I looked at the time. It was eleven-thirty at night, but I was far from being tired. I got out of bed and headed for the kitchen to make myself some cookies and hot chocolate. Normally, I didn’t like eating late at night, but I figured I deserved a treat for being good.
I heard my phone ringing as I was heating up the milk and hurried back to my bedroom. I smiled when I realized that it was Sam calling me. I answered quickly. “Hello?”
“Hey, there, sleepyhead.”
“Who says I’m a sleepy head?” I said, happy just hearing his voice.
“I figured you were close to falling asleep. You had a late night last night. And I figured maybe you were tired.”
“Actually, I’m making hot chocolate.”
“Ooh, I love hot chocolate. Are you adding marshmallows?”
“I wasn’t going to,” I said, “But I think I might have some in the cupboard.”
“If you add them, try and toast them. It will be absolutely delicious.”
“Toast them with what?” I asked him. “A lighter?”
“No. Don’t you have a little burner?”
“A little burner?” I asked, “What’s that?”
“Like how you caramelize sugar on a creme brulée.”
“Caramelize sugar on a creme brulée?” I burst out laughing. “Who do you think I am? Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart?”
“No, you’re Shelby,” he said. “Next time you’re over at my place. I’ll make you a hot chocolate with toasted marshmallows. You’ll never have hot chocolate again without them.”
“Oh, I’ll look forward to that,” I said my heart beating rapidly. I wanted to ask him when the next time would be, but I didn’t want to seem desperate.
“So what have you been up to tonight?” he said casually.
“I was…” I said slowly, wondering whether to try and make him jealous or not.
“Don’t tell me you were hanging out with some random dude.” He sounded annoyed.
“No, I don’t live my life to hang out with guys you know, Sam. I was watching TV.”
“Oh, good,” he said, sounding cheerful again. “What were you watching?”
“The King of Queens.”
“Hmm,” he said, “I’m not sure I know that one. Is it a police show?”
“The King of Queens? Does it sound like a police show?”
“Oh, sorry. Is it about the British monarchy?”
“Really, Sam?”
He burst out laughing. “I’m just joking. I love that show with that guy, Kevin James, right?”
“Yeah.” I was surprised he knew the actor’s name. “It’s one of my favorite sitcoms ever.”
“Yeah. It’s good. Always makes me laugh when I watch it.”
“So, what have you been up to tonight?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“I had dinner with a friend.”
Jealousy surged through me at his words. I wanted to ask if it was a female friend, but I didn’t want him to think I cared. “Oh, cool. Did you have anything nice?”
“Eighty dollars worth of sushi.”
“Wow!” I exclaimed. “That’s a lot of sushi. What did you get?”
“I got a tiger roll, a spider roll, some nigiri, some hamachi.”
“Wow. You went all out. What did your friend get?” I couldn’t resist asking.
“Oh, he got a poke bowl, actually.”
I beamed into the phone when he said he. “Oh, cool. I love poke bowls.”
“Me too. Do you prefer salmon or tuna?”
“I like tuna, what about you?”
“Salmon,” he said, then he chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“I just think this conversation is really mundane.”
“Are you calling me boring?”
“No, he said. “I just love that we can just talk about nothing.”
“Well, was there something specific you called to talk about?” I asked softly.
“I know you think I’m going to say I wanted phone sex or something, but I really just wanted to hear your voice.”
My heart melted at his words. “Really?”
“Really. I guess that makes me an idiot.”
“No. Why would that make you an idiot?”
“Because who calls someone to hear their voice?”
“Well, you, apparently. And I’m glad. I kind of was hoping to hear your voice as well,” I admitted.
“So then why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I don’t want to be that girl.”
“What girl?”
“The girl that is constantly calling and texting.”
“You can call me any time, Shelby. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. Until I call or text one too many times and you’re just like, oh my gosh, why won’t you leave me alone?”
“I would never think or say that. I really like you.”
“Really?” I said, “you really like me? Or you really like my ass?”
“I mean, I can’t lie. You have a nice ass and you have nice boobs, but I like you.” He let out a deep sigh. “This is a lot more complicated than we thought it was going to be, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. I said, I was thinking the same thing myself.”
“So what do we do?”
“What do you mean?” My heart flooded. Was he going to ask me to be his girlfriend? Was he going to suggest that we go to my parents and tell them that we were together and that he really liked me?
“I don’t know what we should do here, Shelby,” he admitted. “I really like you. I enjoy being with you. I like talking to you. We’ve only hooked up a couple of times. And yet I feel we are getting closer and closer.”
“I know,” I said, “that’s kind of nice.”
“It is, but I don’t want us to get to a point where it’s going to be hard for us to break away.”
My heart sank at his words. “So… what are you saying?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to stop seeing you, but I don’t know if we can continue like this.”
“I mean, it’s just for fun, right?”
“It’s fun. Of course. But I think we both know that real feelings could develop here.”
“Are you saying that you like me, Sam? Are you saying that you could fall for me?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he said gruffly. And then he cursed under his breath. “I can’t believe I fucked this up so badly.”
“What do you mean?” I said.
“I mean, I called you one, because I wanted to hear your voice, and two, because I wanted you to be in my bed again tonight. I wanted to wake up with you tomorrow morning. And frankly, that fucking scares the shit out of me.”
I didn’t know whether to be happy or hurt. “Why is that?”
“Because I’ve never felt that way about anyone, and the last person I would want to feel that way about is you.”
Okay, that definitely hurt. “Why am I the last person you’d want to feel that way about?”