I take a moment to peer at Tucker, her little ginger baby boy. He’s fast asleep, and his mushy cheeks are so cute that I have to resist the urge to squeeze them. I prop my hands on my hips and turn my focus back on my work. “Well…I wanted to make a few samples so we could figure out what you think will work best for your book boxes.” I fondle the “cocktuterie” boards carefully. “A phallic-shaped charcuterie board is certainly a first for me, but I think I have a few good options here. You’d be surprised how many different shapes a dick can be.”
“Um…no, I wouldn’t.” Kate barks out a laugh. “Hi…Queen smut writer here. I have a cocktastic imagination, and I could think of an infinite number of dick shapes…some of which have been dropped into my DMs on Instagram.”
I laugh and bow my head. “Pardon me, Queen of the Cocks. I hope these five are satisfactory enough for you to decide from.”
A mighty howl from Tucker turns our focus off each other to the sad little baby who’s woken up in the middle of our cock talk and is not happy about it. Kate unbuckles him from his seat and drapes him over her shoulder. “The smallest cocks are always the loudest.”
I laugh at the very bizarre joke. It feels good to laugh. This week has lacked any kind of laughter. In fact, it’s been pretty much straight misery. Made even more miserable by the fact that Max and Everly left for a weekend trip yesterday. Not that I would have spent any time with them anyway since it’s the weekend, but something was horrifyingly painful about watching them pack up their car and leave me behind yesterday. I felt like an outsider looking in for the first time in weeks.
I hated it.
“Can you hold him while I do a little circle jerk of your masterpieces?” Kate asks, moving toward me.
“Love to,” I reply as she slips him into my arms with all the grace of a well-seasoned mother. He tucks his face into my chest, his cheek pressing against my collarbone as I hold him against me, breathing in that new baby smell.
My throat constricts at the feel of him in my arms. Just two weeks ago, I was talking about babies with Max. I was fantasizing about having his baby. I’m horrified to admit that I went so far as to wonder what our baby would look like, how Everly would be with it. Would she be a protective big sister or a bothered teen that’s annoyed by all the baby crap that would consume Max’s house. I got completely carried away and now everything is a mess.
“Surprise, surprise, he’s a breast man,” Kate deadpans when Tucker begins nodding off in my arms almost immediately.
I turn around and sway him in my arms to hide my stinging eyes from Kate as she looks over all the boards, oohing and aahing at the fine details. I’ve been basically in this workshop every night this week…barely even stopping to eat, so I’m pretty proud of the work I’ve done.
One night Everly came into the shop with some food for me and I had to do a quick coverup of my cock boards that were more balls than cock at that time, so I don’t think she realized what she was even looking at, thank goodness. When she handed me the plate of food, I had to resist the urge to ask her if it was from her or Max.
I wanted it to be from Max.
And then I spent the next hour aggressively sanding wooden shafts to punish myself for wanting the food to be from Max.
This is stupid.
I should want nothing from Max. I pushed him away. I ended what we had to save myself so I should be happy with that decision.
Why did he have to say he loved me?
“This one is my favorite,” Kate says, holding up one of the maples that I liked the most too. “The deep curve of this says…yeah, I might have dick cheese…but I can still hit your brie-spot.”
“Nice pun,” I laugh and shake my head, cupping the back of Tucker’s head to prevent him from jiggling too much. “You have to put that on a bookmark or something.”
“For sure,” Kate agrees, clapping her hands together excitedly. “I’m meeting with the lawyer tomorrow morning and a real estate agent in the afternoon to look at some properties downtown. This shit is finally getting underway, and I couldn’t be more thrilled! I’m really hoping to find a space near Dakota’s T-shirt shop. That part of town is cute and artsy and everything I always pictured for an indie bookstore. I just have to finish my book today first because I’m so close to typing “The End” and I can think of no better way to celebrate than going bookstore shopping.” She exhales heavily after that long rant of a to-do list she just blasted through.
“My God, you’re taking care of an infant, finishing a book, and opening up your own bookstore…how do you do it all?” I ask, staring at her like she must have five clones in the car.
“I do it stylishly, of course,” she answers, gesturing to her Pizza slice T-shirt. It’s a Dakota T-shop original.
She laughs and turns to look at the boards again. I can’t help but pry further. “No, seriously. How are you getting all this done? Are you a ball of stress at home?”
“Are you kidding me?” Kate replies with another laugh. “Not at all! I mean, sometimes I have my little freak outs, but I’m living my dream right now. I’m doing something I absolutely love, and opening up this charity bookstore will be like…the thrill of a lifetime.”
I nod slowly. “So you think if you’re doing something you’re passionate about, it’s less stressful?”
“Definitely. And it might still be stressful but it’s fulfilling at the same time. I mean…how do you feel making charcuterie boards?”
“Horny usually,” I respond with an honest answer because if anyone can take it, it’s this woman. “And that was before I knew cocktuterie boards were a thing.”
“I love it!” She holds her hand up in a high five that I gratefully accept because I didn’t totally perv her out with my honesty.
“But I feel fulfilled too,” I add, digging in a little deeper. “Making these boards is like this strangely satisfying experience for me. After my stroke, they really brought me back to life.”
“I’m sorry, did you say stroke?” Kate’s eyes turn to saucers.
I nod and cringe. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to just drop that on you.”
“No…please,” she says, crossing her arms and staring seriously back at me. “If we’re going to be working together with all these hard cocks, I think it’s important for me to know you, Cozy. This sounds like a big deal.”
I exhale heavily, squeezing little Tucker to my chest for comfort. “It was but I’m okay now, thankfully. I used to work in a really high-stress job in corporate and it all became too much for me. I had a stress-induced stroke in the middle of a meeting almost eight months ago.”
Kate’s eyes widen. “Damn, that’s scary as fuck.”
“I know,” I reply with a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m doing great now, but what you said about doing something you’re passionate about really resonated with me. Making these boards helped me with my physical therapy. I gained back all I lost making these things and ever since then, when I work on them, it’s like an out-of-body experience. Like an adrenaline rush of gratitude every time I get to put this stupid leather apron on.”