“So that’s… gag-worthy,” Nate said as the two of us lay on loungers, eating candy like it was going out of fashion.
“Yeah, they’ve been at it all morning,” I said, barely glancing at Celeste and Miles making out in the shallow end of the pool.
“You sound thrilled.”
“I’m happy for them. It’s just…”
“Yeah, I get it.”
I lifted my eyes to his. “Do you?”
“You’ve seen me around school, I’m not exactly Mr. Popular.”
“You’re an enigma, that’s for sure.”
“An enigma. Difficult to interpret or understand. Mysterious.” His mouth quirked with amusement. “Sounds like a great t-shirt right there.”
“Did you just quote the dictionary at me?”
“I didn’t un-quote it.” He grinned.
“You’re a goofball.”
“Better than some of the names I’ve been called in the past.”
“So how is it you’re Marc Denby’s cousin and we had no idea?”
“It’s a long story. But the short version… our families only recently buried the hatchet after some drama a few years back, so we didn’t grow up close or anything.”
“And now?”
Because I’d seen him and Marc together around school. They acted friendly.
“It’s complicated.” His lips flattened. “You know, I thought you might have something to say after our conversation last night…”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” My walls slammed up.
“Okay, but have you considered that maybe you need to talk about it?”
“And let me guess, you want to be my sounding board?” I shot him an incredulous look.
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Why? Why do you even care?”
“Because I saw your scar, Harleigh. When I came over with my brother that day, I saw your wrist and figured out what had really happened to you last year.”
“Y-you saw it?”
He nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I said I didn’t.”
“My sister… she uh… she killed herself.”
My body began to tremble. “S-she did?”
“Almost ten years ago. She would have been twenty-eight this year.”
“I didn’t know.”
“It’s not something my family talks about. It isn’t becoming of the Millers to discuss their failings.” His expression tightened.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. I was only eight at the time, her annoying little brother. But she was my idol. I loved her so fucking much and one day, she was… gone.”
“H-how did it happen?”
“Overdose. She went through some stuff in junior year and never recovered.”
“What was her name?”
“Penny. Even now, after all this time, I still hear her yelling at me for going into her room without permission or for stealing the last bagel. Man, she loved a cream cheese bagel.”
Silence hung between us. Thick and heavy with the pain of our pasts. I got it now—the strange affinity between us. Nate recognized the darkness living inside me and it called to me in kind. Our souls were the same. Dark. Damaged. Tainted.
“Have you ever—”
“No, no.” He shook his head. “I’m a suffer-in-silence type of guy, but I’m not looking to permanently check out of life. What about you? Are you—”
“I know what you’re doing.” My voice cracked.
“Yeah? What am I doing?”
“Trying to reverse-psychology me into opening up about what happened.”
“Is it working?”
“Not yet.” A faint smile tugged at my mouth.
“Fair enough. I want you to know that I’m here, and I get it. Talk to me, don’t talk to me, that’s your prerogative, but I offer a non-judgmental safe space to talk.”
“Thank you.”
“I also offer some premium grade weed and witty conversation. In case you need persuading.”
“You know, Celeste was right about you.”
“Yeah?” His eyes twinkled.
“Yeah, you’re not all bad, Miller. You’re not all bad, at all.”
“Likewise, Maguire.” We shared a tentative smile. “Likewise.”
“You two looked cozy earlier,” Celeste said, nudging my shoulder as we ate our slices of pizza.
After spending the day out by the pool, we’d come down to the den to watch a film. The guys were busy arguing over the upcoming football season while we gorged ourselves on the copious amounts of food they’d ordered.
“It isn’t like that between us.”
“No… but could it be?”
Nate glanced up as if he felt us watching him. I smiled and he returned it with a blinding smile of his own. But there was no flutter of butterflies or tingles under my skin. Nothing except the comforting reassurance of having someone who got it. Who understood what it was like to be in my shoes.
“I don’t think so.”
“Because you’re still hung up on—”
“Celeste.” I let out a heavy sigh, the pain I was accustomed to whenever Nix came up in conversation spreading through me.
“Sorry. I just want you to be happy.”
“It’s not something you can fix with a bit of attention from a guy.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll drop it, I promise.”
“Your guy looks lonely.” I flicked my head over to Miles and he flashed her his best puppy dog eyes.
She made a quiet little simpering noise. “He’s too freaking cute.”
“Go, put him out of his misery.”
“You’re sure?”
“Go,” I said.
She wiped her hands on a napkin and made a beeline for Miles, curling up on his lap and looping her arms around his neck.
Nate appeared, rolling his eyes at the lovesick puppies. He dropped down beside me and ran a hand down his face. “Want to get out here?” he asked.
“What did you have in mind?”
“Drive to the res and—”
“Anywhere but the reservoir,” I said.
“Fine, I know a place. You in?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’m in.”
Nix
“Seriously, Clo.” Kye grumbled. “This is what you want to do?” He gawked up at the building.
“You said we could do whatever I wanted.” She pouted. “And I’m in the mood to bowl.” With a dismissive shrug, she marched toward Strike One and disappeared inside.
“Is it me, or is she more… Chloe than usual?” I asked.
After taking off this morning, I’d driven around for a little bit, trying to get my shit together.
So my old man wanted me gone after graduation? It wasn’t like I wanted to stay. I just needed to figure out a plan. Get a real job. Save some cash. And if Jessa was dead set on staying with him, I needed to accept that. At least if I was still around, I could keep an eye on her.