looked like he was holding them in fists.
“Thanks.” She waited. There was no way in hell she could start this conversation, and he was the one who’d said he wanted to have it. “You said you wanted to talk?”
“Yes.” He nodded. Then swallowed. Then licked his lips and swallowed again. “I’m sorry about yesterday. About the way I acted. There was no call for that. I was... immature and unreasonable.”
She sighed, his naked sincerity unleashing something that had been clenched in her chest. “Yeah. Thanks for the apology, but it’s really okay. I wasn’t being the world’s most reasonable person either.”
He didn’t reply immediately. But eventually he cleared his throat and said, “Tim said you broke up with him.”
“Oh. Yeah. It wasn’t really a break-up. I mean, we only went out a few times. But, yeah, I told him today that I didn’t want anything serious.”
“With him?”
The brief clarification surprised her, but she answered it honestly. “With him. Yes. So he told you?”
“Yeah. He was disappointed, but not broken-hearted. He thinks you’re really great.”
“I think he’s a great guy too, and it was kind of nice dating a grown-up. I don’t really feel like an adult most of the time, but that’s what I am. I don’t know why I can’t just... feel like it.”
He chuckled, some of the tension on his face breaking too, making him look more like his normal self. “Do you really think there’s a magic age where people shift into feeling like real adults and start always acting mature and reasonable? Believe it or not, age doesn’t make us less human. And, no matter how long we live, humans will always be plagued by flaws and uncertainties and insecurities.”
The words rang true to her. She knew they were. But she found herself asking, “What insecurities do you have?”
“Are you serious?”
She blinked. “Yes.”
He shook his head with a huff of dry amusement. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to stay in control of my world by not really engaging in it. That was why I had that breakdown in D.C. It got to the point where I felt so out of control, I couldn’t hold it together. Since then, I don’t get into anything I’m not confident I can handle. But I don’t know how I can handle... this.”
She sucked in a breath, her heart starting to race and her blood pumping harder. Britt had been right after all. This was actually happening. “Why can’t you handle it?”