Talk soon.
Hudson
The tears are now streaming freely down my cheeks as I fumble with the letter, folding it and shoving it back into the glove box. I try to get myself under control, but I can’t seem to stop the tears, which is why Raven looks at me like I’m going into labor when she slides back behind the wheel.
“What’s wrong? The baby?” she asks, panicked, making me laugh. “Riley!” she scolds.
“I’m fine. Pregnancy hormones.” It’s not a complete lie. I have been a lot more emotional since finding out I’m pregnant. “I’m okay, I promise,” I assure her.
“Sheesh. You can’t do that to me.” She tosses two coats into the back seat, then fastens her seat belt, and we’re on our way.
“Thank you for coming with me today.”
“Are you kidding me? Of course I’m here. Even if the sperm donor was here, I’d still want to be involved.”
I wince internally. Something I didn’t lie about, but I didn’t correct her. Raven assumed the father was the fake guy I had a fake date with in Jessup. I didn’t correct her. I didn’t know how. I need to set the record straight, but the more I think about it, do I really? I don’t want our friends to hold the existence of our baby against him. So he doesn’t want to be a father. That’s his choice, and it was mine to keep this baby. Sure, I thought I would be a mom after I was a wife, but that’s not the hand I was dealt, and I’ve made peace with that.
“We’re lucky to have you.”
“Have you thought any more about names?” she asks, ignoring the heavy topic.
“A little. I have a few I like for both girl or boy.”
“Raven, of course, if you’re having a girl. Actually, we could make that work for a boy as well.” She laughs.
“I could, but I’m thinking there is only one Raven Burke.”
“Oh, that’s right. The baby is going to have the Burke name, not the sperm donor’s.”
“Can we not?” I ask her. “Not today.”
“Sorry.” She’s quick to apologize. “How’s the list going?”
“Growing every day.” I laugh. “I was waiting for today to order the furniture. I think I’ll go with gray wood if it’s a boy and white if it’s a girl. Then I need to buy paint. The guys are insisting they come and paint for me. They swear they can knock it out in no time.”
“All three of them?”
“Yep. You know how they’ve been. From the minute I announced I was pregnant, all of you have been protective bears. Even April and Darcey.”
“Just be glad that Clay and Hudson aren’t here. Especially Hudson. You know he’s protective of both of us.”
“Yeah.” I manage to force the word out while the knife in my chest twists deeper. I can’t tell my sister that Hudson is the father. I can’t tell her that I wrote him, letting him know that this baby is his, and he’s yet to answer that letter.
Thankfully, we pull into the lot of the doctor’s office, and I can push all of that out of my mind. Today is about peanut, and I’m so excited for this appointment and the ultrasound. I hope the baby is cooperative and they can tell us the gender.
“Are you sure you don’t want to do one of those gender reveal parties?” Raven asks as we step inside the building.
“I’m sure.”
“Can we at least do a reveal for the gang?”
“You make it sound like we’re in a real gang. Why not say friends?”
“Gang sounded good in my head.” She shrugs with a smile playing on her lips.
“They remind me of a gang with how protective everyone has been. Do you know that Bruce showed up at my house last night? He said he was in the area and thought he’d stop and pull my trash cans to the road. First, how in the hell did he know when my trash night was? Second, I’m more than capable of dragging the trash can the short distance to the end of my driveway.”
“He’s just looking out for you. They know the sperm donor is not in the picture, and they know things that were simple before are going to get harder for you. They’re good guys. Give them a break.”
“I know. I just don’t want everyone to see me as helpless because I’m a single mom.”
“We don’t. We see you as fierce, and we just want to be a part of it. I’m sure it’s the same for the rest of the gang.” She winks. “Now, go get checked in. I’m ready to find out if I’m a boy aunt or a girl aunt.”
“All right, Riley. Are we ready to see your baby?” the ultrasound tech asks.
“Yes.” My belly is a flutter of nerves, or maybe that’s the baby. I’m not sure, but I’m nervous. “Raven, can you grab my phone and record this?”
“Oh, no need. We’ll put it on a DVD or flash drive for you.”
“Thank you. I still want both.” I shrug, and she laughs.
“No worries. All right, let’s see what we’ve got here. I’m going to take some pictures and measurements for the doctor. Hopefully, the baby will cooperate, and we can give you a gender today.”
“Come on, baby,” Raven chants, making us laugh.
The tech does her thing, moving the wand all over my belly, stopping to type on the screen before moving on to the next set of images.
“Does everything look okay?” I ask. The silence in the room, other than her clicking the keys on the keyboard, is starting to get to me.
“Yes, everything looks great. Measuring right at twenty weeks like you should be. This is the heartbeat.” She zooms in, and tears spring to my eyes. “The head, arms, legs, fingers, and toes.” She takes her time going over the baby, and with each new image she captures, my heart swells, overflowing with love for this baby.
A piece of me and a piece of Hudson for me to love for a lifetime.
“All right, Mom, are you ready? It looks like this little nugget is going to cooperate beautifully.” The tech smiles.
“Yes.”
Glancing over at Raven, her eyes are glued to the screen, and they’re shimmering with tears. She has a death grip on my hand, and I’ve never been more grateful for my sister in all my life. I love her and her support, but I can’t help but think that Hudson should be here. Or I should at least be getting copies of the ultrasound images to mail to him, but he’s ignoring me. Tears well in my eyes as I turn my attention back to the screen and watch my baby, my miracle, on the screen.
“I can’t believe I’m growing a human,” I say with a laugh, wiping at my eyes.
“A perfect tiny human,” Raven comments, still refusing to tear her gaze from the screen.
“Well, Momma, it’s a boy!” the tech announces with a smile.
“A boy,” I whisper.
“A boy aunt,” Raven says, finally looking at me. The tears that were shimmering in her eyes are now racing down her cheeks. “A baby boy,” she says, leaning in to hug me.
I hug her back, holding on a little longer than necessary. I’m having a boy. Will he look like his daddy? Will he have his dark brown hair and his big blue eyes?
“You’re all set,” the tech says. “Here are some paper towels to clean up. The doctor will be in a few to answer any final questions you might have.”