Because I knew if I looked into the bleachers, I wouldn’t find her.
Harleigh was gone.
She was one of them now. She was where she’d always belonged.
And I needed to let her go.
But how did you give up a part of yourself—the better part?
She hadn’t just been my best friend; she had been my conscience. My redemption. My anchor.
Harleigh Wren Maguire had been my reason for breathing. Without her, I was drifting. Lost in an angry sea that wanted to pull me under.
It had taken months, months for me to get back to a place where I could function without her. But now she was back. Right on the other side of the reservoir, living on her father’s estate. And my heart, my heart couldn’t fucking accept it.
Even if my head knew I had to let her go.
“Soak it up, Nix.” Coach clapped me on the shoulder, jolting me from my reverie. “This is all for you, son. It’s all for you.”
“Yeah.” I gave him a tight-lipped smile as he guided me toward the podium.
It was all for me…
They were all chanting my name.
Wilder.
Wilder.
Wilder.
I was their star player, their idol, their favorite…
But it didn’t fill me with excitement anymore, it didn’t get my blood pumping, and my skin tingling. Something was missing.
She was missing.
And I didn’t feel whole anymore.
The entire upperclassmen of Darling Hill High including some ninth and tenth graders had made it out to the reservoir to party. It had taken almost ten minutes to fight our way through the amped crowd, all eager to rub shoulders with the Hawks. Hench and Kye lapped it up, especially when it came to the attention from the girls. But Zane and I had pushed ahead, eager to get to our usual positions next to the bonfire.
Sure enough, no one had touched our rickety old garden chairs. Zane dropped two six packs of beer on the ground and sat down. “This place is carnage.”
I surveyed the scene. Kids were already drunk or high, maybe even both. Dancing and goofing around on the vast stretch of derelict land next to the reservoir.
Zane handed me a beer and tipped his own bottle to where Kye had some girl pressed up against a tree. “He’s such a dog.”
“At least one of us is getting some.”
“Plenty of girls here would be willing to bounce on your dick.” Zane smirked, and I flipped him off.
“Not interested.”
“Let me guess, your dick don’t work right since finding out B is back.”
“Can we not do this again?”
“Fine.” He shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “So what do you think? Can we go all the way this season? Coach seems pretty certain we can.”
“I mean, it’s possible. The team is in good shape.”
“But…?”
“I don’t know, Z. I thought I’d want it. Senior year, our final season…”
“You always thought you’d be doing it with her by your side?”
I met his eyes, grimacing. It all came back to her.
Birdie.
My B.
“I took her for granted.” I let out a heavy sigh. “She was always there, no matter what, and I… fuck, I messed up.”
“It’s life, Nix. Shit happens and then you die.” He took a long pull on his beer. “If it bothers you that much, fix it. She’s across the res, not dead.”
I flinched at the honesty, and frustration, in his words.
“Nah, I need to cut her loose.” I stared at the hypnotic flames, watching them as they licked the inky sky. “Let her fly free.”
The Row had only ever clipped Birdie’s wings. She wasn’t made for a place like this. She wasn’t made for a guy like me. Besides, too much had happened between us.
“So that’s it? You’re gonna move on and forget about her? Just like that?” He snorted. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“Fucker,” I muttered. “Miss Kyrie busted your balls about college applications yet?”
“We both know Darling Hill Community College is about as good as it gets for me. If I even bother.”
“You could get help for her. See about—”
“No fucking way, Nix. She as good as raised me. I owe her everything.”
It was true. Zane’s grandma had raised him after his mom had died when he was just a kid, and his waste of space sperm donor hadn’t cared enough to stick around. Mrs. Washington had always been a force to be reckoned with until the MS set in and began to ravage her body. On the days she needed it, Zane cared for her at home since their medical insurance didn’t stretch to long stays in hospital. But it was hard on him, on them both.
“Yeah, Z. I know, I know…” I raked a hand down my face, blowing out a long breath. We were two guys stuck in impossible situations. He couldn’t leave his gran, and I couldn’t leave Jessa. People depended on us. People’s lives depended on us. How the fuck were we supposed to chase our own dreams and protect the people we cared about?
The answer was… we couldn’t.
The Row owned us.
Whether we liked it or not, The Row was our home. Our burden.
It was our motherfucking prison.
And there wasn’t a damn thing we could do about it.
Nix
“What’s up your ass?” Zane climbed into the back seat and yanked the door closed.
I glanced back at him and shrugged. “Just the usual.”
“Your old man being a dick?”
“Isn’t he always?”
“What’s up, fuckers?” Kye joined us, wearing a shit-eating grin. But his expression fell when he noticed the atmosphere in the car. “No, no, no. This will not do. It’s Halloween, baby. Time to get fucked and get fucked up.”
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” Zane thrust his mask in the air. “Didn’t we outgrow this shit two years ago?”
“Nah, Halloween is all about come as you aren’t.” Kye snickered. “That, B?” he motioned to my cell phone, and I nodded.
“Just texting her now.”
* * *
Me: Trick or treat?
* * *
I smiled at Harleigh’s instant reply.
* * *
B: Haha, funny. I’m almost ready.
* * *
Ignoring Zane and Kye discussing the game last weekend, I texted back.
* * *
Nix: Good, I’m ready to fuck things up.
* * *
I didn’t give her a chance to reply before sending another message.
* * *
Nix: Your chariot awaits.
* * *
B: Two minutes.
* * *
I waited five before texting her again. If I knew anything about Harleigh, it was that she was never on time.
* * *
Nix: Kye is getting restless… are you coming?