I give myself a few more minutes to gather my composure. I’m glad Janice decided to give me the blanket and the explanation before the rest of the gifts. I think I managed to sneak away before too many people saw me as a blubbering mess.
I just need to avoid Janice for the rest of the party as much as I can. Pulling open the door, I’m surprised to see Janice standing there leaning against the wall, wringing her hands together.
“Riley,” she whispers. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Pregnancy hormones.” My voice cracks with my reply.
She steps forward and wraps her arms around me in a hug. “I know how much you miss your momma, and I know I’m not her, but I have always considered you and Raven my girls.” She tightens her hold in one final squeeze before releasing me. “Now, let’s dry these tears.” She wipes at my cheeks. “And go spoil this little one.” With her arm around my shoulders, she leads us down the hall and back to the shower.
No one questions where we’ve been, and if my face is red and blotchy, no one mentions it, for which I am eternally grateful. I push my guilt way down and plaster on a fake smile that becomes genuine with each passing minute. My living room is overflowing with gifts for my baby boy, and my heart is full. So full.
So many outfits, bottles, blankets, toys, diapers, lotions, a bouncy seat, a high chair, the list goes on and on. “Who knew a tiny human needed so much?” I ask as I hand the final gift, a laundry basket full of diapers and wipes, to my sister.
“This cute little house of yours is about to be overrun.” Margaret smiles. “Just wait until you step on a toy like a Lego in the middle of the night,” she announces, and the other mothers in the room are in agreement.
“Have you decided on a name?” Carly Sanderson asks.
“Not yet. I think I want to meet him first, but I do have an ever-growing list,” I answer for what feels like the millionth time since people realized I was pregnant. It’s a question everyone wants to know the answer to.
I’m struggling with the decision. Giving your child a name they will be stuck with for the rest of their lives is a huge decision. You have to think about nicknames and kids making fun of them for their parents’ choice. It’s a lot of pressure. The pressure that I’m shouldering all on my own as a single mother.
“I can’t thank you all enough for being here,” I say, feeling myself start to get choked up again. I rest my hands on my growing bump. “I love all of these amazing gifts, and I’m sure baby boy will as well.”
“How’s the nursery coming along?” Carol, Darcey’s mom, asks.
“It’s in progress.” I smile. “The furniture was delivered earlier this week, and I have the paint purchased. Bruce, Jacob, and Brett are coming over tomorrow to paint and assemble everything for me. I told them I could handle it, but they insisted they do it. So all of these leftovers will be put to good use.”
“Um, you’re probably going to need to order pizza too,” April comments. “Have you seen those knuckleheads eat? They can put it away.” She chuckles.
“I was planning on it.” I turn to look at Raven. “I know you’re coming over too. Will you stop and pick up some beer for them on your way over? That’s the least I can do.”
“Damn, Riles, they’re going to want to move in,” Margaret teases, making us all laugh.
For the next hour or so, I make my way around the room. I take my time saying hello and thank you and passing out hugs to everyone who came to shower my baby boy and me with gifts today. The love and support I’ve received from everyone has been overwhelming.
Finally, when everyone is gone, I sit in my new rocking recliner and look at all the packages throughout the living room. “You’re spoiled,” I say, rubbing my belly. “As soon as your furniture is put together, I can get you organized.”
As it always does, my mind drifts to Hudson. I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing. Is he safe? Does he think about our baby and me? I never imagined this is how he would react. Shocked? Sure. Nervous? Absolutely. Never did I think he would just ghost me. Maybe he’s not the man I thought he was. Maybe I don’t know him at all.
I’m hurt by his rejection, but I don’t have time to dwell on that. I have our son to raise. No, I have my son to raise. He’s made his stance on my child clear. I will be the best mommy and stand-in daddy I can be. Not a day will go by that my son will not know how much he’s loved.
One day he’s going to ask about his daddy, and I’ll have to tell him something, but we can cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, I need sleep before the guys arrive bright and early to do my bidding—Bruce’s words, not mine.
It takes me three tries to get out of the recliner. Once I’m steady on my feet, I make sure the house is locked up and turn out all the lights. By the time I’ve finished my nightly routine and I’m changed into my pajamas, I’m too exhausted to lie awake and think about Hudson. Too bad I’m not too tired to dream about him too.
CHAPTER 16
Hudson
I can’t stop staring.
She’s so fucking beautiful it hurts to breathe.
Riley.
Raven sent me another letter. This time, she included a picture. It’s her and Riley, and they’re standing side by side, smiling wide, and they are surrounded by gift bags. Her letter said it was the baby shower. The knife of that knowledge twists in my gut.
I love my best friend, and it’s good to set eyes on her, but that look was brief as I fold the image in half, so it’s just showing Riley. Her belly is round and swollen, and it makes me a sick fuck to think about how damn sexy she is. She’s pregnant with another man’s baby, and I can’t stop thinking about running my hands over every inch of her.
Today is a rare day off, and Clayton and a few of the others went for a hike. I passed, stating I was going to catch up on sleep, but I can’t sleep. All I can do is stare at her. I packed an image of her, but it’s a group shot with all our gang, as Raven likes to refer to our group of friends. This one, this is different. It’s her, with Raven folded to the back. Her smile lights up her face, but I can see that she’s holding something back in her eyes.
It’s with that thought a light bulb hits me. She’s doing this all on her own. That bastard who got her pregnant left her. She’s going to be a single mom, at least from the intel I’ve gotten from Raven and Clayton, who also seems to be getting his information from Raven. The others write, but it’s always brief and nothing about what’s going on with anyone but them. Not Raven. She keeps us updated, so it’s as if we were there with them.
I miss home.
I miss my girl.
That’s exactly what she is. She’s mine. I don’t care that she’s a single mom. That baby is a piece of her that I will love just as much as I love her. I want to bring the light back to her eyes. I want to be the man she leans on in good times and bad. I have so much in my head, so many thoughts and emotions. I reach for my journal and begin to write.
Riley,
You’re beautiful. If I were there with you, that’s what I would tell you. You’re glowing. Pregnancy suits you. Yeah, I’ve seen you. Raven sent a picture of the two of you, and you take my breath away. I can’t stop staring at you.